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Original poster

Neighbours - off with Jacks head, the well is too good for him

999 replies

SleepingStandingUp · 20/02/2018 20:47

Here

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12
MorningsEleven · 02/03/2018 22:00

@Namastethefuckawayfromme

You're basically married to Karl Kennedy. You ought to know he emails random women on their birthdays.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 02/03/2018 23:05

Mumsnet, I need some advice.
I was engaged to be married but he got me arrested on our wedding day and we broke up. I never really got over him until I met a guy with no memory and I feel for him but he was reticent because he didn't know who he was. Turns out he used to be a vicar. We couldn't be together but after a near death experience we had sex and I feel pregnant. I didn't tell him til right near the end that it was his baby but by then it was too late for us - he'd picked the church too many times.
He actually left the church do he could spend more time with our son who has a weird growth condition meaning he's huge so out often takes two of us to get him around.
Anyway, I ended up getting back with the first guy who is desperate to be a Dad all that was all good but then me and the baby daddy had a one night stand even though he was going out with my current partners ex girlfriend. She found out then my owner found out just as he proposed to me. I begged him to reconsider and eventually he did. I told everyone how much I was in love with him and I even did my own secret pintrest wedding board but then he changed his mind back and we broke up.
I told my mum I couldn't possibly consider getting back with my baby daddy yet - there were feelings but I love the other guy.
AIBU to now go on a date with baby daddy 2 days after me and the other guy broke up and to have my date in the local pub where everyone will see us. I don't even think everyone knows me and the other guy broke up

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MiddleClassProblem · 02/03/2018 23:50

weird growth condition meaning he's huge so out often takes two of us to get him around. Grin

Also calling Mark an “owner”

dripfeed, ex fiancé has been engaged 382 times

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 03/03/2018 10:53

@SleepingStandingUp - even Jeremy Kyle would boggle at sorting out that relationship tangle!!

I didn't think anything could annoy me more than Jack, until I saw Dippi's acting 'class'. Who, in their right mind, would let that go on in a bar? Surely everyone else would go and drink elsewhere - and the 'actors' were only drinking water, so it would impact the takings for the day.

woodhill · 03/03/2018 16:02

That acting class was s**t and beyond the realms of fantasy imo was the worst thing I have ever seen in Neighbours

MorningsEleven · 03/03/2018 16:07

Do you know who Dipi would get on well with? Dancing queen Kate and her shithouse bowler hat.

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2018 17:46

Blatant excuse to make Jack take his to off to make us like him more.

Failed.

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TyrionLannistersShadow · 03/03/2018 17:57

That Raphael guy is seriously the worst actor I've ever seen and what is with the mumbling?! I can't make out what he's even saying. I think now that Tyler is banged up Jack has taken over his job as topless-man-behind-the-ironing-board , so get ready for lots of ironing related shots Grin. Next he'll be wandering around in a towel, neighbours must have a semi naked quota to fill.

MorningsEleven · 03/03/2018 17:57

Despite the inappropriate impregnation of Pain, I'm fairly convinced he's smooth like a Ken doll

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 03/03/2018 18:04

I do wonder what Tiny Tanaka is attracted to...

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MiddleClassProblem · 04/03/2018 00:04

MorningsEleven maybe Gabe is a gift from god? It’s about time Jesus got a sibling from his dad’s side. It would explain his super side and early walking/sitting/breakdancing.

MorningsEleven · 04/03/2018 11:19

You're right! Gabezilla is the new messiah.

MorningsEleven · 04/03/2018 17:54

Sleeping, Washing and Middle. Behave and don't laugh 🙈🙉🙊

I thought Gary was great this week and sort of appealing in A VERY NON SEXUAL WAY

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 04/03/2018 18:14

Mornings and Gary
Sitting in the hot tub
"Come and rub my Morning Sausage
And i'll be in Eleventh Heaven"

Gary whips off his tiny shorts
His tiny sausage is peeping
Mornings can barely see it
But she's a game gal so she tried

Just then the ghost of Hamish
Rose up 'between the bubbles
And Garys little sausge
Grew to the size of a bratwurst

"Oh Golly" gasped our Mornings
"What a mighty sausage you have"
She ravaged it with noisy glee
Whilst Sheila from the window peeped

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MorningsEleven · 04/03/2018 19:52

Sleeping was fast asleep, having a pervy dream about the time she and Gary got horny watching The Fly. She was still a bit chafed from wearing the tinsel thong at Christmas but Karl had been very attentive and applied oceans of lotions. In a Nigel Slater way.

