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Telly addicts

Eurovision: The Results

799 replies

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2019 23:01

You've Survived Flat Madge.

Well Done.

Here are the finalists

  1. Malta - Maltese Molly And Her Pet Chameleon and Support Socks
  2. Albania - Rylan’s Nashers Channel Khalessi Yodelling
  3. Czech Republic - The Wiggles EuroFwend
  4. Germany - Meghan Markle and LeAnn Rimes
  5. Russia - Vanity Shower Screens
  6. Denmark - Ladders and Clouds
  7. San Marino - Right Said Fred Goes to Benidorm
  8. North Macedonia - Mel Off Eastenders
  9. Sweden - Gospel Lionel Richie
10. Slovenia - Dull and In Love. Apparently. Snore. Slow-venia. Creepy 11. Cyprus - Chandelier pants and PVC 12. Netherlands - A Nice Moody Ballad from Duncan the Dutchman 13. Greece - Nasally Don't Tell The Bride. 14. Israel - Is it Ross or Howard? What Freddie Mercury would have looked like had Borat played him. Is it David Blaine? 15. Norway - Ken The Spirited Club Style Yoiker. Come on Barbie! 16. United Kingdom - The John Lewis Christmas Ad 2019 17. Iceland - Do I Really Need to Remind You?!! Mad Max the Musical. 18. Estonia - Mr Wholesome with the Disappearing Guitar 19. Belarus - Britney Belarus 20. Azerbaijan - Shut Up! Lazzzzeerrrssss 21. France - Wigman. Gaga's Little Bro. 22. Italy - It wasn't me. Shaggy 2.0 23. Serbia - Wicked Ice Queen Angelina Jolie's Stunt Leg 24. Switzerland - Red Dirty Dancers and Rylan’s Outfit 25. Australia - Glenda The Good Witch on a Bouncy Stick. 26. Spain - Mel C and Bryan Adams Changing Rooms on IKEA Kallax Shelves
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mathanxiety · 19/05/2019 20:07

Apparently the UK and Sweden songs were written by the same person, so why such a disparity in score.

Because the Swedish song was better, and the performance was better by a factor of 1000. Not every song written by every composer is of the same calibre. The UK got the song the Swedish fella discarded.

banivani · 19/05/2019 20:07

Oh that was very interesting to read! I’m going to have to ponder that, I don’t know a lot about music so I have to use all my brains to get it I think but very thought provoking.

Piggywaspushed · 19/05/2019 20:09

Haha... that is so geeky! Love it!

mathanxiety · 19/05/2019 20:15

But we're missing something critical. We just aren't hearing it.

Amen to that.

RedToothBrush · 19/05/2019 20:18

Here's the thing.

Everyone on this thread has said they are looking for something a bit different.

Why do we expect our European neighbours to be satisfied with not different from us.

I am pondering if the comments about not liking the Russian entry because it was 'Lloyd webbery' is actually picking up on the beats as mentioned in Kit's thread.

I must say it's geeky but sure explains a lot.

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Magicpaintbrush · 19/05/2019 20:36

I don't think it would make any difference if the UK performed the best song ever written - I still think we would have come last as a punishment vote. The UK wasn't especially popular before Brexit but now? We're like the pariah of Europe.

And yes the song was shit. But I don't believe for a second there isn't political voting at play. Europe doesn't like us and they voted accordingly.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 19/05/2019 20:38

I really think there is a method behind Germany always being in the bottom third.
We came 4th last year. That was an anomaly in 7 years though. Am not keen on Raab but he knew his Eurovision, I'll give him that (3 compositions finishing 5th 7th 8th and helping pro 7 the year we won with Lena Van Dyke Landrut).
He stepped down 2011 though - I genuinely don't believe Germany have been avoiding winning for the last seven years deliberately biding their time. The songs just haven't been strong enough and those that might have been different/outre (gregorian monks, lederhosed new Volksmusik, Unheilig) weren't chosen. We might have stood a chance with Xavier Naidoo had he not been a homophobe so couldn't send him.

mathanxiety · 19/05/2019 20:53

Magicpaintbrush, half of the entrants in this year's ESC are not even in the EU.

