Never Gonna Kyiv You Up: Grand Final Eurovision 2017

[SuffolkNWhat]

Welcome one and all to the Grand Final thread!

Put up a chair, grab your blue cocktail and join us for an evening of dancing gorillas and loads of red and white outfits.

The running order of the Grand Final of the 2017 Eurovision Song Contest:

1. Israel: Eye Candy
2. Poland: First Aid Kit Dress
3. Belarus: Boat Wind Machine and Sticky Back Plastic Guitar
4. Austria: Lee Ryan in Dreamworks
5. Armenia: Hyundai Bollywood Dancers
6. The Netherlands: Talent Contest Rejects
7. Moldova: Epic Sax Guy Solo
8. Hungary: Sgt Pepper's Rapping Gypsies
9. Italy: Dancing Gorilla

10. Denmark: "Danish" Traitor with a Massive Gin and Red Dress 11. Portugal: Singing Werewolf in his Dad's Suit 12. Azerbaijan: Goth, Ladders and scary Horseman 13. Croatia: Go Compare Pavarotti Man 14. Australia: Bush don't come cheap, buy him some socks 15. Greece: Wet Underwear in a Paddling Pool 16. Spain 17. Norway: Darth Punk 18. United Kingdom: Whole Lotta Gold 19. Cyprus: Fair Isle Sequins and Gravity 20. Romania: Yodelling Taylor Swift and Her Massive Glittery Cannons 21. Germany: They really don't want to win 22. Ukraine 23. Belgium: All Alone in the Rabbit Headlight Zone 24. Sweden: TopMan ad. Too Frikkin Beautiful to be Dr Evil 25. Bulgaria: Bieber Untouchable Child 26. France: it'll be in French.

A huge thanks to RedToothBrush for the summaries on the last thread and GinSwigmore for the thread title.

I can't wait for Romania now!

Well, this is nice but dull.

This bloke is too smiley.

Smiley men are not to be trusted.

if my surname was 'difficult' I would be tempted to call my dc 'very'
:o

Only memorable because of the moon.

Shit song = good staging to get votes

Might be the Moon. He's scared of moon.

I'm a bit disappointed Dreamworks haven't slapped a lawsuit on his ass.

He would probably have performed on a flying BMX instead.

You can't run in space, he's got that wrong.

Preferred the Austrians when they wore coloured curtain costumes tbh.

Dominatrix! Can't wait!

I am supposed to be low carbing but I am extremely close to running to my local corner shop for some crisps. And other shit.

Those wanting Graham Norton are welcome to him. I would rather listen to a farting monkey than his commentary.

Too many rings

You can build this up as much as you like Graham but it's still awful!

Now that I can't fast forward it's going to get boring.

Oh, a possible interesting beat.

Mmm, nice hair!

Hate Armenia, hate Greece, hate that whole shebang. Always the same thing: female soloist attempts to imitate American pop singer.

dillite Eurovision does tat to you

I did it sober a couple of times. Oh my god. It was hell.

We've already hit rock bottom with Eurovision in the past now that we've with BREXITED the only way it up! Thats my bit of cheese for you tonight .

Anyone else doing the light voting thing on the App? It's a very serious business in this house trying to get the average of 5 people's scores organised 😂

You can't run in space, he's got that wrong.

Nobody can hear you in space either, which would be an improvement.

I thought of doing it sober this year.
But then I came to my senses.

All v monochrome tonight. This one's a bit Macbeth but an improvement on the 14 r old Austrian in white dwarfed by a moon.

The dancing is good....