I agree. Yes, we can put together why Ryan is likely the way he is, but that doesn't excuse it. The fact that his bullshit was eclipsed by Jacqui's behaviour doesn't make him a good person.
He is absolutely controlling and misogynistic. On this I agree with Jacqui and she picked up on it very early in the process. And it's not just Jacqui, Beth had no time for him when they did the wife swap as she understood he was a controlling man. He then reinforced that through his manipulative questions (which she successfully shut down).
I appreciated Beth and Jamie trying to intervene at the retreat when Ryan had pulled Jacqui away to berate her. He was extremely unpleasant - telling her off for speaking about their sex life even though she was just trying to get input and threatening if she ever said anything like that again he would leave her.
He did this kind of thing throughout the show. Telling Jacqui what not to talk about and trying to control the language she used. Hell he won't even let his female dog walk freely as she would then be leading him, ie have the power. Jacqui was correct again on how messed up this was.
He is deeply misogynistic. It's actually why I have more tolerance for Jacqui, despite whatever the hell is going on with her. To be very clear, she's obviously not a nice or balanced person and would be a nightmare to deal with in person, but I don't believe she holds prejudice towards an entire sex class like he does.