rehomed our puppy and feel devastated

[ItsMyTurn]

that's it

How about turning this back into some support/advice for ItsMyTurn - it is after all her thread. Rather than making it about Val and all her amazing charidee work. Although I am sure this is indeed marvellous Val, why don't you start your own thread about it? I am sure you will find lots of support.

Itsmyturn, I hope you're doing ok and that you and your DC aren't missing the puppy too much. One thing about children (and dogs come to that) is that they are incredibly resilient. It's us who tend to mull over the crapness of it all

Big glass of to you - I reckon you deserve it.

I am NOT "lecturing" and I do NOT "work with childrens cancer charities", nor did I SAY that I do. HOW on earth am I "lecturing"? Genuinely don't understand how that applies.

I fundraise voluntarily for A children's cancer charity, doing what little I can to help make money for the charity. That's all, no biggie.

I don't think that one can either care about humans or animals.

And I don't think that this is the problem here.

From what I can see, the OP did not mention her reasons for rehoming the puppy until later in the thread. Once she had, however, I would expect that any person with a bit of empathy would reign in their personal feelings about the way she has rehomed the puppy and show some sympathy for what the OP has been going through. Sadly, that did not happen and she was berated for her actions.

Val
I understand your passion and I admire it - we have fallen out with a neighbour/friend because of their treatment of their dog (handing it back to the pound because she could not be bothered with it) - I understand that for rescuers who are seeing this day in day out, that it gets frustrating. Still, you have to look at the individual. You may feel that your life could be crumbling around you and you would still not give up your dogs, but some are not so strong. The OP was obviously dealing with some extreme emotions, tied up with the death of her husband.

Absolutely Rinders,

ItMyTurn, you did the right thing. Dont beat yourself up. Rehoming the pup was the right thing to do, rehoming my Lab was the right thing for us to do and it was such a huge weight off our shouldars. Dont beat yourself up about the pup, chances are it's being idolised by it's new owners :)

I thnk the fact that MNHQ deleted certain posts speaks volumes about whether they were acceptable or not.

I hope the OP has stopped reading the thread...

Most people i know round my way would have took he puppy to the pound. You have done a good job in finding it a home where it will more than likely be loved by responsible owners. They have obiously looked after their dog well for 12 years. In my opinion this was better than it being given to the pound.

First of all itsmyturn I feel so sorry for you at the moment, it sounds like you have gone through some kind of delayed shock. I really really hope that you feel better soon.

However, I don't think there is a need to bash val quite so resoundly. Her first post to itsmyturn on the other thread was charity itself - recognised that the OP was feeling down and had lots of helpful tips. Again, on this thread Val was certainly very harsh however I don't think that itsmyturn had said that she was a recent widow, and that was posted afterwards.

I also really like this topic. I don't have a dog, and have never owned one in my adult life, and I am certainly not what you would call a doggy person (and Val has flamed me elsewhere when I said I would kick a dog up the arse if it jumped up on me) but I think she is very helpful. I have asked for advice and have not felt judged.

I feel very sorry for the OP however as she is certainly vulnerable at the mo, agree with Shiney that if you are pretty strongwilled on here you can take a bit of flaming. If you are down it is not so easy to shrug off.

Midori: "Yes, the OP's circumstances must be extremely difficult, but in fairness, she didn't mention that on the other thread or at the start of this one"

Actually, OP said very early on in this very thread, before the bashing began, "I don't understand the feeligs that [the puppy] brought out in me... I felt so extremely anxious, depressed and stressed. She was just the perfect pet at the wrong time in my life... I know she will be happy - but I feel so guilty. It is consuming me."

That seems to pretty clearly and effectively communicate that she was going through a tough time, and was feeling very vulnerable.

For me, it's not about saying "it's only a pet" or valuing people over dogs. It's about the fact that if you want to publicly pat yourself on the back for being so incredibly compassionate and wonderful, you don't also get to be the kind of person who wilfully sets out to make someone feel like shit when they've just told you - clearly - that they're struggling.

"I'm saving my sympathy for the dog" is the biggest load of shit I've ever read. As if you only get a rationed supply of a basic human quality.

We all struggle cloudy days. We don't rehome our DC when we struggle, because obviously we view them as a lifelong responsibility. Some of us view our dogs in the same way.

