MAFs U.K. 3 - The First Dinner Party. Expecting thanking, rankings and tankings

[AndThereSheGoes]

New thread. Sorry couldn't see one.

I think the Casper, Emma match on paper was quite a good one. He seems really negative and withdrawn, sometimes people like that are raised up and appreciate having someone loud and positive. It can be complementary. I imagine that the experts doing the matching don’t go as far as meeting families before choosing a match? The fact that Emma is so much like Caspar’s twin is just unfortunate or do people think it was premeditated for the drama? However the match came about, there is definitely no hope for the relationship. Even the experts now realise that friends is the best that can be hoped for.

I just find Emma's behaviour odd in the circumstances. I suppose her thinking was 'ok, there are similarities with me and the sister but I'll ask about attraction to see if there may have been something there if we had been different characters. Maybe see if there's any potential '

Caspar has said well, no, (quite bluntly), tbh you wouldn't really be my type anyway since you ask.

I think that was a mistake but she's made it a huge stance against fat shaming when really all he was doing was being very clear there match is a non starter. Why not listen and hear and not try and override?

I don't think Caspar has done anything else wrong or set out wanting a perfect woman from anything he's said, he just really hasn't led Emma on and hasn't been the most tactful.

She simply doesn't seem to hear and acknowledge the weirdness of the situation for him hence his withdrawal. I would want someone to at least grasp that. She's been going on about wine and crisps since the start making clear her weight is a pretty big issue for her. She isn't as blasé about it as she claims.

Emma has found herself in a shitty position but I don't like the way she's handled it. It seems quite pushy and manipulative.

Yes @Waterboatlass I completely agree!

Toy Adam is better looking, not as chubby and has better dress sense.

I think we need to assume all round that we are seeing a highly edited version of events. What we might perceive as someone’s misrepresentation of an event may actually be more accurate than the clip we’ve been shown. We’re seeing tiny bits of behaviour that the producers think make the best TV which might not be characteristic of how that person was 23 hours out of 24. Producers will say that they’re showing what actually happened but we know how many previous participants have said how highly manipulated it was, and that storylines are created that the editing then supports.

I say this knowing that it probably applies as much to the people I’ve personally taken against as much as the ones I quite like! And with the proviso that many of the participants could be, and probably are, how do I say this? Utter tools? But maybe not in the way we’re being shown.

I’ve more gone off someone I quite liked based on what they’ve said and done afterwards than decided someone wasn’t that bad on the whole.

she's made it a huge stance against fat shaming

No, he’s done that. That’s the exact reason he gave for not finding her attractive. He could have told the truth - she reminds him of his twin sister and it’s messing with his head. Anyone with half a brain and a pinch of empathy would understand that. Emma definitely would, she’s met his sister.

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Absolutely! When he did the whole curvy women thing I wanted to shout at him "What on earth is wrong with you?! Tell her it's because she's too much like your sister!" As you say anyone would understand that and it's not personal, it's I like you, you're lovely but you're too much like my sister and ... ickity ick ick!

If he hadn't made so much of the sister ick throughout then I'd have suspected that he wanted to stay in the show and the whole incestuous thing might have seen the producers go "Yeah we totally fucked this one, it's never going to happen, let them go before this gets even more ick." But it's been out in the open since the wedding day, clearly the producers wouldn't bat an eyelid at faux incest, so all that remains is that Caspar is insensitive or thick or both. He's definitely so caught up in the wrong that's been done to him that he can't see that it's hardly a joy for Emma either.

Still, at least he didn't shag her on the wedding night and then tell her he wasn't actually attracted to her unlike god's gift to voluntary celibacy, Adam.

🤔

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Re; the 2 blokes who are not finding their ladies attractive and think they deserve someone 'better...'

Caspar (and Emma) and Adam (and Polly.)

They have got some front saying the 2 lasses are too fat - and are not good enough (that's what they ARE saying!)

Neither one of these blokes is a looker. They're less than average, they have dad bods, and they are both a 4 out 10. Adam has ludicrous teeth and stupid hair and a silly beard. He thinks he deserves someone who is a 10 out of 10, and 'stunning' like Megan Fox or Michelle Keegan. Proper top tier. Yet he is a basic, below average, slightly fugly little oik.

Nothing wrong with a man being a bit basic looking/having a dad bod etc, but to assume that he deserves a woman who is a proper stunner is farcical to the extreme. Even on his VT on the first show (when he was with his mates,) it was clear that he fancied himself rotten. Nothing wrong with being confident in yourself, but he is plain arrogant and rude, and thinks he is much better than he is.

