Professional Masterchef 2019: KLAXON

[GrouchyKiwi]

The new series starts on Tuesday 5 November at 8pm, BBC2!

@SchadenfreudePersonified
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@fourquenelles
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@BasiliskStare
@KazzaD66
@PotterHead1985

No, just gregg - if the BBC won't sack him we have to take it into our own hands.

( For the avoidance of doubt BBC - police etc - this is a joke ) But really , really Gregg is just rubbish on that programme is he not

F.O. Gregg - your opinions are (IMHO) worthless and you need to stop just shouting - it doesn't add to the programme.

Gurning is not helpful.

Are you sure you don’t mean condensed milk? You can’t make a sammich with evaporated.

Condensed milk, you've just reminded me I intended to make flapjack

True Bertrand evaporated milk of the like wot I got is too runny for sarnies but just right for pouring over crumble.

Oooh gizzsum.

Tonight's dinner has been postponed due to the Mammy being unwell. Takeaway it is

"John Torode" was my suggestion for a false name to hire the van Basilisk

You mean there's a real person called that? Who knew?

Bertrand

Apologies - I do indeed mean condensed milk.

I can only think that the excitement of an assassination coming together the chat about how much we really admire Greggg overcame me.

I humbly apologise and quail under your hard stare.

Sorry to hear about Mammy PotterHead

Dead easy recipe for crumble
4 hugely heaped soup spoons of self raising flour (cheap as chips Tesco stuff)
4 almost as hugely heaped soup spoons of granulated sugar
4 soup spoons worth of low calorie Clover spread* from the fridge
Rub Clover into the flour sugar mix to make crumbs
stick on top of whatever fruit you have knocking about (tinned peaches and apricots are good but I had some apples on the turn)
Shove in oven near top at nuclear setting (hot as you can get it)
Wait for 20/30 minutes until top is golden brown
Shove it in yer gob (hot hot hot hot hot)

*tastes really good I was very surprised.

I'd like to thank my Nan for the ability to measure stuff by eye buggering it up 9 times out of 10

Your nan must be like my Muvver four - never used scales, never made a rubbish meal.

Just had a gift for measuring.

I've got a van! It's at your disposal.

Unfortunately Schaden Nan's pastry always came out flat, hard and snow white. It was a gift she had. Rumour has it Walt Morrison the inventor of the frisbee was paying a flying visit to SE Essex just after the war and came across one of her steak pies. The rest, as they say, is history.

@fourquenelles you are from ESSEX?? Oh I need to know where now. My aunt is in Basildon. Mammy grew up in Basildon and Dagenham.

Born near Sarfend, travelled through Basildon every day on the bus going to school in Grays. Lived in Hadleigh and Leigh-on-sea. My best friend for the first 3 years of secondary school was a Basildon lass. EEp! Could have been your Mammy depending on how old she is (I'm 64 btw).

@fourquenelles the Mammy is 71. I 'think' she went to school in grays. I may ask

@fourquenelles nope. Not Grays. Barstable Grammar. My memory is failing me!!

@PotterHead1985 ask her if it was Palmer's Endowed School for Girls!

Cross post. Never mind

@fourquenelles she said her older sister went to a secondary modern in Grays tho she knows your school tho!! Posh she said

Had ideas above its station @PotterHead1985 Stupid felt bowler hats to be worn at all times when in uniform (yeah right) and a school song in Latin. We even had a Greek theatre in the grounds aka a concrete ampitheatre created by Bodgett Builders in the 1950s. Happy days especially when the fog rolled in off the Thames and we got sent home early.

Evening all

@fourquenelles gah felt bowlers no thanks . I thought our red coulottes for sport were bad

@ilovesooty Sooty loves you too!!

GrouchyPuppy and her demon eyes want my garlic bread.

I'm terrified by this talk of condensed milk sandwiches.

Here we go. Gin at the ready, dog by my feet

@GrouchyKiwi SOOO cute