Married to a paedophile

[WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream]

Anyone watching?

@lemonpie35 perhaps you should have a think about the what the babies and children in the images your 'D'F watched were put through. He's a paedophile and using the PTSD as an excuse is utter bullshit.

He shouldn't have been allowed to 'get on with his life' he should have been locked up for life. I don't know how your DH stays with you knowing you can forgive a paedophile, especially when you have your own DD.

Aeroflotgirl

I very nearly didn't post, fully expecting that sort of reply. As I've just posted - very easy to write if you've not been put through this situation yourself.

I’ve posted about similar to this before.
I’m in the situation where my neighbour had been convicted of being in possession of images and videos. He admits he has a problem and is trying to seek help, according to the source I found out from.
Now, my query is.....do I tell my other neighbours, with young children, as it’s not my place to tell? But I feel they should know. I don’t want to be the neighbourhood gossip, but I feel torn.

Also, I am in Scotland, If I go to the police asking for more information on him/his offences- will they tell me? A bit like Clare’s Law, but for paedophiles?
I have a very valid reason for enquiring, not just to be nosy. Without being too specific it involves my job/children. Thank you.
Sorry to derail the thread from the tv program.

I have suffered PTSD. It is not an excuse for contributing to child abuse.
I was also abused as a teenager. It was hell trying to come to terms with that as a teen...let alone have it happen as a child.

Paedophilia is very black & white in my world i'm afraid. The minute you venture into the thought of looking at indecent images of kids, you have crossed that line. And as a parent it is my job to protect my kids from evil like that - regardless of who that pereon might be. I have gone NC with family members for a lot less

Absolutely tell them @newnamechange1234 he's been convicted. It isn't gossip that's potentially untrue, if he lived in my street I'd want to know

I missed the screen shot at the end with the words, what did it say?

If he has been convicted shout it from the rooftops. People deserve to know. Knowledge is power. Personally there is only one thing good enough for paedophiles & that's a bullet.

It said 100,000 men are looking at images of child abuse.
The stop it now helpline for men and their families seeking support receives four times more calls than it can answer.

ItalianGreyhound it was statistics. There is a helpline for paedos & their families that receives 4 times the amount of calls it can answer i think it was

I had to switch it off too. Maybe that is how the families cope also - by shutting their minds to what has been done because it is unthinkable.

It said that the "helpline" for these disgusting cunts received four times the amount of calls it can handle and that the Met (I think) estimate that there are 100,000 mean a year looking at indecent images.

ComeTheFuck0nBridget (I LOVE your user name!)

'By looking at them he is contributing to creating a demand and fuelling a market for them, and as such there are other people out there who will then create more content for people like him.

I'm probably not putting that very succinctly but listening to that letter he wrote being read out really wound me up.'

It was vile wasn't it. And those daughters have fallen for it. He was mentally ill. Are all men who abuse women and children mentally ill. And what about mentally ill women and children who don't abuse anyone? How come that is how it seems to be?

@lemonpie35 I'm really so sorry you've been through this but I agree with your DH and have lost a dear friend for standing by that decision (her dh was found guilty & got community order for the same thing). I won't have him anywhere near my home or children and can't support her whilst she stands by him and totally undermines the seriousness of the offence not to mention total nativity of the impact staying with her dh will have on their children

I also dislike the notion that abuse begets abuse. I was abused. There is nothing on this fucking planet that would make me replicate any of that on my kids. I'd kill anyone who tried that shit on my kids

Fucking hell they are depressing and disgusting statistics. How is this ever going to change? Where the hell do these men who make these videos get the children from? Where are their mothers/fathers? Are women just as bad as the men? Handing their kids over on purpose?

@lemonpie35 It is easy. Using the term 'child porn' diminishing the fact that your father masturbated and ejaculated to sexual images of children. He went to some considerable effort to do so. Knowing he had children and grandchildren
These images don't just fall into people's laps. There should be no forgiving that.

