Sorry for the late post. Life is on the proper wonk. I’ve been saving this for a distraction but confess I might bring some tude to the wedding party.
Ah now. The grand arrival. I didn’t buy the tears. Sorry. But tell your husband first by all means. Trust me. The women already know. I shall now zip it.
Just like they know that the ixperts are going to make this process an utter shitshow. Complex task of matchmaking my arse. Lucky bag and a quick shufty with some names written on post its.
I bought Jay’s tears. I get it. I wonder how she’d have got on with weepy Bob from the last lots. Anyhoo. She’s matched with Luke the Bantzboy and I wonder if they are going to outbantz eachother. And yet here he is yapsing on about heartbreak traumz. He looks like he has kind eyes though.
Whoever is tweaking Luke’s brows can have a shot on mine. Same with whoever is precision trimming his facial hair. They need to have a go on my lulu. They can stop there though. Man got a cheese wedge barnet. I will stick with my Margolyes mop ta.
I liked Jay’s frock very much. The venue is cracking tae.
I liked their (very similar) vows. I went a bit squish.
She needs to skip the not feeling good enough thing. I understand her worry but I feel it unnecessary. She’s shooting it down before it has taken wing. Feckin stop it. Listen to your sister lass.
Loved his speech. Wasn’t fussed on the singing. I cringe myself inside out when folk start that shite. But I love how she sparkled.
Next couple?
Like Laura, if I don’t turn heads when I walk in a room, I walk out. The only thing that is different is that I think I’m in the waiting room for specsavers by mistake as I’m a pig in knickers and usually get a horrified gasp. There is something wrong if there isn’t a feeling of terror in the air.
I’m not fond of Lolz for some reason. I’m ok with posh. I’m sorry about her dad but I’m starting to worry now that everyone is going to cry. If I have to drink every time someone gets weepy this week,, I’ll still be pished by Christmas.
I didn’t care for Laura’s frock.
I wonder if this is what Laura ordered. I expect not. She wants a Spenny. Arfur ain’t going to cut it I fink. When a pretty coupon is sat there with sarky vows and a face like stink, it is most unattractive.
I’m kind of hoping he is a bastart train. She is on my unpompommy tits already.
The ‘I love you’ vows though. Shrivelling minge territory on a first date surely. Redflaggy bridesmaid? Get bent. You’ve no idea what red flags are. Two glasses of champagne and you will probably be calling it cunting bunting 🖕🏽
I’ve seen a more enthusiastic kisser going to swig vomit juice on iacgmooh.
The best man speech was lovely. I hope she really took it in. And she can start de-spennying her pouty self.
The jury is oot.