Do you honestly think anyone in Azerbaijan or Israel cares about Brexit?

noodlenosefraggle · 19/05/2019 20:55

But I don't believe for a second there isn't political voting at play. Europe doesn't like us and they voted accordingly.

But Europe didn't like Russia when it annexed the Ukraine. Many people aren't too fond of Israel for obvious reasons but they still voted for them last year. For all the utter shitshow and embarrassment we are, we haven't annexed another country recently, been suspected of murder and attempted murder in another European country or encroached on any settlements. I suspect some of it was political ( Ireland normally throw us a bone but I bet they can hardly bear to hear another word we say, spoken or sung) but not all of it. I think maybe part of it is that European charts are full of British artists, but when it comes to Eurovision, they send their best and we send a random bloke with a mediocre song and don't bother spending any time or money on the performance. If anything, its probably irritation or indifference to that.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 19/05/2019 21:04

monkseal.wordpress.com/2019/05/19/a-quick-and-campy-eurovision-2019-ranking-post/

God bless Monkseal, I am looking at Azerbaijan in a new light.

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 19/05/2019 21:18

We sent a nobody with a song I couldn't remember five seconds after it ended and staging that cost exactly £3. The juries gave us 4x the points of the public, most of whom don't give a shit about Brexit. It's a bit embarrassing to see Brits claiming we lost for political reasons.

banivani · 19/05/2019 21:29

Loved the monkseal link too Grin

OublietteBravo · 19/05/2019 22:12

I gather all of the jury votes from Belarus were completely fabricated (the real jury votes were disqualified because the jury illegally revealed who they voted for in the semi). So that was 5 points the UK didn’t really get (taking our total down to an embarrassing 11 points). Oh, and the 12 the “jury from Belarus” gave Israel were Israel’s only jury votes.

BTW - the San Marino televotes are fabricated every year. Televoting doesn’t happen in San Marino. Who knew?

OublietteBravo · 19/05/2019 22:13

(Waits to hear that everyone else already knew)

WrathofEurovisionKlop · 19/05/2019 22:16

Your analysis is fascinating Red.

The bookies also got it right and they wouldn't risk their profits just to score points.
I'll be definitely watching more closely next year.

MLC4 · 20/05/2019 00:35

Madonna big disappointment but I thought the show overall was
excellent, loved it.

banivani · 20/05/2019 08:17

I’ve decided zero gravity is my favourite operatic Eurovision song ever.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 20/05/2019 08:51

Uk entry sounded quite nice to me. But utterly forgettable. I couldn't remember it 5 mins after it finished. Zero effort at attire and staging. Very lazy, can't complain about coming last if you turn up with a defeatist attitude.

I agree with the PP regarding how nice it is to see to some culture. I think this is where the UK keeps falling flat. We have great, diverse culture here, but none of it is ever reflected at Eurovision. Sometimes Ireland make it to the finals and do something with a traditional Irish heritage twist. I remember 'I am the voice' that was really good!

Where's the Welsh, Scottish or Irish influence in any of our entries? And why do we keep trying to do vanilla sophisticated and getting other people to write our songs for us? This is the country that birthed Kate Bush, Ziggy Stardust, Super Furry Animals, The Who, Queen, Boy George, Adam Ant and Right Said FredGrin (we could go on and on with this)

My point is we're eccentric! We wrote the book on eccentrism. We're fucking marvellous at it. So where the hell is our eccentrism when it comes to Eurovision, where being eccentric can go down very well?!

When it really comes down to it we just don't care enough to try and impress anyone at Eurovision. We can clearly do it when we want to. The Olympic Opening Ceremony was great. And of course there was the recent royal wedding of H&M. We put on pretty great shows there!