This attitude is why people think that it's no big deal and that they can carry on doing it.

Those poor children vs selfish fucking bastards.

If I found out anyone I knew was doing that family or not, I would cut them off without a second thought. The fact that you think it's so difficult is ridiculous.

Your husband is there for your kids while you cry about being felt behind by your mummy and daddy.

Grow up, you're a mother. Do what mothers do and protect your children.

I hope to God if you and your husband spilt up your kids aren't left alone with your dad. Although if the worst did happen, you'd probably find a way to excuse that too.

BoredDotCom absolutely fucking spot on with your post

Well Lemon that is how I feel and many others, including your dh. Maybe you need to go for help, with this. Your father watched images for pleasure, of chikdren being hurt and abused. He satisfied his sexual urges with these horrific images. I would nit want my chikdren around someone like that, harsh though it sounds. I am with your dh.

I woukd not want anything to do with somebody like that. Thank god your dh is there to protect yiur children, as yiu are incapable of doing so, come across as very self centred in yiur posts, not thinking about the victims of the abuse that were hurt to satisfy yiur fathers sexual urges.

Thanks. I felt bad for being so frank about it but then I think of those children, being abused, being taped. Praying and hoping someone will come and save them but noone does and then some entitled prick getting off on that!!!!

I'm glad the older woman emotionally separated from him in the end. Initially I didn't understand her sticking with him but it became obvious she was in denial and had maybe never worked and her life was built around him. As she thought about it and saw how little repentance and self awareness he had she woke up.
I found the toilet roll by the window and computer very nauseating.
I think it's easier to forgive a father or son who is a paedophile than a spouse. I am a GP and have paedophile patients. Their mothers usually stay in touch whilst their marriages end. Some spouses stay but usually denying it ever happened and that usually involves sexual offenders where older girls are involved and they choose their husbands over the "lying little tarts". All grim.

I've been trying to be polite about it. But i cannot stand people that excuse shit like this with the whole 'he had his reasons' bullshit. The focus should be on the vulnerable, innocent victims not the self centred abuse contributors. Your post was spot on & needed i think

I think it's easy for us to say what @lemonpie35 should do. But it is her 'D' F and the dynamics are so different when it's a family member to what we imagine we would do in situations and should do. I have a parent who was abusive (not SA) and I'm sure my advice to someone else might have been that I'd cut them off etc... but I didn't. It's a very different dynamic when it's your parent to get your head around.

Takes a long time to process and I don't know any of us unless in these situations actually really know how we would cope.

I'm finding it an interesting program but agree the balance isn't struck right in terms of also considering the victims as well as the ones who are family to the perpetrator

newnamechange1234

"Now, my query is.....do I tell my other neighbours, with young children, as it’s not my place to tell? But I feel they should know. I don’t want to be the neighbourhood gossip, but I feel torn."

How is it not your place to tell? If you neighbour doesn't want people to know what he has done he can move house.

Pissedoffdotcom thank you, I thought it was an update.

*WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream "Are women just as bad as the men? Handing their kids over on purpose?" Please do not assume that based on one story in a TV programme. I am sure some women are complicit but I would not assume it is the same numbers.

lemonpie35 it is easy, your dad did something awful, whether you choose to forgive him in your heart or not, is your choice but there is no way on this earth you should let your kids anywhere near him. And your husband is completely right to want nothing to do with your dad or your mother for standing by him.

The safety of your kids should come before anything else. I am very sorry this even needs to be said. It really is that simple. Your dad made a choice. The children whose images were taken while they were being sexually abused did not have a choice. Your husband is completely right. Please listen to him.

I was sad it was based on real stuff as saying you had a sex addiction and depression are 2different things to actively looking at images with children in. It might be an addiction but it's to sexualising children, not sex. Also if the daughter was saying it's MH issue, then watch the Louis Theroux doc on pedophile rehab facility in US: it has 1% success rate. And the older guy lied about watching what he'd downloaded:so glad the wife came to right decision re her & grandchildren future.