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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Clubbing for the under 18's. is it safe, how do you let them go the first time..HELP!!

158 replies

psychomum5 · 13/02/2009 08:24

DD1 has thrown me and DH a little. There is a rave in the local night club, for the under 18's, she has shown us the link, we know it is real.

she has asked to go, but with three girls we don;t know so well, one of which we do know, and the last time she was at our house did stuff we were not happy with (ie, was DD1's 14th b/day, we allowed a sleep-over for 6 of her friends, and this one girl had invited boys over via bebo and the first we knew was me going down as I heard the door open, and there were boys in the lounge........at midnight).

hence, we have little trust for this one girl we know, and as much as we trust out own DD, this is very very hard. We want her to grow up, (she is 15 in april BTW), we want her to do stuff that we used to do, but at the same time, we (me especially thru bad experiences), know what it can be like out there, especially if you are with girls who like to push the boundries a lot little.

now, as it stands at this moment in time, we have said yes, but we drop her there, pick her up, I have given her basic safety advice, and she will have her mobile.

she is ranting tho about how unfair it all is, how we don;t trust her, how her friends claims she is being treated like a baby etc etc etc.

we are trying so hard to do things in our way, so WE feel safe knowing that she is as safe as poss, but at the same time knowing we have to let her do this stuff cos soon enough she is going to be leaving school and getting on with her own life!

argh...................I want my toddlers back, I hate having teenagers!!!!

are we doing this right??

are we being too hard??

how do we tread with her??

and what curfew is normal for this age.............at the moment she has to be home before dark or at least ring us at 5.30pm to let us know exactly where she is, but she is wanting later. I have said it will get later as it gets lighter and as she does things right now so I trust her more and more so allow more and more (IYGWIM).

HELP

please

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:10

I am overthinking things aren;t I

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:12

DH has just rung to say he has got hold of her, she is looking for her friends as they got seperated coming out the crush.

she is ok

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:13

see said she would be ok ! you can relax now,i bet they all had a fab time and will be looking forward to the next time !

Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 23:15

she's your child... think how long it will take her to say goodbye to anyone

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:20

mummylin, not sure DH will cope with me if she has a 'next time'.....

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:26

you wont be quite so worried next time ,its hard to let go ,but we all have to do it.I wonder if your dd and my gd spoke to each other as they both go to the same school ?

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:27

ah yes, of course....I remember you saying that before.

you never know

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:28

go and relax with a cuppa now ! and get ready to listen to how it all went tonight !

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:30

yup, me thinks a drink is needed!!!

I think maybe a camomile tea tho

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 16/02/2009 23:31

god, psycho, I'm holding my breath. Is she home yet?

I know how you feel. I have two teen dds and one coming up to teen. The best feeling in the world is when I go to bed knowing they're all in the house tucked up and asleep!

mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:34

any minute now she will be bursting through the door ,full of excitement and bursting to tell you all about it,she will never forget tonight.

mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:35

i used to go there when it had a different name ! this was years back [ feels like centuries ]

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:38

not home yet, but DH was collecting four of them and dropping two back to their homes, then bringing DD1 and her other friend back here to sleep over.

I am fretting still, but not so much as DH has it all in hand and he was ok once he had spoken to her

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:41

my gd was picked up at 10.30 by her friends mum as she was sleeping there .It was her first disco and she too was so excited.

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:41

ok, I now feel VERY silly, and VERY OLD!!!

she is home (starving hungry, I should have known), wearing................

no

GUESS what she is wearing.....

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:42

you have no need to fret now ,dh has her safe and sound,just relax yourself before they get back.

mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:43

i cant imagine ,my gd was going to wear a tutu i believe ,apparently its the fashion is she wearing sripey luminous socks ?

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:46

yes, the ONE thing I was certain she would not be wearing.

she is in a white vest top

electric blue tutu (with hotpants underneath thankfully)

white plimsoles with neon bright laces

glow bracelets

and a neon yellow glow-in-the-dark head band worn like a sweatband.

DH says that ALL the girls came out wearing tutus.

except for a lone pink yeti

OP posts:
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:47

oh, and the next one is the day after her 15th birthday

OP posts:
mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:49

ha ha ,if my older gd had gone she was going to wear her long pink and green striped socks !which are the luminous ones ,this group of people i think she said are called luminess or something like that .well seems like your dd is righti the fashion>

mummylin2495 · 16/02/2009 23:51

get used to the idea now then as long as she is dropped off and picked up she will be fine, and as i said tbere was a big police presence around.Go and listen to all the chat then.

psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 23:59

she and her friend have just raided the chocolate box, ice cream, and also got a tub of biscuits too. sugar high coming up it seems

one thing............her friend makes me feel tiny. I forget how tall teens are.all mine are teeny, and I am only 5ft 4 myself.......

her friend is as tall as DH (so 5ft 10). I feel teeny, DD1 looks about 4yrs younger, and only comes up to her shoulder!!!

OP posts:
mumonthenet · 17/02/2009 00:07

so glad peace has returned to the pyschofamily.

psychomum5 · 17/02/2009 00:08

yes, peace has decended, and I am calm again

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 17/02/2009 08:26

Hilarious! She was wearing a tutu! So maybe it is the thing to be seen in. i will let you know tonight, just how many were wearing them in South London!

Bet they're still snoring now!

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