Celebrity Masterchef bring your fruit based salads and comfit egg yolks this way

[fourquenelles]

Thought I'd open up in anticipation as I have Fat Club tonight so may miss the very start.

I was going to suggest a drinking game. Take a swig every time Greg(g) gurns to camera but we would all be pissed in the first 3 minutes.

See you Friday!

See you Friday at 8:30 pm. I may crack open a bottle of wine as its the weekend. Living life in the fast lane.

Ok I am running late so will summarise.

Donna Air - WTF is with the accent?! And as to the thinness, DH has just said he thinks she looks like Munch's painting 'The Scream'....

Gosh, none of them can cook, can they?

Restaurant challenge - The boys are basically just hearing up ready meals. Because that's what cookery competitions are about...

I'm really late to the game! They are just off to the restaurant.

They couldn't cook and didn't seem to even like food.

Don't ask me how I know but donna had some major cooking lessons before the show. She is desperate to win as she was a has been until she got with James. She's also recently had lots of elocution lessons (how many times did she say yaa yaa!). And she's very very dense (she even missed Gregs terrible donna kebab joke).

She's been practising for months - both accent and cooking!

And as for the restaurant challenge, the show effectively books it out for the service and covers the cost so the diners actually get to eat for free and many are shipped in from agencies.

Ooooo sits next to Babbas more gossip, more gossip, more gossip!!!

Brilliant summary of last night's episode in today's Guardian. Here's the highlight (has Sinitta really appeared on all these reality shows??):

That Sinitta had got this far without ever appearing on Celebrity MasterChef is either a miracle or an oversight. Her roll call of slightly grotty television appearances is endless. She’s been on The X Factor. She’s been on I’m a Celebrity. She’s been on Loose Women and Wife Swap and Never Mind the Buzzcocks and Come Dine With Me and Dancing on Ice and Grease is the Word and Hit Me Baby One More Time and Cirque De Celebrité and Who’s Doing the Dishes and The Jump. You could put out a casting call for a series where celebrities have to fart the alphabet in front of the disappointed ghosts of their dead ancestors and Sinitta would still be there, jostling with Louie Spence at the front of the queue.

But all those shows were simply a warm-up for the main event; for if anyone was born to make John Torode’s jowls wobble with befuddlement, it’s Sinitta. “My children think I’m an amazing cook,” she said early on, while mashing butter and vinegar together with such vigour that it made you want to find these poor kids and hand them a pasty.

One oft-unheralded fixture of the MasterChef universe is narrator India Fisher, who for years has managed to benignly nudge the action along with near-infinite reserves of patience. However, Sinitta’s culinary ineptitude represented a brave new challenge for Fisher: could she manage to describe these dishes without audibly dry-heaving? Miraculously, she could, the phrase “Sinitta’s beef and spinach mousse” reeled off without so much as a burpy retch.

The accent was so off putting.

Où est La Rousette?

Donna Air reminds me of Margaret Thatcher. It's the teeth and the way she speaks, those elocution lessons are obviously paying dividends

Loved Gregg telling John to watch for the burnt bits on Tommy's dish, but happily try a bit of Sinitta's raw lamb and aubergine thing in the first round!

we watched on iplayer and it cut out before we saw who went out, somehow me and DP managed to guess

Maybe she's on holidays living the good life squoosh

Offers Babbas copious amounts of maltesers in exchange for more MC gossip

Only just caught up with this. I get how you might not be able to tell a burger is undercooked if the outside bits are brown, but Sinitta didn't even achieve that much. I really don't understand how she achieved that unless she thought she was doing some sort of steak tartare.

With these shows don't you get paid the same however long you last? Perhaps she wanted the money and an early exit.

I have found you! I am late to the party as we have to watch on IPlayer due to DH's fucking awkward shift patterns

DH and I played Drinking Coffee Bingo and I won with "lovely lovely thing". For the next episode I'm staking my bets on John saying "It could be a thing of wonder" whilst DH has gone for Gregg shouting saying "I caaaaant eat that, it'll kill me".

Why do John and Gregg shout at each other when they are standing about a foot apart?

Sinitta looked permanently baffled throughout the whole process; I don't believe she'd ever set foot in a kitchen in her life. Did you see her vaguely pointing at a spatula at one point, referring to it as 'that...er....thing that does.....er'

Dashes in to give JudyCoolibar the secret RTH handshake, dashed out again, back next week for Gleb.

'ere we go!

Evening all, happy Friday

Why are these lot back again, have I missed something.

Oh god, it's the relay thing, is it?

Oh that's always good for a giggle Halsall

Tommy Cannon/Ball will just stick everything in one big pan and make a giant hash of main and pudding, if his previous dishes are anything to go by.

and burn it around the edges!

Ooh, that Hustle one is bringing the dramatics, isn't he?