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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

So....if everyone else is allowed to do this, that and the other...where are they all?

53 replies

fizzbuzz · 27/08/2008 15:25

Discovered ds 14 on his x box live at 2.15am . He is in the attic, so I can't always know what he is up to. But woke up the other night and heard him.

As a result of this, and with the kind help from the Geeky thread, we have managed to block access to internet in his room with times of our choosing

Ds not talking to me...as everyone else is allowed on until 4.00am apparently.

However he was talking to someone on it.............

So was wondering, what other things are friends allowed to do that your poor deprived teens re not allowed

OP posts:
frazzledbutcalm · 27/08/2008 17:09

Drink on the street
Stay up til silly hours on games
Stay off school last day of term
Waltz into school late coz they missed bus
Stay out til past 10 on school nights
Ride home in the dark with no lights on their bike
Wear no coat to school in the pouring rain and wind beaten snow
Cheek teachers and mess around in class
......... the list is endless. I'm such an unfair mum

mumeeee · 27/08/2008 17:37

The only thing we allow our 16 year old to do from that list is to choose wether or not to wear a coat whayever the weather is.

Madlentileater · 27/08/2008 17:43

When DS1 was about 14 I took him to Dr, he had very persistent cough, wheeze etc, and I said, 'don't you think, DR, that it would be a good idea for DS to wear something more than a shirt to walk to school when it's so cold and rainy?' hoping for some back up but Dr just shrugged and said 'he's 14, what can you do?'
Not very supportive, but true!

sarah293 · 27/08/2008 17:45

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random · 27/08/2008 19:42

Ive never limited computer or console time either..or insisted ds15 wears a coat for school..maybe he was talking to my ds as well hes usually on msn till the small hours in the school holidays

saffy202 · 27/08/2008 20:51

We are unfair in that ds1 (14) has a bedtime.

stitch · 27/08/2008 20:54

that list is scary.
idid find seven year old ds playing his ds till one am last night..

sarah293 · 27/08/2008 20:55

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twoluvlykids · 27/08/2008 21:00

mine have limited console/computer time.i didn't even know ps3 could be "live" when ds bought it,wondered why he kept pestering for a particular type of broadband.

dc go to bed more or less when i ask them. they don't wear coats. don't booze, don't smoke or swear or spit. bit loud, esp dd, but truly "luvlykids"

i am so lucky

bagsforlife · 27/08/2008 22:08

My teen DS's friends parents are NEVER cross with them, ever! Its only me who gets cross and crabby, THEY never are, they all sit around being pleasant, making polite conversation(probably playing attractive board games and laughing heartily) and never,ever,ever tell them off. Weird, don't you think?

fymandbean · 27/08/2008 22:11

don't forget with xbox live they can be playing and talking to anyone round the world - probably a kid in tokyo at that time....

random · 27/08/2008 22:17

I have no idea what time my ds gos to bed in the holidays I'm always in bed before him..he does not smoke ..but he has the odd can of lager and swears ..he does ok at school ..respects me ..is always home on time..we do have our moments but overall hes a great kid

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 28/08/2008 09:07

I don't really limit time on it either, but have visions of coursework being jettisoned whilst he is on that damn thing all night.

This is the only trouble I have had with him.....so far........, although Riven, your comment about trusting them was interesting, he's moaning I don't trust him

BUT, no one else's parents care about how they do in school, and everyone else gets more spending money than him, and is allowed as much time off school as they want.

Lol at doctor and coat....

OP posts:
floaty · 28/08/2008 09:36

Cann you tellme how you lmit acces in one room ,sounds wwrong to say I don't trut ds 14 but I think temptation may get too much especially as he finds getting t leep difficult ,wiould like to makeit just that aftee 10.00pm the decision is removed

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 28/08/2008 10:30

Eeerm, I can get dp to tell you when he gets home, I don't have a clue....

I will ask him tonight. I know he blocked it from the router

OP posts:
ranting · 28/08/2008 10:34

Oh yes there is always those mythical 'others' I find. Although ds and his mates seem to populate the internet at all hours!

Libra · 28/08/2008 10:40

'Everyone else' is going to see My Bloody Valentine in Glasgow - travelling for three hours by train. On their own. At the age of 14.

snorkle · 28/08/2008 18:34

Floaty, some routers allow different access permissions according to MAC address. The MAC address is unique to each machine, so rather than forbidding access from a specific room it forbids access from specific machines at set times. I can't see how access can be forbidden from a wireless device from some rooms only, but maybe forbidding specific machines after a certain time would work? If your router doesn't have that functionality an alternative is to set parental controls on the machine itself - but this only works for things like pcs rather than handhelds like DSs (as far as I know).

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 28/08/2008 18:40

"Everyone else" is offically "nobody, or very few" when declared by a teenager.

DS1 (16 was 15 at time) gave up his Saturday job washing up in a pub kitchen declaring "none of my friends have to work! NONE of them! Their PARENTS give them money to do stuff!! SO I'VE QUIT!!"

Fine I said. But I'll be giving you no money. I am not a bank. I am broke.

On his 16th birthday we had 3 of his friends stay the night as I paid for them all to go paintballing as DS's chosen birthday treat. In the car, in the five minute journey from the train station to our house it transpired that one had applied and been accepted for a summer job at McDonalds, one still works in a pub kitchen when he has worked every Sunday since he was 14 and the other had voluntary work lined up before college!!! This all came out in a conversation NOT instigated by me! DS's face, as he sat in passenger seat, was a picture - staring straight ahead as I looked gave him speaking glances as I drove!

Teenage boys worse than teenage girls in this respect as far as I can see.

Moski · 28/08/2008 18:51

According to my DS, all his friends: get their own cars to drive and/or get driven anywhere they want to go; get $100+ allowances every week; don't have to do any chores; have no curfew whatsoever; can sleep over at any friend's house without their parents conferring with the other parents; can go to any concert they want to no matter what night of the week; can have as many new pairs of shoes as they want and on and on and on . . . As a result, my DH and I are total embarrassing idiots who are ruining our teens life. He always wants to "live with someone else's parents." Who on earth would want this teenage boy added to their household!

It is true, however, that a few of the friends' parents do some of the above, which makes our lives harder . . . .

Original poster
fizzbuzz · 28/08/2008 19:32

Oh this is making m feel much better, am not so evil after all then

Ds is looking forward to 6th form apparently when he gets his car....at no point have I ever said I am buying him one, but all the sixth form have them...

Have asked dp about how to switch off wireless.

Go to router page (looks like a webpage), look at client list (computers in the house), select one you want to doctor, and use menu of router page to do this. You can specify which hours are ok on the router page. Clear as mud, but that is how it is done!

OP posts:
sarah293 · 28/08/2008 19:34

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BCNS · 28/08/2008 19:37

we only allow the coat issue. if he wants to get went and cold just because the others are wet and cold then so be it.. a no no to the other things in the list to

Moski · 28/08/2008 20:09

We have chosen not to do battle over the coat issue too. But what about the bike helmet issue? We have said our DS can't ride his bike without his helmet, which is just great for him because he then thinks he is entitled to a ride wherever he wants to go because he won't wear the helmet. This is a big issue for us because our youngest suffered a severe traumatic brain injury when he was hit by a car! Do we just give up on the helmet?

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 28/08/2008 20:13

We gave up on the coat issue.. and our teenager has cystic fibrosis but what can you do? He has left school now but when he was stil there and we forced the issue it would end up in a locker all term sometimes NEVER to be seen again!

What's trendy about being cold/wet I wonder??!