Master Chef Professionals. Part II.We all live for Thursdays. A main of Marcus with a side of Jay.

[Ohwhatfuckeryisthis]

And not a Gregg's sausage roll to be seen.

I'm sure this restaurant is amazing, but all that odd stuff leaves me craving a great steak and green salad

I;m not eating that.
The berry thing looked like a wasps nest.

Ah I wondered what cultivated wool would be!

Why is there a dirty rag on the plate?

Wool...
Mould doesn't make it sound any better.

Blue cheese is as mouldy as I go. Mouldy tea towels, nah.

'Yeah massive'.

Jamie you big polite liar.

They all look a bit shell shocked bless em.

If you ever find yourself trying to impregnate a tomato maybe it’s time to go for a soothing walk in the fresh air.

How pretentious!

This has redefined wankery

This is annoying.

It's food. But no, they have to poncy-fy it until its own grandmother won't recognise it.

Redefined wank is probably the main ingredient in the pudding.

Little bit of nothing on a big white plate - who sang that song back in the 80s?

Jamie has such a cheery face.

I'm going to make coffee whilst the poncey bit is on.

Throat? Did he say throat?

I had cod throat, chips and mushy peas (with scraps) tonight.

Mmmmm......cod throat...

I am afraid so. I wonder how much this wankery costs the punters?

Oh god what a pile of wank it is tonight.

And I do not ever want to eat anything that has been 'impregnated'!

Is this really for real? The branding iron!! Jeez my pelvic floor can't cope with this sort of thing since I gave birth!

Is this really for real? The branding iron!! Jeez my pelvic floor can't cope with this sort of thing since I gave birth!

That plate of white blobs looked.......unappetising shall we say

I don't want to physical presence of cheese.

FFS.

That steak looked lovely though.