Married to a paedophile

[WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream]

Anyone watching?

A previous work colleague of mine was married to a man who was a pedophile. When she found out he'd been arrested and what for, she left with their two daughters and never went back. She left her whole life, the home, everything.

I'm watching this on catch up and think these women are utterly gutless. I can honestly say if anyone in my life, including my own children when they become adults, are ever found guilty etc of this I wouldn't hesitate in cutting off all of my contact with them.

Didn’t watch it. Sometimes I watch things like this, other times I cannot.

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 your view of 'abuse' is very mild. People urging her to protect her children are not abusing her. Putting children in danger, quite a different matter.

I think I'm done engaging with you.

I was 6 years old when my bil started molesting me. It has affected every relationship I have ever had. It's such a long story but when I told and he admitted nothing really changed. He went to weddings, cuddled babies at christenings and took his small gc on holiday. They were safe with him because it was only me. Only me. I can't understand it. This programme has been so horrible. No understanding of the children. My mother and my sister colluded.my mother has died. I can't forgive my sister but I love her.

BabySharks it's true. The families of the.perpetrator suffer more than they do.

He.didnt abuse me but was convicted in the late 70s, then again in the early 80s (( 80s logic he was sent to live back home. Mothers logic she allowed it ))

My 2 older siblings were absolutely tortured at school then in my brothers case especially would go home and have him.climb into his bed at night.

We got it all. The stigma of a man I didnt even know, he ruined my life. Kids werent allowed to our house, we didnt get invited to parties. We were that family. Through no fault of our own.

He was jailed again in 2001 for the crimes committed against my 2 older siblings. He got 9 years. I don't know the details nor do.I want to but apparently sentencing with historical cases is based on what theyd have got when the crime was committed. Which says enough for me.

People who try and normalise these crimes disgust me, as far as im concerned they should get 1 chance. If they reoffend it should be a lifetime tarrif. Theyre beyond help and have no right to continue to destroy even more lives.

The actor who plays 'Alex' in this was in Scott and Bailey and is married to Lesley Sharp. Sinead Keenan 'kate' has been in a few things I've watched before as well. I would have thought total unknowns would have worked better than vaguely familiar faces. I can't say more than this at the minute as still trying to process what I've just watched and understand what the motivation for the docudrama at all

Italiangreyhound - But we don’t know, from the limited information she has provided, that her children are in danger. We don’t know what her dad did. I just don’t like how people jump upon a vulnerable poster and try to make them feel like crap, when you don’t even know what she is dealing with.

But “you’re done engaging with me”. Right. Not because I’ve said anything remotely offensive to you, but because I might actually want people to think before bashing someone they don’t know .

@CoffeeAndCupcakes85

If you're going to call me out at least use my name instead of passively aggressively posting about 'abuse' and 'turning on other posters'

What a joke.

I'll tell you what abuse is...I'll give you a clue, it's what the children in this videos are going through day after day.

I told her to grow up because she was complaining about having to watch her parents move on and basically white wash his role in helping abusing children while her husband struggles to keep their children from their sick grandfather.

I'm sorry but as a mother you have a responsibility to your children to protect from this behaviour. You shouldn't hide behind the fact that 'its not easy' and then put your children at risk.

IMO, she isn't protecting her children as she is close to leaving her husband because he is keeping his children safe and she wants it all to go away.

Other posters why nicer about it yes, but why should we mince words?

Why sanitise the truth of this things when the child victims will have work hard to ever feel clean again?

As we've seen from the statistics, this isn't going away. More and more men think it acceptable to watch and masturbate to these kinds of images.

You can act as sanctimonious as you want for being open and not judgmental.

I am a bleeding heart liberal about a lot of things and I usually keep my judgy pants self to myself on these forums but not on this.

I don't care who it is, was or will be, I'm not an apologist for pedophilia.

There are child out there being taped and degraded so men like that can enjoy a momentary fission of pleasure.

Stopping that and preventing other children going through this is literally the only thing I care about in these situations.

Like someone else further up the thread said...the adults' feelings come last.

Sorry if you think that's 'judgey'.