Caspar, again is basic looking, with a dad bod, and also thinks he deserves something he perceives to be 'better' than Emma. He doesn't fancy Emma as she is rather 'curvy' but I have to say she is gorgeous. My DH thinks she's very attractive, which is reassuring for me as I look a bit like her. (Just a few years older!) I'm not saying I am gorgeous ha ha

But yeah, out of all the women on the show, I look like her the most.

These 2 men (Caspar and Adam) are utterly repugnant.

!

Polly (saddled with Adam Shitlid) reminds me of Adele circa rolling in the deep

So from what we saw as I remember, and I accept we've no idea in which order what actually happened thanks to the programme's well known editing techniques:

he mentioned the sister resemblance first which Emma didn't fully acknowledge as much as I think I would have. Maybe she did.

She proceeded to push to find out whether he thought she was attractive anyway. Presumably to see whether they could maybe work through sister issues.

That was when he said 'not really, no. I usually go for petite brunettes'. Or words to that effect. 'do you find me sexy?' 'well, no''.

I understand why that's come about and it's not nice to hear but from what we've seen he's not behaving the best, but neither is Emma and it's very different from Adam and Polly. this could be editing but he has never from what we've seen proactively mentioned body type or size, only when specifically asked. he seems to be saying there's a huge personality clash more than anything and above all this twinny resemblance that he can't shake.

I don’t blame Richelle for swerving the dinner party, remember that she had previously met the women participants so probably had a feeling of how things would go. I’m a single 40 something and completely identify with her, it is next to impossible to find someone that is ‘better’ than being independent and free to live your life as you wish. The only thing that I miss is sex and having the occasional + 1!

Emma is the spitting image/personality of Lavender Brown from the Harry Potter films.

I agree with @Waterboatlass that wasn't the context it happened. Emma raised the weight issue with all the don't you find me sexy in my bikini stuff. Then she asked what his type was. And when he said petite brunettes she focused on the weight ( rather than dying her hair or something about that side of it). She bought up crisps and wine and I'm not an ogre not him.

Finally caught up. I don't blame Caspar at all for not being attracted to Emma (in looks or personality); that can't be helped - what I do not like is that he seems to be punishing her for his lack of attraction. (From what we saw) he made the honeymoon a miserable experience for both of them. They could have had a decent time if he wasn't such a sulky bastard.

The excuses for Caspar here are amazing. No wonder men get away with entitled, narcissist behaviour. They’re enabled by internalised misogyny.

I don't think it's anything to do with internalised misogyny. Caspar and Emma are the same breed which is why she thinks Caspar should fancy her. She seems cross/confused that he doesn't.
I agree most of the female contestants do indeed try to give things a go even if they don't fancy their match but invariably get also get arsey and dismissive of with them fairly quickly.

What makes you think, from what we've seen, that Caspar's behaviour is rooted in narcissistic traits or misogyny?

From what we have seen, he primarily doesn't fancy a woman who resembles his sister. To me that is a plumb normal reaction even if not handled with grace.

He also said doesn't think Emma is his 'type' when asked, which to me is pretty secondary to the main issue. But he hasn't exhibited any grandiosity, envy, manipulation, exploitation etc which would indicate narcissism.

What’s wrong with a guy saying he doesn’t really like curvy women? Or a woman saying the same tbh. I don’t think either of men are attractive but that doesn’t mean you have just to settle.

I can only assume that production orchestrate it so you can’t leave because of it was me, I’d be gone. The women all seem a bit childish to me tbh

And Caspar clearly has an odd relationship with his sister, of course he wouldn’t want someone who remotely reminds him of someone he doesn’t really like!

Exactly what I said. So why bring Emma’s weight into it? He could have just said that. There was no need for her weight to even be mentioned. Does anyone bother reading previous posts round here?

Part of the point of this programme is meant to be looking beyond your immediate type. So rather than sulking about the lack of immediate chemistry, and writing the match off, the participants are meant to take a step back and see what happens.

I do think the strong likeness to Caspar’s sister is an issue beyond that and unlikely to have predicted by producers. It’s been brought out in the editing because they know now how it played out. And that is something he really can’t look beyond. But it’s not Emma’s fault and she is now being shown going extra to try to overcome his lack of interest, probably with the encouragement of producers, without realising just how profound his ick is. She’s also feeling hurt so doubling down on her own mantras of self belief.

Because she (probably with producer encouragement) kept pushing to see whether there was a physical attraction aside from the slight issue of resembling his sister. He was asked and answered honestly. Nobody is saying he was the most tactful about it but he didn't go on about it like Adam.