One Born Every Minute - Weds 1/2/2012

[HepHep]

Who is watching tonight? I'm quite excited No chocolate here though. Forgot to get some, bugger.

You're not alone Mejon. I was on all fours with DS and the mw said "I need to examine you." A couple of minutes later I said "When are you examining me?" and she laughed and said "I just did it!" Didn't notice at all

My DSis is married to a mixed race Jamaican/ white man, and her baby was white at birth. Brother-in-law had to put up with the jokes on paternity, by the time their baby was a year old, the olive complexion and curly hair had come through, and there was no doubt on paternity.

Sounds like Nathaniel was not the Dad though. Poor Jess, they should not have shown it.

The older couple were hilarious , just 'hmm' every now and again nice though.

That whole Jess situation was a bit of a mess wasn't it. I do feel sorry for Nathaniel he's been humiliated on national TV I don't understand the sympathy for jess surely she was aware their was 'options' and tbh wouldn't have told the lad to come if she wasn't 100 per cent.

And why would she not have an examination ,I was sat there thinking It can't be any more pain then you're already in!!

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere Im so glad you said that, its not just mixed race babies either. Im full black (for want of a better phrase) and was born very pale, as was my daughter. My Mum and Brother both are "light skinned" black people.

I think its ridiculous that anyone from watching the programme could have speculated that the "too pale" arguement had even occured.

Tbh, thats a shit assumption to make and I was when I read it on this thread. Bit unfair saying that they'll be on Jeremy Kyle also

I really think that Ch4 didnt need to show it.

I am still confused about all the refusing of VEs. It never crossed my mind. The midwives were there to help me give birth as safely as possible, if they thought a VE was necessary they did one. I'm sure the midwives don't particuarly like doing it.

After I had come back down off the celing the midwife turned to my friend (also a midwife) and said 'I dont understand, they dont usually hurt'

VEs are torture but I know that they are not like that for all women. I think MW need to understand that just because they are quick and not supposed to hurt doesnt make them ok.

I said it before, they were the worst part of labour for me. After the MW did one with DC4 I felt like I couldnt trust her. I had been asking her to stop and she carried on saying 'just a second, hang on'.

It was absolutly horrible.

Next labour I warned the MW that I didnt want them. I consented to one but told them that they HAD to stop when I said so. They did. They also looked a bit puzzled as to why I was in so much pain.

Maybe its a physiological thing? Something to do with anatomy. Plus my last two babies didnt drop down till they were almost born so their heads were very high.

Whatever - MWs should never dismiss the truamatic affects of unwanted examinations.

I had the babies with just G&A because I was at home so its not like I couldnt bear any sort of pain without 'fuss'.

My recording obviously stopped too early so I missed any disclaimer. Poor Jess and babygirl if Nathanial isn't the father. I am a bit angry that they've shown that episode. The paternity must have been questionable for more than a couple of weeks. They must also have more episodes they could have stuck on.

Ruby my poor MIL. She had 12 kids and they are all varying skin tones from very light to very black. Some even have green eyes.

She gave birth to those children from the early 60s to the late 70s when understanding was even less than it is now. She had to put up with a lot of from white neighbours who were convinced they all had different dads

Tbh I didnt know you could refuse VE either. I just thought it was part and parcel of birth and did as I was told. But it depends how stressed out and scared you are and also the circs of your birth I guess and how the midwives are with you.

But from what I saw last night I dont think she knew it was within her rights to refuse it (esp the way the midwives kept going on at her), she was just scared and in pain and didnt want anyone near her.

OhDo that doesn't surprise me at all, just goes to show times havent really moved on all that much then eh?

My own prick of a Dad said to my Mum "she cant be mine she's too light" even though my Mum is also. Then 16 years later the first time I met his Mother, my Grandmother and it turns out she's half chinese!!! My Mum could not believe it!

The old old excuse for being a cowardly bastard hey? 'Cant be mine, too light/dark'

My youngest is very light skinned but has the most afro features and the best hair ever. Really really curly and big.

DD was quite dark but she and DS1 looked more South American (OH is from Guyana).

All of them are different in lots of ways but all totally beautiful.

I just wish they all had the same hair. Just when I get the hang of one type another comes along with totally different flipping hair!

Won't someone please fill me in on the paternity thing? Don't have FB and my recording failed at the crucial bit.
If you don't I won't tell you the most ridiculous conversation I overheard on the bus regarding paternity.
A thick bloke was telling another that he didn't think the baby was his because he had long hair. Thick blokes family hair is always short.

