swearing and shouting wanting no boundaries,i can't see a way forward

[thebestofit]

our dd is angry about staying out and having her own way without permission
when i picked her uplast night and said she had to come home not stay at friends house she went mad screaming and shouting at me in the street and car i was actually a bit scared.
I had been keeping the peace letting her do more or less as she pleased within reason but her dad said to be firmer so i grounded her for going out without permission but she won't stick to the grounding just stays out.When i went to get her she became totally out of contrl f*ing and blinding,calling me a fing b*ch and said she would run off.
I feel very worried and don't know whether to call parentline[if she is out] or actually wish i myself could just leave as her dad is inconsistent and not helping and i can't take any more.
she is 16 in the summer and if this carries on she'll have to move out i don't know if that involves a social worker or not.
Any genuine advice please but don't be too ott in what you say as this is becoming very worrying and fragile

I've told her i disapprove of a sexual relationship at 15
She knows she can go to gp alone if she wants to but i don't think it should be condoned at this age
its really sad that so many young teenagers have sex in the uk
having said that i'm ok with it at16/17

she is already mostliekly having a sexual relationship, she is unliekly togo to docs alone

go to family planning and get her some condoms

classes wise i know she is going there but overnight i am pretty sure she does other things than just go to friends house~one day i saw she had lovebites and asked her if shed seen her bf and eventually said shed seen him at a party[?]

on here opinions vary such as gg saying she sounds ok i think am i overreacting then others say their dcs don't even go out on a week night without lifts and think i am irresponsible

i know its up to me but thats obviously what i'm struggling with

my ds at 15 also wanted to do more than he was allowed but he is fine now at 17.Its the age when they want to do it all but i'm not comfortable with it all until 16/17

also its not so much what shes allowed as how she is and lying etc

well her class would have finished at 1 at the latest so bus back,3 pm at latest
have not heard from her do not know her plans

yes injection would be best but the way things are lately she won't want to go with me thats for sure but i need to check out if she can have it and the hpv vaccine

should use condoms as well , injection wn't protect from clamydia or gonorrhea etc

actually this may not be very in vogue but i do take the view if you are mature enough to have sex you can be mature enough to get contraception
I know I did and i certainly didn't want to go with my mum heaven forbid

lulu thats true altho it is up to them

with all due respect, your daughter won't tell you where she is and screams and shouts,and youthink she is mature enough to go and get her own contraception?

take a firm grasp of this situation

Lulu i don't know why you're telling me i have to get her contraception

you suond like you are abdicating responsibility. you have to give her direction and assistance, let her know you can and will help rather than telling her you don't cndone a sexual relationship and then in the next breath expecting her to get contraception sorted

to ensure her sexual health? to let her know that you are not delighted she is having sex at 25, but y0u want her to be safe? because she is your daughter and she still needs a mum?

and what i meant was even if they have condoms you can't know they will use them~it is therefore up to them,with all due respect

ooops, 15, not 25!!

ok, well, at least she has them.
one less reason not to use them,if she has them

yes but my direction and assistance is not to have underage sex,i have told her that already and i don't see why i should ok it really

okk, having sex at 15 is not ideal.however,there is a good chance she is,and you ensuring as far as possible she is having safe sex issurely better than dealing with an STI or pregnancy? she is 16 soon though?

your disapproval will not stop her having sex

this is one issue though within what is going on,but it is important

15.7 yrs

You know i'm not entirely sure what i am struggling with,i'm just really sad,disappointed and shocked by it all.
I'm gutted that she thinks i'm a rubbish mum and even more by the possibility that i am.
What am I finding so hard to cope with
? underage sex
? her accusations i am not up to scratch and have let her down
?that i feel she is misbehaving and letting me down at an age where i thought she would be good

so in 5 months time, you are going to be totally ok with her having sex?

I agree with lulu. It's naive to think that your disapproval will stop her having sex and, if you think she is already having it and is not mature enough to organise her own contraception, then, as her parent, you should do it for her. At the very least give her a packet of condoms. Tell her that you think 15 is far too young to be having sex, give her some leaflets about the health consequences of early sex (I'm sure your gp surgery will have some) and give her the condoms on the basis that at least she has then - make it clear that providing them does not mean that you approve or like the fact that she is probably having sex.

Tell her that many of her friends will say they have had sex when they haven't and that she should not feel pressured into having sex by anything that anyone says. She is her own person and she should choose to have sex when she feels ready and is with the right person.

if you were a rubbish mum, you would not care and would not be posting.

thanks creativezen will do that