I've rejoined mn to look for advice/support, I'm hoping it'll help but I'm also feeling like I might get obsessed with all this and I'm almost at my wit's end with thinking about it all the time.
This will be long, sorry, but just to get everything out there...
Nearly 13 year old DD, diagnosed autistic at 10.
Masks at school, but main issue is she struggles with changes to routine, doesn't get social interaction really, think it all confuses her, she doesn't like being touched, everything is on her terms, have to be very low demand. Anxious and socially very anxious, crowds etc. Goes mute if demands too high. Can't talk to adults. Sensory issues too, possibly hypermobile and dyspraxic.
Went through a period of about a year where she was physically attacking me, breaking stuff, not attending school about once a week or more. Thankfully that's abated but I think it's just that we are all dealing with it better and just don't put too many demands on her.
She's angry all the time. Started off accepting the diagnosis but gradually has been less accepting. It's not cool to be autistic.
Decided she was non binary, changed names several times, now apparently 'aroace' and a boy. Oh but she also likes boys. This has changed about a million times in the last 3 years. No signs of this at all until the last couple of years since puberty. I know all this from her tumblr account and her phone, which I check. She will not speak about any of it to any adult, it's all just with her friends and online. She's got very restricted access to social media, considering shutting down Tumblr but I'm just monitoring it for now. Discovered she's been going to a pride club at lunchtime and I think there might be a couple of teachers who support this, which is tricky because I don't think they realise it's not as simple as her being a poor little gay teen with unsupportive parents...she's incredibly vulnerable to suggestion and to fitting in, even if it's fitting in to a weird little group.
Last 6 months she's been restricting food, searching for anorexia etc.
Only just come to light, monitoring it, school aware, she's lost a bit of weight. Seeing GP soon as it's really set in now, over the last month she's stopped eating at school. Again, all from snooping her phone. Has periods of eating really well for a few days then back to nothing for a few.
Now is convinced she's got tourettes, keeps posting about tics, she does have a few but nothing to the extent she's saying online. Also saying she's having panic attacks at school...school have seen no evidence.
She's moody, rude, sarcastic, sulky, downright bitchy about me online (I'm transphobic apparently because I suggested she might not want to cut her hair crazy short as it's too thick and wouldn't be easy to manage🤣) she's not a bloody boy FFS, she's an autistic girl who started her periods at 10 and is desperately trying to fit in somewhere, unfortunately the school have a few girls like that, they all hang out in music at lunch and I'm sure all bitch about how terrible their parents are, how they all have anxiety and tourettes, they're all non binary or trans...she's unfortunately found her tribe. I thought it was a good thing but it's made it more complicated.
She's searched suicide, running away, all sorts. Self harms, not too often but last time was the worst. Constantly searching tourettes and anorexia.
There's so much. I'm separated from her dad and he's a good dad but very distant, ASD too, undiagnosed, bit of a robot. Drinks too much, never tells them he loves them or really tries to cuddle or anything. Not involved day to day, travels a lot for work. I do everything and I work full time teaching. We both have new partners and it's been three years since we split, I stayed in the house to keep things the same for them and we get on fine, they've never seen any tension since we split. I had feelings for someone else towards the end of our relationship, talked to him about it and he said he was unhappy for years, didn't want to try anymore, I got very depressed, then lockdown, we split up, he moved out in summer 2020. I'm with my partner a couple of nights a week when ex has the kids, he's met the kids recently and they really like spending time with him, I don't think any issues there. He's really supportive and I honestly don't know what I'd do without his support. I don't have friends, they all disappeared over the last few years. Too much bother when your kids won't leave the house or do activities.
I have days where I could happily run away myself.
But then I have days like yesterday, she was chirpy, chatty, we watched Hamilton, she ate junk food, and a good dinner, she cuddled up to me on the sofa and talked about school and loving drama and music...was like having my little girl back. Then there's this other side to her, the one that bitches about me online and to her friends and says she wants to kill me for eating cereal near her.
She won't do therapy, is angry if I even suggest things to help.
I honestly think she actually enjoys being miserable because it suits her alter ego to be that way.
I'm at the end of my tether, I worry about her all day when at work, I can't function or look after myself. I love for my time away from her but also feel guilty for feeling that way. My life is just endless walking on eggshells, trying to deal with various people to get help, talking to school, checking her phone to see how much she's eaten (she's got a calorie counter app) and crying on my way to work. I'm so tired.