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Eight boys and wanting a girl - channel 4

137 replies

amelied · 04/02/2010 21:06

It has just started and I am in two minds to watch this.

I am finding it hard as I have been trying to concieve a child for five years and have had four miscarriages - am I the only one who finds this annoying woman totally ungrateful for the precious children that she has

OP posts:
Slartybartfast · 04/02/2010 22:24

for someone who wanted this

Slartybartfast · 04/02/2010 22:33

actually when i had ds, then dd, i was a bit or miffed at the card in which they had hand written, one of each, well done,

or perhaps thats just me.

Slartybartfast · 04/02/2010 22:34

some sent me a card, btw,
however she had 3 boys so mabye she was

ruddynorah · 04/02/2010 22:38

yes i had cards like that after having ds, we already had dd.

dh's aunt sent us a card after dd was born. in it she wrote 'maybe next time you'll have a boy!!'

after having ds she sent another card and wrote in it..

'well done, now your family is complete!!'

fairydusty · 04/02/2010 22:40

I did have sympathy for these women to an extent - not rich chick comparing her want to that of someone who can't have kids.

I don't feel sorry that they can't have girls but feel sorry for them feeling that all their happines lies in a child being a girl. I don't really think they want to feel like this.

Felt really bad for the boys, it must be so hard growing up knowing that mummy would have prefered you to be a boy.

Feel sad after watching this, not angry.

GothAnneGeddes · 05/02/2010 02:34

I as I watched it, I knew that there would be some very funny comments about the wedding dress and you've not let me down .

Other then that. I just think all these women would be better off having therapy. Life is short and children are a blessing.

BertieBotts · 05/02/2010 04:46

Have these people not considered adoption? Of course that is morally a bit questionable as well, but if they are giving them a loving home, and it saves other children from growing up always knowing that they are "the wrong sex" (not as in transgender, YKWIM) then it could at least be considered, yes?

mathanxiety · 05/02/2010 05:20

exMIL kept on sending me boys' clothes as pressies for DD1, saying, don't worry, you'll have a boy after each of my 3 mcs after DD's birth . I think I've said it before, but at the time, I'd have been happy to carry a puppy to term. This thread made me think of that miserable cow.

confusedfirsttimemum · 05/02/2010 08:32

Bertie - I read in the Times interview with Nicola that she wouldn't be considered a good candidate for adoption because of the size of her existing biological family. Not sure if that's a euphamism for 'because she would fail the psych tests'.

The thing that made me sad in this programme was how consumerist Nicola and that woman with the twins were. They wanted a girl to wear pink and dress them up. Have we really become that obsessed with 'buying stuff' that we want a child of a particular gender because of the shopping?

I had more sympathy with the woman who lost a baby girl (her first child I think?). That seemed to me a more natural human reaction to the grief - to want to recreate the family she would have had but for the tragic loss.

I have to confess that I quite wanted a girl. I deliberately didn't find out DD's sex in advance because I wanted my first thought to be the elation at the baby's safe arrival, not a momentary pang of disappointment looking at a scan. I didn't want my first (split second) emotion to potentially be negative, and I knew that when I held him/her it wouldn't matter one little bit. I also know lots of people who are open that they might not have gone for a third child if they'd had one of each. I think that those feelings are relatively normal and common. It was the extreme nature of these woman, and the rampant commercialism, that shocked me.

mehdismummy · 05/02/2010 08:43

i know someone who has 4 girls under 7 and is now pg with her 5th and it annoys the crap out of me as all she has ever done is sit on her arse and claim benefits, she was told after her last one not to have more as she had already had 4 c sections but despite this she still went out of her way to get pregnant. she wants a boy and says she wont stop until she gets one.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/02/2010 08:49

I too felt bad for the boys. Also having a girl does not gurantee pink and girly girls, as DD (4) said yesterday, 'When i was a baby mummy I was a girl, now I am a tomboy'. She only wears boys clothes, no skirts, no dresses, and definitely no pink.

chenin · 05/02/2010 09:54

Aww... Five.. that is so sweet!

Just bear in mind that I had one like that... she NEVER wore anything but trousers.. and was a real tomboy rolling round on the floor and wanting to play fight.

Roll on a lot of years... she is now 18 and vvery girly. She loves fashion, make up and llooking feminine but inside there somewhere iis still that tomboy. She is laid back and jjust is not like other DD.

blowninonabreeze · 05/02/2010 10:01

I was angry watching that programme too, and shocked at the lenghs people will go to?

But was really surprised at that Nicola womans choice of names for her twin DDs. Both nice Georgia and Danielle, but when she was telling the story about their birth I thought she said George and one of them had turned out to be a boy. I expected some really girly girly names, rather than female versions of male names IYSWIM?

jomummy2 · 05/02/2010 11:39

I was appalled at the program. I spent alot of it in tears for those poor living boys. My second baby boy died 18 months ago in utero. I have since gone on to have the 'perfect family' having had a DD 3 months ago. I have had all the comments of one of each - how perfect etc etc BUT i would have had 10 boys if i didnt have to go and visit my little boys grave like i do now. Im sure if she'd have had to visit her baby's grave she would think differently.

PanicMode · 05/02/2010 11:56

I was so sad for all of those gorgeous boys - how awful to know that they weren't 'wanted' or good enough.