IMO it's the permissiveness of this type of behaviour which means it will happen again and again.

he may have viewed images that 17 year olds put up of themselves performing sex acts, consensually

Rubbish!! On what website would you find these images of consenting 17 year old that have uploaded videos of themselves? That's not how it works.

You obviously know nothing about how these people access this types of material.

But hey let's keep blurring the lines...they were 17, they were consenting...they were asking for it, they weren't his kids blah blah blah!

I think the fact that her husband doesn't want his children in contact with the father speaks volumes.

What's 'pretty shitty' to me is people like you who hide behind the 'lets not rush to judge' the 'you don't know all the facts' brigade.

I just hate when people use those statements to justify not rocking the boat or maintaining the status quo of abuse and treating children like they are inhuman sex toys on the basis that there will always be mitigatiing 'facts' which make it okay.

to the victims of child sex abuse

bored

100%

frogface69 so sorry for your experience. It is not you, it is 100% him. So vile.

Bored. I love you.

DigsysDiner I'm so sorry.

CoffeeAndCupcakes85 “you’re done engaging with me”.

With respect, I am done enraging because you are using words like 'abuse' and now 'bashing' to describe posters sharing Lemon's husband's concerns.

It's not because I don't want to think.

It's because your words are very unhelpful. You are suggesting that pointing out concerns, politely to a poster is 'abusing' and now 'bashing' her.

Words have meanings.

Lemon said "DF was prosecuted for downloading indecent images on his computer receiving a community order.

I very much doubt these were images of 17 year olds.

But if my father and was prosecuted for downloading indecent images of 17 year old girls I'd still not want him anywhere near my kids. (and again, I very much doubt these images were of 17 year olds, since I think it is unlikely that the overstretched justice system has time for that.)

But anyway, as I say, if these images were of 17 year olds I'd still not want my father near my kids.

And it is your attitude that pointing that out is 'abuse' that makes me not want to engage further, nothing else. You are entitled to your views. But when we cannot agree common terms of reference there seems no point. I am very sorry for Lemon but I am more sorry for the kids who are abused and I am more concerned that men who prosecuted for possession of indecent images do not have access to children.

I’m going to stop posting as I find these threads so frustrating. I 100% believe in protecting children over and above everything. Just because I don’t shout “put a bullet in a paedophile” doesn’t mean I’m not shocked by things I read and hear and feel sick to my stomach about abuse of children. I will not make any excuses for paedophilia, ever.

My point with regard to Lemon is that the crime her dad was committed of (downloading indecent images) is extremely broad and we don’t actually know what he did. We don’t necessarily know that there was ‘abuse’ (and yes there are literally thousands of websites where teenagers voluntarily post pictures of themselves) and the fact that her dad got a community order suggests this may be the case, or that he downloaded images of someone/people he thought were above the age of 18 but in fact we’re not. All of this is wrong, but to me (and the courts) it is far removed from the horrific cases reported on in the programme. If my dad did something like the men on the programme, and viewed those sorts of images, I wouldn’t let my young children be near him. If, however, he viewed an image of someone he thought was older than 18 who turned out to be under 18, I wouldn’t be demanding that he never saw my children again. Without knowing the specifics of Lemon’s circumstances, we just shouldn’t comment.

Well said bored

frogface

Too many do gooders say but but but!
What about the abused children?
FFS
I was SA as a child (can't even type the full words)
It all eventually came out and the excuses made for my abuser were as damaging to me as the abuse I'd endured
What is it about abuse against children and women that sees so many make excuses
Not sure I'm even making sense
Sorry!

@Italiangreyhound you said everything I wanted to say in a calmer tone. Thank you.

@frogface69 I love you too. I sincerely hope you find some peace in your life. You have my ultimate respect for going through this and continuing to attempt to move your life forward. I'm sure you've heard this before but it was nothing to do with you and it was never your fault.

I genuinely don't give a shit about finer details. When somebody says that their father was done for downloading indecent images it doesn't take much to work out. The words 'indecent images' is kind of a massive giveaway. I'm not going to pussyfoot - if you post stuff on an open forum you have to expect responses.

I know first hand what abuse does to a person. I know how disgusting it is to watch some sick bastard get off on the fact you are terrified. I know how hard it is to move on from that.

Anybody that puts their kids in a position with somebody who has contributed to any part of that process needs to give their head a good wobble. And that is me really reining it in.

