Teens with no friends

[Bacaufhd]

Anyone else’s teens driving them mad this summer? they both have no friends (both autistic) I’ve been told if they are happy then thats their choice and leave the to it but it doesn’t make life easy for me. I wish they had some mates to go out with, they are sat at home every day unless I encourage them to go out somewhere but there isn’t much for teens and im running out of ideas and they don’t want to do most things, everything is expensive, days out cost a lot, they are also clearly conscious is being seen out with their mum as if they see anyone from school they get embarrassed. I know if they don’t want friends I should respect that but they spend the whole time sat at home winding each other up. Now is when they are suppose to be independent off doing there own thing. Anyone else have a teen with no friends?

Younger child has been going to clubs in the holidays so they haven’t been stuck home or they play out with friends or go to friends houses, we have also done days out but as I said it’s adding up

Im in London they wouldn’t go to groups especially not in the area

Sounds like a nightmare for everyone involved.

No im not going out because they aren’t happy to be left home alone, every post about What age to leave kids at home without an adult is when the child feels safe and happy. So why is this different?

It’s not abusive so if a child feels unhappy and anxious at home alone they should be left anyway? That wouldn’t be said on any other thread it would be they shouldn’t be left if they are too anxious about it

it wasn’t days and I never said it was it was a few hours

Think you are being OTT weekends aren’t as bad as we go on days out, thats one day and I pay for a day out, I can’t pay for days out for 6 weeks!

You’re taking it too literally. The test is supposed to be about whether your child is of an age to manage safely at home. “Happy to be left” means comfortable that they can manage what they need to while you are out. It’s not intended to cover situations where your teenage child is perfectly able to manage but just doesn’t like you leaving.

What happens if your child is 25, still at home and still doesn’t like you leaving? Will you still stay home then?

25 is an adult. I think you are not taking the fact they have Sen into consideration. If you don’t have a child with Sen why bother comment? I asked if anyone was in the same situation not “rip my parenting apart”

lol what do you mean, we don’t go out after school anyway we are all exhausted and I get home late! They are in school all week.

Im going to stop commenting now as the latest posters clearly dont have Sen children

Why can’t they sit in their rooms? Isn’t that what most teenagers do? Just tell them to move there and the arguments will end!

Completely agree OP. It’s very obvious to see which posters have no experience of autism. It’s not a fucking superpower. It’s bloody draining and takes patience and common sense and the confidence to parent differently from everybody else... And please see that you’re not alone.

School is absolutely exhausting for autistic kids. Mine are, without fail, off with tonsillitis at the end of every term.
After school clubs are just not possible. Residential trips and studying for exams needs to be managed and paced. Despite
being sporty, many sports days have been missed in this house due to sheer fatigue. it’s incredibly disappointing. In recent years I’ve started to let them have three days off towards the end of summer term because otherwise they don’t make it to the end prize giving etc.

The first week of any holiday my kids sleep around the clock. Then they come alive. But we still keep a loosish structure.

Secondly. As an anxiety based disorder…anxiety needs to be managed as well. So if you’re fighting with your sibling or alone for long for example in your home, you’re not going to feel safe.

Thirdly, emotionally speaking, autistic children are generally 30% younger than their chronological age ACCORDING TO OUR PAEDIATRICIAN….. So the expectations you might have of a 12 year one might be more aligned with an 8yo NT child. so yes some kids will not be as confident being left alone. This has absolutely borne out for me.

Everybody else has brain drain…. Unless you keep kids ticking over they just lose social skills….shutting then in a room isn’t really a solution

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/specialeducationalneeds

I think you'll probably get more relevant responses if you post this in the Special education needs section.

That said, there's a difference between adapting your parenting to support a child with SEN and becoming overly permissive with controlling behaviour at home. Supporting your child's needs is so important, but think carefully about the boundaries you set and the behaviours you choose to accept from your son.

It's a bit late now but when they are back at school you need to be encouraging friends.

It's on you to do that with ND kids they need pushing. How old are they? - apologies if I have missed that.

It seems you are on low income so please speak to the school about HAF clubs for next time. They might be able to get access to clubs on SEN grounds.

Good luck
X

You dont think I’ve done that? Please explain how I force a secondary school child to have friends? Go on… it’s even part of his ehcp to encourage friendships and build friendships which I applied for myself not school, and nothing!! He won’t even talk to other kids, please explain how you think mummy should help him make friends at 14 ?

Thanks, this is really helpful. The other posters clearly have no clue, apparently it’s my job to force him to have friends? How exactly 🙄

Apologies for upset you not intentional.
What SEN groups are available in your area?

Have you got a supportive network of like minded parents ?

Do you have a 14 year old? He wouldn’t come to a group with his mummy, im assuming you don’t have teens since you have no clue most teens wouldnt be seen dead at a group with their mum.