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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Clubbing for the under 18's. is it safe, how do you let them go the first time..HELP!!

158 replies

psychomum5 · 13/02/2009 08:24

DD1 has thrown me and DH a little. There is a rave in the local night club, for the under 18's, she has shown us the link, we know it is real.

she has asked to go, but with three girls we don;t know so well, one of which we do know, and the last time she was at our house did stuff we were not happy with (ie, was DD1's 14th b/day, we allowed a sleep-over for 6 of her friends, and this one girl had invited boys over via bebo and the first we knew was me going down as I heard the door open, and there were boys in the lounge........at midnight).

hence, we have little trust for this one girl we know, and as much as we trust out own DD, this is very very hard. We want her to grow up, (she is 15 in april BTW), we want her to do stuff that we used to do, but at the same time, we (me especially thru bad experiences), know what it can be like out there, especially if you are with girls who like to push the boundries a lot little.

now, as it stands at this moment in time, we have said yes, but we drop her there, pick her up, I have given her basic safety advice, and she will have her mobile.

she is ranting tho about how unfair it all is, how we don;t trust her, how her friends claims she is being treated like a baby etc etc etc.

we are trying so hard to do things in our way, so WE feel safe knowing that she is as safe as poss, but at the same time knowing we have to let her do this stuff cos soon enough she is going to be leaving school and getting on with her own life!

argh...................I want my toddlers back, I hate having teenagers!!!!

are we doing this right??

are we being too hard??

how do we tread with her??

and what curfew is normal for this age.............at the moment she has to be home before dark or at least ring us at 5.30pm to let us know exactly where she is, but she is wanting later. I have said it will get later as it gets lighter and as she does things right now so I trust her more and more so allow more and more (IYGWIM).

HELP

please

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 20:29

it will be loud, def not able to hear!!!

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 20:32

I am so hoping that the music will be mega crap and she won;t want to go again........am not enjoying this senstion right now......

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 20:33

LOL @ sending a text message! She won't hear it! She's having a wail of a time! She's chatting to all the girls from school (oh btw, DD told me that most of the club was full of girls!) dancing and singing her heart out, feeling all growd up and lovely!

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 20:35

maureen, I so hope that you are right...........I am not ready for boys on TOP of clubbing.

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 20:37

DD said she had to queue for ages (parent that took them waited with them, until they were safely in and then txt me to tell me!) She said they separated them into boys and girls and they went in separate doors. The boys were in, way before the girls, because there wasn't that many of them!

Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 20:46

Oh yes, one of the reasons for Christian legging it with me (apart from the shit music) was the sore thumbness of being a boy

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 20:47

really......there are not so many boys.....

flame, may I say, you were a bad bad teen by the sounds of things!!!

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 20:49

Believe me, that is the worst it got. Oh and leaving a school play at the interval and sitting on the field chatting midwinter with a raging chest infection

I was a very dull teen.

Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 20:50

Oh I was a crap friend obv, but she was a bitch who made me leave school with zero self esteem, so am not the slightest bit guilt ridden

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 20:52

....sitting on the field with a raging chest infection...........you bloody insane woman you!!!

ok, so you just stole boyfriends then.......no clubbing under age, or drinking under age then

OP posts:
Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 20:52

oh, if she was a bitch, then all is forgiven

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 20:55

Drinking underage yes, but that was in college not school so better and our parents picked us up at midnight from the club they knew we were going to!

I did not steal boyfriend. He hated her with a firey passion. I did dump one bloke for him, and then him for the original one though . Looking back, the original one was "nice" but he was much more suited to me, should have ignored the guilt about the first one.

I am rambling about being 15 too much and boring myself, let alone you I think I had too many cups of tea today and am on a caffeine high

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 21:02

I have a destinct lack of caffiene-highness going on.

I feel the need to bounce!!!

wine is calming me down tho, so no caffiene tonight at least.

and you and boys and telling me about being 15........you do sound a calmer 15yr old than me. I was down on the quay at this age, trawling the pubs (AND being served), and generally be a bad girl!!!

and getting into probs

which is why I am hating this.......

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 21:50

1 hour and 10 mins to go.... Hang in there. It's nearly over. (For this school holiday at least)

MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 21:52

Trouble is, and I'm not suggesting that you are old, oh no! They can't get into as much trouble going to pubs these days, can they? Unless she has false ID of course, but I'm certain you're confident she wouldn't do that!

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 21:54

I am counting the minutes maureen, and trying to tell myself the same as you just posted.....that she cannot do as I did as the regs are so much tighter now.

seriously tho, I am not in a good place right now. I am chomping at the bit, trying not to get into the car and go get her back.

hate hate hate this feeling

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 22:04

What is it that you hate so much? You know she is completely safe. Posters on here couldn't be more certain of that. Have you been to the club she is at? (in your dark and distance life, that you used to have before kids!)

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 22:08

I hate the lack of control over where she is (ie, she is not safe at home with me).

I gave birth to her, I feel very protective of her, and I am not ready for her to grow up.......tis all silly in tha grand scheme of things, I have been there (not to that particular club, but to similar ones in the town I grew up in, which is 5miles from here), friends I went to school with went to THAT club in fact, flame also went IIRC from what she has said to me in the past.......we are all ok.

logically I KNOW she is safe.

but my heart.........it is telling me bad stuff, and I am listening to it more than I should

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 22:16

Totally reasonable feelings, but you must stop thinking like that. It's now only half an hour or so, until DH goes to collect them. It's the hardest thing in the world isn't it? Just remember when you let her walk to her mates on her own for the first time. I bet you watched her disappear down the road and made her phone you as soon as she got there! Remember how she wandered off to secondary school for the first time. I spend the whole day looking at the school website, just so that I could feel like I was somehow with DD! You survived then, as did she and you will both survive this! This time next year, you'll be worrying about something else and wishing she would just go back to the club she's at now! It's a tough old job, being a parent and it's a damn site harder being the parent of a teenager, imho!

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 22:24

oh I know.......it is hard, all the 'firsts' are hard!

this one seems to be the hardest yet tho.....not sure why tho. maybe it is just that it is that last bit of proof that she is getting older. I mean, clubbing......tis up there with smoking and alcohol and her getting more independant and not needing me anymore.

tis all right and proper, but it is also far too soon. I remember that little blue line still very very vividly, tis just not possible that the very same 'little blue line' is now out having fun of the kind not known by me (and lets be honest, it IS different than we were that age).

I want to turn back time to her being a tantruming toddler

OP posts:
MaureenMLove · 16/02/2009 22:30

But it's only clubbing, because the local church halls don't do discos anymore! People don't even use the word disco anymore! Well, we do, coz we is old! We used to go to a Church disco every month!

Just think, by the time you get to lo5 going out, you'll just be saying, 'ok, see you when I see you!'

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 22:33

tis true, they don;t DO discos anymore do they.....owonder why that is.

and doubly true no doubt when DC5 is doing the same. and then no doubt I will have DD1 complaining about how lax I am with him, and she might even be a mum herself and swearing that she would never allow HERS to do the things she was allowed to do!!!

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 22:34

You had a messed up childhood. Mine was stable.

Which one of us is she more likely to be?

Original poster
psychomum5 · 16/02/2009 22:35

I don;t know

don;t ask me questions like that..........am fretting

((she has a childhood like you BTW))

OP posts:
Flamesparrow · 16/02/2009 22:37

point made

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