Agree @ermagerdabear - I struggled with both those aspects, as well.
I think it is not uncommon for some gay men to have an inherent streak of misogyny that basically sees women as irrelevant, at best; service people, at worst.
Jill is positioned as the perfect woman - a caring, devoted, LGBT ally (the #bemorejill hashtag sums this up), but there was no point to her in the story line, other than to service the boys.
Do the dishes, cook the food, shop for Gloria, research the encroaching illness (why did none of them want to do this?!), (wo)man the call line, administer their medication, sit with the friendless, dying man.
Not only did she never have a boyfriend, but she didn’t even have any girlfriends! Neither of these were even vaguely alluded to.
I get the story line isn’t about her - it’s about the devastating illness and how it impacted the gay community at the time. But that was the one and only aspect that left me feeling a bit deflated. Women are only any good to gay men, as dedicated, uncomplaining proxy wives….