I do have every sympathy for the OP, her circumstances are clearly very difficult (and despite having suffered my own bereavement last year, not one I claim to understand) and it seems like she would benefit from some extra help of some sort. But difficult circumstances do not mean people can't act unreasonably or don't have to face up to their responsibilities.

I think she has owned up to her resposibilities. She got a puppy which she thought she could cope with, she cant and has re-homed it. What is she supposed to do keep it, feel stressed then take it out on everyone else. Most people have maternal instincts towards their kids and do whats best for them. To some people dogs are pets and that is all. This will happen to the end of time.

I understand that that's your view, midori, but it's a bit beside the point. My post was referring to the abusive and bullying tone of some posters' responses, not to their right to express a negative view of rehoming generally, or of rehoming in the way that the OP did. It is actually possible to make a point or to educate others about an issue that evokes strong feelings, without being cruel.

I was also correcting your assertion that the OP had not mentioned that she was in a difficult place emotionally. She certainly did. She doesn't owe anyone all the details in order for people to respond with a modicum of decency and respect for her feelings.

Some of the posters on this thread could do with reminding themselves of the phrase 'there but for the grace of God go I'. You have behaved shamefully IMO.

OP I hope you are OK. You did your best, no-one could ask for more given the circumstances. Sending you .

As far as I was aware, posters had only posted regarding the method of rehoming used, I didn't see any personal comments towards the OP?

You don't see personal comments because they've been deleted by MNHQ who explained the deletion by saying that the OP had been "berated" during what was "clearly a very difficult time."

The first post considered by MNHQ to be offensive enough for deletion is the fourth or fifth one on the thread, just after the one where the OP said "I don't understand the feelings that [the puppy] brought out in me... I felt so extremely anxious, depressed and stressed... I feel so guilty. It is consuming me."

Rightly or wrongly I detached the OP's circumstances, which only came to light after I'd first responded, (and I'm nothing if not consistant and would be a fraud and a liar to subsequently change tack), from the matter in hand. In my "work" I find I have to. I address what I can understand and have experience in. This is the Doghouse, it was an OP about dogs and I can "do" dogs and I know all too well the problems that come with taking on a dog from a backyard breeder and rehoming privately. Furthermore I always fear that an unchallenged statement that a person has done either will lead to others thinking that it's okay for THEM to do it and here on MN I see many people who DO feel that way. Here I feel the need to speak out just as others may speak out when a parent advocates smacking or when a parent won't take a sick DC to the doctor.

On that I still feel that the OP was foolhardy, both wrt herself/family as she has discovered, and wrt the dog regarding where she obtained the pup from and in how she rehomed. I spoke out of passion, yes, but also from extensive experience as a rescuer and with knowledge of not just the ethical issues but to the risks to the welfare of the dog and the effect of poor research and ill-thought out or ill-advised choices upon the family as a whole. The OP didn't post on Bereavement and I wouldn;t be able to speak if she had. She posted here, on the Doghouse, about a DOG, which is my field of experience.

Thinking and saying that she acted in an ill-advised manner and expressing concern about what I know and understand (the sorry state of dog welfare) doesn't mean that I wish the OP harm or ill-will. I think that, and I'm trying to put this tactfully and politely although I realise I am useless at both, the OP has understandable issues in her life which are completely seperate to the dog situation and which this particular issue with the pup have brought to a head. In that I wish her well and hope that she finds the... oh bloody hell, "help" isn;t the word I mean and sounds patronising when it's not meant.... the answers and resolutions to her sad personal situation, if that makes sense.

I have been, with others, not just THIS dog's voice and advocate but the voice for other dogs who will be in the same position and I'm trying to point out the folly in buying from a "hobby" or backyard breeder, who like the OP's often won't be there after they have got their money, and the danger to the dog of being rehomed without adequate support. My critics have been the advocates and supporters for the OP in her personal situation - where I understand/have experience in the problems of dog welfare they understand/have experience in the OP's completely seperate personal situation. In those things BOTH "sides" have been supportive of the beings that need it, human and canine and BOTH "sides" have had something worthwhile to contribute.

And I hope that BOTH of us have learned a little of the "other side". I have.

As I said, I wish the OP no ill will, and hope that there is a happy future for her, her children and her (former) puppy.