She was confused. Should she stay with Karl or move on to Mark? He'd get her a cubic zirconia ring out of argos and she'd be well classy.Or should she have a baby with Karl who's closer to her age? 🤣

Then there was the one she really wanted...Gary Canning with his delectable sausage (if it helps, I feel sick typing that) and 500m hot tub of death prowess.

TheWashingFairyatemyhamster · 04/03/2018 21:32

I’m going to pretend that I haven’t seen Morning’s post since I’ve only recently eaten.

Might have a go at Susan’s AIBU...

DH’s ex is back in town with his lovechild conceived during our first marriage. She wants his sperm in order to give their child a sibling. This has been very difficult for me. Their affair and the conception of DSD1 (afaik) caused the end of our marriage. DSD is a sweet child and I bear no ill will towards her but her mother is a scheming manipulative bitch, and has somehow manipulated the situation so that I look like the bad guy for feeling uncomfortable with her suggestion that DH donates his sperm.

DH has agreed not to go through with it, but he is very weak where his ex is concerned and I am not sure that I can trust him to stick to this. Not to drip feed, but his ex is now a millionairess. Also, to give him his due, he has been nothing but welcoming to my stepchildren from my marriage that took place after we divorced, and before we remarried (not that they visit since they grew up and left home).

So, the ex has travelled from the other side of the world and apparently is thinking of moving to our area. There is a strange planning rule in our neighbourhood that means she will only be able to live in a penthouse at the local hotel or in the street I live in.

So AIBU to say to DH that I am not happy with her moving to the area, nor him fathering her second child, even by artificial insemination, and that he needs to make her go away without dropping me in it?

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2018 00:26

Or should she have a baby with Karl who's closer to her age?
You cheeky cow, Mark is older than me!!!!! Scott would be a whole higher school year and Alan is two years younger then my Dad. I hope the sausage was rotten and gives you cooties 😛😝😛😛😛😛😛😛😝😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😛😝😝😝😝😝😝😛😝😛😝😛😝😛😛

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Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2018 00:27

Washing: LTB

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TheWashingFairyatemyhamster · 05/03/2018 09:10

Sleeping sorry to drip feed, but I should probably mention that DH is a doctor of such magnificence that he has delivered all the children born on our street in living memory, helped a paralysed man walk again, and is a specialist in all known areas of medicine. There is nothing he cannot do, medically speaking. He also finds time to grow exotic fruit, cycles everywhere and gives back to the community at every opportunity.

I have a long term health condition which is managed into frankly miraculous remission nearly all the time, which allows me to hold down seven different jobs. I am worried that if we separate I will have a terrible relapse that only he can cure. There is another doctor I know but he is literally a tiny child, and is rarely at the hospital, because he spends much of his time pursuing unconvincing relationships with men who are dumber than a rock. I feel I have very few options as a result.

So do you still think I should LTB?

Lovewineandchocs · 05/03/2018 10:39

Well, if that was the extent of Izzy and Mark’s “bedroom scene” it was pretty crap. Izzy really is a conniving cow though Grin

OuaisMaisBon · 05/03/2018 13:13

Washing, love it, thank you for the laugh, especially: "There is a strange planning rule in our neighbourhood that means she will only be able to live in a penthouse at the local hotel or in the street I live in."

I love the way Holly sees right through her Mum's machinations! Also, she seems to look far more "normal" in school uniform with her hair tied back - much less resemblance to the Dallas Poison Dwarf!

Original poster
SleepingStandingUp · 05/03/2018 14:07

TheWashingFairyatemyhamster have you considered a time share option? pt husbands are a great idea, just being him home for kinky sex and diy.

Holly needs to hang out with thingy, Dee's daughter

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MorningsEleven · 05/03/2018 14:22

washing have you considered a red-haired doctor with a gorilla costume as a potential new husband?

You'd have to fight a feisty ex con for him but I'd back you up and I have the temperament of a badger with a wasp up it's arse!

MiddleClassProblem · 05/03/2018 16:59

Maybe Susan will marry Philip Banks for some crazy cross over... I know it’s is impossible due to him no longer being with us but CGI could rock it

MorningsEleven · 05/03/2018 17:08

Iiiiiiiiin West Philadelphia born and raised