Spark

There are lots of conflicting agendas at work. There is hospital protocol, resource management, safety statistics for the population, individual risk, research/evidence-based practice, psych of the woman.

They are all at play and they don't all pull in the same direction.

VEs are not evil. TBH if a midwife expressed concern about something and wanted to do a VE to help her get a better picture of what was going on, I would probably take the risk of putting myself in the position I would need to that would mean I could no longer be able to cope with labour and accept one.

But they'd have to be a VERY good reason for this.

Routine VEs are unnecessary and detrimental to the way that I can manage labour, leading to too much adrenaline and a likely outcome of heavy intervention and psychological issues.

Having said all that. I quite liked the piano fingered midwife!

To completely reiterate the pale skinned/question of paternity thing - my DH is mixed race, I'm white. He's fully expecting our children to just sort of look Mediterranean / olive skinned look. Maybe with better hair than me, haha!

I was convinced they'd come out darker because I read an article on DNA dominance and it's usually the father's father's genes that are dominate (this does work in my family in terms of skin tone/hair colour) and DH's dad is just like Mr Motivator (complete with doo-rag and bum bag, hahaha!). But DH says he's seen many kids at school with similar parentage to what our children will have and he said they were all pretty light.

Who knows though! Genes and DNA can get up to all sorts of tricks!

My dd is mixed black/white as is her dh. All their 3 dcs look different,one is really fair with blondish curly hair....one is dark with blue eyes...the third again light with green eyes. They are really beautiful (obviously) but she gets asked all the time if they all belong to SIL.

My mum married a Jamaican when I was a toddler (my lovely dad),and when my brother was born he was so fair my mum was scared for my dad to come to the hospital,even though she knew it was his child. My dad walked in,picked up my brother and declare "He looks like my brother Fred!"

My mum said she had never been so relieved in her whole life!

Re: genes. I have always been a bit confused because dd 1 and i both have very blue eyes but her father has very brown eyes. I always throught brown dominated over blue? we have no brown eyes in our family ever as far as I know, but does that count?

Blue eye genes are recessive but if the brown eyed parent has antecedemts with blue eyes then he/she can pass on a recessive Blue eye gene to a child, which together with the Blue eye gene from Blue eyed parent will make a Blue eyed child (got that?)

Most mixed race DCs with one black/asian parent will have brown eyes because there is less ethnic diversity in africa and asia and less likelihood of recessive Blue eye genes anywhere. However when the brown eyed parent is mixed race themself or esp carribean (where there was ethnic mixing from many generations back) there is more likelihood of recessive blue eye genes lurking.

My DS has white (but tannable) skin and light brown european hair. He looks like DH facially and has brown eyes but otherwise looks completely caucasian. He is in fact 50% european, 25% arab and 25% black. You never know.

Should I be worried that dh and I both have brown eyes, but ds's are blue? We each have a parent with blue eyes, so can two blue eyed recessive genes make up a blue eyed child?
(Not sure why I say worried, I have zero doubt about who the father was!)

If you know who your ds's parents are then you already know the answer to that question :)

I just explained about recessive and dominant genes above, so yes, you must have both passed on blue eye genes.

Why does everyone think Jess will be a good mum? Her own mum seems nice on camera but she has done a shit job at bringing up her daughter.

Where are her morals? her manners? her dignity? Has she got any qualifications or a job?

She's 17, she doesn't know who the father is, and it sounds like it could be one of many, her language is appalling, what are her prospects? I am sure the baby will be loved, and it would be nice to think that she will be one of the few that turns her life around, but from what I saw she will live a life on benefits, and the vicious circle will continue. Why are you all applauding her?

Why wouldn't she be a good mum? Plenty of people with 'no prospects' who don't speak the Queen's English and receive benefits do a fabulous job, and others with letters after their name, a steady job and a beautiful command of the English language are appalling parents. What is your point?

cackinghell I think I must have been watching a different episode from you.

There simply wasnt that much information in the show I saw to come to that conclusion.

How did you find out about her sex life and qualifications? How the feck do you judge someone's dignity from watching them in labour?

You are making huge and unpleasant judgements based on your own prejudice rather than any proper information.

Arent you know?

Wellll why would she need a dna test if she was sure who the father was? and if there is doubt over the father there is at least 2 possibilities. It is not dignified to swear and curse in normal speech on tv (not talking about during labour).

There wasn't enough information in the show to conclude that the baby would have a fantastic life either.

I still don't see why swearing (have you seen the language on this forum?!) or having sex with two men in a short time means she's going to be a crap parent, which is essentially what you're saying?