"We all struggle cloudy days. We don't rehome our DC when we struggle"
However you feel about your dog, thats a silly comment! DCs are human beings, dogs are not!
I have 2 precious dogs, a pedigree, and a cross breed. I love them both very much, but, if it came to a choice between my sanity / the welfare of my family, and the dog, I'd make the same choice as the op.
She took the advice of someone she trusted, and found the dog a new home. The new owners offered her money. And?...
Last time I went to a rescue centre, there was a charge involved in rehoming. There is another thread in The Doghouse, telling posters to avoid 'free to a good home' as it encourages all sorts of dog abusers. so whats the difference?
The poor OP made a tough decision, made a damn sight harder by the abuse she recieved here.

Saggy, rescues ask for a donation generally when people adopt a dog from them. By the time the dog has been adopted, as a MINIMUM, the dog will have been vetchecked, vaccinated, chipped, neutered or spayed (if not already done, and most aren't), wormed, given flea treatment, any necessary medical treatment, kept, fed, watered, groomed and behaviourally assessed . None of this is done or provided by little elves with cold wet noses and whiskers. The typical minimum costs incurred by a rescue with a straightforward healthy dog who is with them for up to week or ten days will be at least two hundred pounds, probably closer to three hundred. Can't speak for all rescues, but the ones I know in Wales generally suggest a minimum donation of around £80 - 100.. The balance of the rescue's costs are made up by extensive fund raising by volunteers. For many rescues, the dogs they receive have complex, multiple health needs and will often need expensive drugs, operations, treatments and care. Dogs with behavioural issues cannot be rehomed until these have been resolved/bottomed out.

There is a huge difference between the adoption of an animal from a reputable rescue who homecheck and carefully assess and dogs given away in online listing sites. As discussed elsewhere on this thread and others, reputable rescues (along with conscientous breeders) will always take the dog back, even if it is ten years later. More importantly, rescues can and do refuse to place a dog with a potential adopter if they have doubts about the home.

If nothing else, this thread has demonstrated the problems that can arise when people acquire animals through other means. If it helps even one person who was thinking of getting a pup think again, then it will have done some good.

Val, do you realise you made at least 34 references to yourself in your last post. And to think you earlier accused the OP of being self centered. Just an observation.

I'm really not trying to get at you - I have no axe to grind with you. But you really haven't done yourself any favours on this thread.

You actually counted?

Good lord!

Agree with saggy and i hope you are feeling better op fwiw I think you did the right thing

So sorry to hear about your dh :(

Just so you know, my dad always gets a new puppy before his older dog dies (he's always got a dog and they always overlap) it works out fine for him every time and mostly gives the old dog a new lease of life and also helps to train the new pup

I'm not an expert but this is something I have taken from my dad and will probably do myself (although we have more than one dog anyway)

So for all anyone knows this pup could be going to a perfect home

I would also like to admit to never wanting to post in the doghouse again and that was before I saw this thread btw

Good luck op I hope your children are ok, I'm sure they will be, they have the cats to love :)

Scuttlebutter you can take your little elves with cold wet noses and whiskers and stick them where the patronising sun doesn't shine. I am fully aware of why rehoming centres ask for donations, thank you very much. my point was, why shouldn't the OP accept the money offered? Presumably she has incurred costs in buying and keeping the dog?
There are people out there, who aren't rescue centres who are capable of managing to rehome and care for animals. The OP chose the new home on the advice of a trusted person with knowledge of dogs that she has faith in, and knowledge of the new owners.

Val, it is the early hours, I can't sleep and all the Is and mys in your self obsessed post jumped out at me.

Our dog came from a private "breeder" - actually a family we know whose dogs had puppies. There is a world of a difference between that and a backyard puppy farm.

And, no matter how much I adore my dog, I would never put her on par with my children, that is simply ridiculous.

The thing to remember here is, that compared to the amount of good homes that dogs are in (in the millions) there are some which are not.

Not every private breeder or family home who have a litter of puppies are breeding with the sole intention of making money. Nor are they puppy farms. There are a great many who love dogs and want their bitch to have a litter of puppies. End of.

Whilst I admire the endeavours of those who are working in the rescue field, it must not be forgotten that the dumped dog/puppy farm/neglected are very much in the minority.

I have had wonderful pedigree dogs and also mongrels, none of which came from resuce. Just ordinary homes. If I chose to have a litter of pups, and I haven't to date, then would I be a 'dodgy dealer'? No.