Oh who gives a fuck quite honestly what the semantics are.

You don't get taken to court for the shit you're talking about.

I just finished watching it on catch up. Feel quite traumatised and terribly, terribly sad. I hope I sleep tonight.

My goodness, who can be trusted?

Good on both of those women for cutting the men out of their lives, the second one later than the first but she did it. How they and their children are ever going to quite recover from it all I do not know.

The younger of the two men in the programme downloaded images of child abuse yet got community service. It's impossible to know from brief details the fuller picture.

I would not want to take risks. My daughter is a teen. I think she'd benefit more from not having a relationship with someone found guilty of possessing indecent images.

Just for the record my dear father is deceased and so I am just giving MHO and not speaking from experience.

Pissedoffdotcom

@CoffeeAndCupcakes85 I didn't say anything about 'put a bullet in paedophile' in fact very few posters expressed that people that view images of child sex abuse (child pornography implies consent IMO) should be killed.

Stop sensationalising to prove your point.

We don’t necessarily know that there was ‘abuse’ (and yes there are literally thousands of websites where teenagers voluntarily post pictures of themselves) and the fact that her dad got a community order suggests this may be the case, or that he downloaded images of someone/people he thought were above the age of 18 but in fact we’re not. All of this is wrong, but to me (and the courts) it is far removed from the horrific cases reported on in the programme.

Okay firstly, there are not thousands of website where underage teenagers post sexual videos of themselves because that's illegal. They would be shut down immediately by the ISP. You may be referring to social media Snapchat, Kik etc but those are peer to peer apps and not internet websites. I'm not some hysterical 40s housewife so i'm not buying this shit so stop peddling it. Any video of an underage person would be taken down.

I'm not going into massive detail for the sake of other posters but it is virtually impossible to stumble onto child sex abuse videos without actively looking for them.

Even the nastiness most extreme pornography website have to operate within the confines of the law. (I.e, it's all an act etc) If not, it has to go underground.

Even if we accept that the lenient sentence he received somehow fit the crime. At the very least, they were cat c images could encompassing anything from sexually suggestive images of children to family photographs.

Given that this is a thread about pedophilia that she commented on and not barely legal girls flashing their bits online ( which is a not less sickening issue but admittedly different). Coupled with the fact that the husband didn't want the kids around him, it makes rational sense that lemons df had indecent images of children.

You have purposely blurred this with the idea that 1. the people in the images were days/months away from being of age, 2. They were consenting 3. That they posted these images themselves.

This is a spectacular leap, red herring and a side diversion from the actual issue at hand. Which you have made simply so you can minimise the issue and maintain your perceived state of intellectual and moral superiority

What you don't seem to understand or care about is that this propagates attitudes which make csa more likely and harms the victims further.

Unlike Italian i'm not going to stop engaging with you, I'm going to respond and pull your arguments to pieces everytime you post something thoughtless and critically incorrect seeing as you like facts so much.

Because those children can't speak for themselves.

It had to be acted so the people in real life could achieve anonymity which is understandable. I thought it was a very good programme. I felt disgust for the wife who stood by her husband at least she came to her senses by the end. Probably because her son and daughter in law made her realise the gravity of what her husband had done.

He was also in denial. The ex teacher seemed to take a lot more responsibility for what he had done and was seeking help. Whereas the other husband seemed if anything to be somewhat dismissive. Trying to make believe he was just filing away different categories! How ridiculous.

From my understanding of the hard stretched under funded criminal justice system they wouldn't bother taking action over mainstream teen type pictures so if a man has received any sort of sentence it's a totally fair assumption that those images were the unspeakable type.

I have a memory of a serious TV documentary back in the 1970s, about family therapy where the father had sexually abused his daughter a child who was (I think) 9-11-ish years old. The police and legal system were not involved. Instead the therapist was trying to make everyone - including the child - share responsibility for the abuse.

I was a teenager at the time, not abused, and I still remember how angry that programme made me feel! I bless feminism for knocking that on the head, at least.

I havent watched the programme but, this is my daily life. SA from the age of 4-16. When I was finally brave enough to report my stepfather my mother stood by him. In my opinion she has done more damage then him in some ways.