It was no use. Sleeping had printed out a floorplan of the Brennan's house from Rightmove but the overnight addition of eleven extra bedrooms made it impossible to read. The only way to locate Tyler and give him his special gift would be to ignore the restraining order and peer through the bedroom windows. Or just open the unlocked front door.
As she entered the living room with that weird wooden shit all over the wall, she paused for a scratch. The combination of her tinsel thong and unicorn hair merkin was becoming uncomfortable.
She crept as quietly as you can with a tinsel covered fanny to the first bedroom door. There was a smell of cuprinol and lynx. She peered through a crack in the door to see interesting Az giving woodentop David a haircut with a chisel and sandpaper.
Meanwhile at the Waterhole Middle was nervously topping up her wine. She'd been waiting for so long for her one true love to return to Ramsay Street so that she could introduce him to their love child. She patted Ellie on the nose, fed her a polo mint and said “Don't worry, Daddy will love you". They both smiled.
Over by the well Amy, Jimmy, Yashvi, Kirsha, Jack and Lyn fucking Scully were playing beach volleyball. Jack looked pretty good in his bikini but he was still an annoying dickhead. Suddenly there was a flash in the sky. The intense light from middle and Ellie's gigantic teeth had created a huge laser beam that burnt off a bit of Uranus. The deadly space rock crashed to earth and split the well right open. All those irritating buggers fell right in it. Oh and also fucking Sonya did too.
In the penthouse Flo couldn't see the teeth meteor thing because she was dazzled by all of the diamonds that Pauly had lavished on her. Also she was scuttered on that stupid unicorn gin with sparkly bits in that probably makes you shit glitter.
Back at the Brennans that stalker sleeping was still peeping and creeping. She approached door number two sounding like she'd got half a dozen packets of crisps down her keks and let out an audible gasp. The terrible secret that Hamish had told her during their night of passion in Sheila's hot tub (the one when they pleasured each other with garden gnomes) was real. The evidence was in front of her and she now knew who had killed Hamish.
Middle looked up from the nosebag that she was crocheting and her heart leapt. There, after all these years, was her soul mate. She stood, caressed all of his chins (that bit took a while) and said “This is your daughter". Flabbergasted, he took a step back “But how and when?” he asked. “Oh my love,” said middle “remember when we went to band camp and you let me play with your cumbersome tuba?” Harold let out a cry of joy and did that jowl wobbling thing then kissed middle with tongues. She fucking loved it.
What would sleeping do? She'd come here to hunt down Tyler and ride him till he broke but she knew that she should go see Mishti and tell her that Mark is as smooth as a Ken doll down below and was being blackmailed by Hamish. If anyone found out Mark had no genitals he would never find his eleventy billionth fiancée. Mark's addiction to engagement rings had overwhelmed him and he threw Kate's glittery hat at Hamish and the memory of Kate dancing literally frightened him to death face first in the hot tub.
“Ah fuck it!” thought sleeping “I've got shares in Ratners and Elizabeth Duke, I'm not dobbing him in. I might get shares in canestan next because this tinsel has made my fanny swell like a pufferfish.”
"Tyler! Come and feel my furry fanny, it cries unicorn tears"