Clubbing for the under 18's. is it safe, how do you let them go the first time..HELP!!

[psychomum5]

DD1 has thrown me and DH a little. There is a rave in the local night club, for the under 18's, she has shown us the link, we know it is real.

she has asked to go, but with three girls we don;t know so well, one of which we do know, and the last time she was at our house did stuff we were not happy with (ie, was DD1's 14th b/day, we allowed a sleep-over for 6 of her friends, and this one girl had invited boys over via bebo and the first we knew was me going down as I heard the door open, and there were boys in the lounge........at midnight).

hence, we have little trust for this one girl we know, and as much as we trust out own DD, this is very very hard. We want her to grow up, (she is 15 in april BTW), we want her to do stuff that we used to do, but at the same time, we (me especially thru bad experiences), know what it can be like out there, especially if you are with girls who like to push the boundries a lot little.

now, as it stands at this moment in time, we have said yes, but we drop her there, pick her up, I have given her basic safety advice, and she will have her mobile.

she is ranting tho about how unfair it all is, how we don;t trust her, how her friends claims she is being treated like a baby etc etc etc.

we are trying so hard to do things in our way, so WE feel safe knowing that she is as safe as poss, but at the same time knowing we have to let her do this stuff cos soon enough she is going to be leaving school and getting on with her own life!

argh...................I want my toddlers back, I hate having teenagers!!!!

are we doing this right??

are we being too hard??

how do we tread with her??

and what curfew is normal for this age.............at the moment she has to be home before dark or at least ring us at 5.30pm to let us know exactly where she is, but she is wanting later. I have said it will get later as it gets lighter and as she does things right now so I trust her more and more so allow more and more (IYGWIM).

HELP

please

she has just woken up!!!

she and her friend ate me out of house and home last night, then bedded down and were asleep by 1am, which stunned me.

she has come in to show me her 'war wounds'. she said she was running to the queue and went flying..........she has a grazed knee, elbow, hand and hip!!! All I could do was giggle tho.......think of the undignified little heap she must have made

still, she had fun, I am calm again (till the next time), and I have learnt that whatever I think I know about my daughter, she has the ability to shock me!

glad to see that all is well in pyscho household.wasnt so bad really was it ?

"I can't understand why anybody would let their 15 year old DD 'hang out' until 5am! !

Maybe it's the cultural difference (I'm from US)? Because we live in a safe place, a gated community and honestly it's perfectly normla here.

See I can't imagine anyone that age to have a 5p.m. curfew and actually having to ask to stay out longer... that actually shocks me but again, I believe it's a cultural difference.

Glad everything is back to normal Psychomum!

You're absolutely right Lins. It's one of those times when only you know what's right or wrong for your lo's, because only you know whether your area is safe or not and know exactly what they are doing.

It's my turn tonight. I'll be collecting 4 girls and bringing them back here. I asked DD what time she wanted picking up and suggested 9.30! The 3 friends looked at each other like and DD just said, 'yeah, right!'

ah now lins, you never said you were in a gated community, and in the US.

If I were in your shoes, my choices would of course be different with my children. things are so much different here!

we live on a council estate. privately own, but none-the-less, a council estate. we had a murder at the end of our road 5yrs ago. it happened the very week DD1 turned 9, and I we had agreed more freedom...ie, go to the shops on her own.

the murder was outside the shop!!! and at 5pm.......so, we grabbed the reins tight again, and are finding it hard to losen them.

we also had a murder of a couple on the other side of the estate last summer......they were found in suitcases.......it is not a safe community. I wish we could move, but other than those two incidents, I love our home and we are close to all the other things we need......5mins one way to a huge shopping complax (walking wise....so good for the girls and me, I don;t have to drive them). 10mins walk the other way is the hosital, the leisure centre........30mins gets us to their school, and the small ones school.

plus short bus rides to town

in my head, I know she is safe, I have lived here, I got thru it, she will to.

but

and it is a big BUT

what if......

so, for that reason, right now, she has a curfew of before dark unless pre-arranged

Oh I can absolutely understand where you're coming from, you're a worried parent and it's a sick world out there we need to protect our children from...

Of course I have to add that at 5.30 here in California it isn't even dark so you have the climate differences also.

May I say your DD seems like a really great teen, you should be proud. Teenage years are always a strugle to get through. I have a toddler and three teenagers at home, and my toddler is a breeze compared to them! Terrible Two's have nothing on the Terrible Teens! lol

Awww just caught up on this thread. Glad it all went well - how long to the next one, Easter hols?

Maureen - how did your dd's evening go?

Just a note from a mum of teen boys. It is SO hard isn't it. But we just have to learn to let go. My DS1 is 18, going to Uni in September. He has been going to clubs for the past couple of years. Unfortunately the music he likes is played at clubnights which start Very Late Indeed and finish in the early hours. I am sort of used to it now. We live very near a bus stop (one of the reasons we chose the house) and there is a night bus so he turns up at 4.30 or 5 ish usually with a group of friends in tow who stay the night and then emerge after lunch the next day! I remember working in Holland for a few weeks a few years ago and being amazed when people were going out at 11 or 12 but it is totally normal there. My DS2 who is 16 has only really started staying over at friend's houses and "hanging". He doesn't do clubs yet but he doesn't like the same sort of music. DS1 loves Festivals too!!