We need to start taking EV seriously as in making a serious effort, not just trying to be serious, which is the mistake we're making now.

And we need to start believing in ourselves and start reflecting that. I mean yes, due to politics we weren't likely to get any votes this year, but we still should have gone in there with a 'take that fuckers' attitude, and put on a memorable show.

I think our continued lacklustre performance truly reflects how little we think of pur place in Europe or something. I can't think of another reason for our current approach, because music is something we're pretty good at.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 20/05/2019 08:54

Mine too. I know many were saying it was Estonia's schtick not stick from last year - opera + big dress - but it was more accessible for plebs like me Wink. She did a terrific job and made it look easy when it could have gone horribly wrong. I first read the lyrics and about her PND and thought oh God, x-factor sob story....and I had PND myself so very mean-spirited of me - but during the course of the week I heard it many times and whether the inception effect, or just her glorious strahlend smile at the end, or actually thinking about weight being lifted as she sang, I don't know...it just really got to me and she brought me to tears.
I have loved this year's, I really have, I usually only have three songs on repeat...this year I have been replaying loads of them. My CD is arriving this week Grin [pats own head sympathetically]

banivani · 20/05/2019 09:26

Oh you're in deep "rage if you're getting the CD:s Grin I wouldn't go that far ever because there are too many shite songs always that you'd have to skip haha.

The year Johnny Logan won my father recorded the Eurovision from the radio for me (cannot remember why, we watched it on TV too), and I listened to the tape for yeeeaaars. Italy had a cracking song that year. Gente di Mare.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 20/05/2019 09:36

I am in deep bani way overinvested. Have watched it since I was 4 but never bought a CD before. I rarely buy cds now (Have 3 on repeat usually: editors, Lana del rey and depeche mode) but I need to do house stuff over several hours without a break. Usually listen to Ken Bruce for a couple of hours but am hoping eurovision will be more motivational!

RedToothBrush · 20/05/2019 09:55

Oh you're in deep "rage if you're getting the CDs

Confession. Some months back we pottered down for the quick drink at a local bar and quite randomly the barman was playing a Eurovision song. So we commented on it. He said "I'll give you extra points if you can name the country". I replied its Bulgaria and the song is called Bones. A long conversation about Eurovision was then entered into.

Its since become our defacto local...

I have a few 'sad bastard' eurovision stories come to think of it.

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banivani · 20/05/2019 10:25

Red but that made you a good thread host so not a bad thing ;) Love your default local!

I get excited about it when it's on but don't retain a lot of information about it at all. It's so nice to have somewhere to witter on about it though!

Rage I hope your CD is all you've hoped for. :D

Catherine It would be fun to see something more "ethnic" coming from the UK all right! Where's the punk? The northern soul? Mists and bagpipes?

MyMumDimensionJumps · 20/05/2019 11:12

Reading all this I'm so glad I didn't bother watching. I stopped watching last year when I realised political voting still existed despite the change in the scoring system and most people felt compelled to vote for the person who promoted themselves the most and sung like a chicken. I guess people vote for the most memorable song as there is quite a few to remember.

So we entered a dull song and came last? Nothing new there. Why do we base our song on a bad X-factor entry that only Louis Walsh would support? However, other countries enter equally dull songs and come top/mid table. Even if we sent Ed Sheeran singing the best song off his next album we would still be in the bottom 5. We just aren't popular as a nation and I can hardly blame the rest of Europe for feeling like that.

I just think we need to send the worst possible joke entry next year, or maybe Katie Price? She was up for it one year. I feel sorry for the singers we send out there to have their career murdered. It feels like a punishment. If we didn't even have automatic entry in to the final because of the funding we contribute we, would never be in it!

Interesting theory RedToothbrush. Can Katie Price sing in D minor? I'm not sure she could manage a key change anyway.....

GarethSouthgatesWaistcoat · 20/05/2019 13:04

I have the Belarusion Britney entry stuck in my head!