And God help those twin girls - what if they don't live up to the mother's expectations later in life - I can imagine them going seriously off the rails....

chickensaresafehere · 05/02/2010 12:11

Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAD to turn it off,I was appalled by all of them.Selfish,ungrateful twats.
What would 'posh bitch' have done if the twins were disabled,told them to 'take them away' & try again for a 'normal girl'??

RibenaBerry · 05/02/2010 12:24

The moment in the IVF where the American woman told the doctors to just discard the male embryos had me almost in tears.

I know it's one of the realities of IVF that not all embryos may be implanted (and, even though I'm pro choice, so it's not a ideological stance as such, I do struggle with that). But the throwaway "oh yes, discard them" approach really got me. For most people going through that treatment, any viable embryo is their dearly hoped for child .

puffling · 05/02/2010 12:37

It's an entertainement programme so if they'd said anything unsensational it'd have been cut.

Aside from that, I did feel sorry for them. If you yearn for something it is horrible that it can't be obtained. None of them looked as if they didn't love or wished harm on their existing family.

alliwantissleep · 05/02/2010 14:22

Phone rang just before the end of this programme and forgot to pause... what happened to the American woman who had the female embryo implanted? Did she have the baby?

FiveGoMadInDorset · 05/02/2010 14:23

No the pregnancy test was negative.

Totallyfloaty35 · 05/02/2010 14:24

No it didnt take

Eglu · 05/02/2010 14:30

I am just watching this now. I could have slapped her when she cried at the scan.

She should not have got pregnant again if she was not ready to accept another boy!

nellie12 · 05/02/2010 14:37

i've also just watched it and rather wish I hadn't. I cant help but think that all of them need to find something else in life to make them feel fulfilled instead of relying on a fantasy daughter.

And all of them had beautiful healthy children. How would they cope if one of their children were disabled?

How on earth do their dh put up with them?

Prepares2BFlamed · 05/02/2010 14:46

I watched this last night and said to dh part way through that there were probably loads of women currently putting their feet through the tv with anger at these women.

But

I wanted to put a point of view across which I am aware leaves me open to a flaming.

These women were chosen for a Channel 4 documentary, and we know how balanced and non-sensationalist C4 tend to be in these matters . The one who had twin girls in particular was chosen - and no doubt edited appropriately - clearly to rattle people's cages.

The thing is, there are probably a lot of women (and men) who have a hankering after a particular sex. Statistically, a lot of them will end up having a child of that sex and will never know what it's like not to have that hankering satisfied. And the majority of those who don't still manage to behave like mature, responsible, sensible and rational grown-ups and get over it and are thankful for the beautiful kids that they have. But there are some people who don't, and I can sympathise with them because I am one of them. I have 3 of one sex, but have always wanted the other.

Now, watching that programme did help me in one way. Like those women, I have always tried to rationalise why I have had a desire for a child of one sex, but watching last night made me realise that I can't rationalise it. It is completely and totally irrational. There is nothing in my childhood, no significant event in my life, nothing to explain it. Unlike most of the women last night who seemed to want some kind of living doll to dress up I'm really not fussed about that. Or they seemed to be lonely, and want a pre-packaged friend - well I have friends, and I am my children's mother first, and besides I remember being bloody awful to my mother as a teenager and about as far from being her friend as possible!

It's also important, I think, to reassure you all that I am aware of how lucky I am, I am grateful for my beautiful, healthy children who I love to distraction, and I am aware of how incredibly abhorrent my irrational feelings are. But much as there's no benefit in telling someone who is depressed that there are people worse off in the world and they should pull themselves together, telling me that there are women who would kill to be as lucky as I am and carry 3 pregnancies with no difficulties doesn't make my irrationality disappear, it just makes me feel more worthless. But please believe me, I am not the way those women came over (and suspect some of them aren't when unedited too!) in that I have no dissatisfaction with my children. I think they are the most amazing people, gorgeous in every way, astonishing. And if they were a different sex I could not love them more, or even any differently. This is the thing: this desire for one gender is so utterly irrational, for me it is devolved entirely from real life and my existing family. If I had 10 boys I would love them completely, if I had 10 girls I would love them completely, if I had 5 of each I would love them completely and equally. It's like if I had the gender I desire, the desire would vanish and I would get on with life etc. I wouldn't suddenly treat that child differently, wouldn't see it as the saviour of my future happiness. It would, I believe, from the moment of it's arrival just be another of my children, it's just that the stupid, horrid, hateful thoughts I have would disappear.

I don't know if I am explaining this very well - I struggle to explain it to myself! And I totally understand that, especially for women who have struggled to conceive or lost a child, that there is no way I could ever explain it in a way that would be understandable. It is a feeling I wish I didn't have. And, unlike those women, it is not a feeling I will allow to rule my life. I am happy, and would never say that only a child of a certain gender would make me complete, and would never dream of continuing to have children (or heaven forbid PGD) just to get what I want. But it is possible to be a relatively normal human being and still have pretty abnormal yearnings. I don't believe the desire will ever go away, I just learn to ignore it, or slap myself from time to time, or give my children huge hugs because acknowledging the desire makes me feel like the worst mother on the planet (and that, I think, is why that American woman went to her child's room when she got her negative test). Life goes on, I haven't got what I wanted, but that's life. It doesn't mean I didn't want it, but 3 kids is enough for our family and I wouldn't change a thing about any of them.

GothAnneGeddes · 05/02/2010 15:51

Prepares2BFlamed - I don't think anyone will flame you. You know it's irrational, you love your kids, you haven't let it rule your life and most importantly, you haven't gone on national tv about it.

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