Teens with no friends

[Bacaufhd]

Anyone else’s teens driving them mad this summer? they both have no friends (both autistic) I’ve been told if they are happy then thats their choice and leave the to it but it doesn’t make life easy for me. I wish they had some mates to go out with, they are sat at home every day unless I encourage them to go out somewhere but there isn’t much for teens and im running out of ideas and they don’t want to do most things, everything is expensive, days out cost a lot, they are also clearly conscious is being seen out with their mum as if they see anyone from school they get embarrassed. I know if they don’t want friends I should respect that but they spend the whole time sat at home winding each other up. Now is when they are suppose to be independent off doing there own thing. Anyone else have a teen with no friends?

This is financially prudent and many people have made that decision this summer.

The lack if third spaces in the UK makes it very challenging to entertain young people without massive costs.

Would burning energy help reduce the bickering and redirect their focus? Is there one of those outdoor gyms at a park near you? Training daily (for free) may be a passtime they pick up and enjoy. Can they not kick a ball around together? How about outdoor conservation tasks with local conservation groups, or at local stables, or parish councils?

They have each other so if they’re happy enough with that then it’s ok

Thank you, yeah we do stuff and have done it during the holidays but it’s adding up to being very expensive which is why I wish they had mates to hang around with rather than having to constantly find days out which is more expensive when they are teens no longer interested in the park or going for a walk

Yeah weve already done a few things like that

My son won’t go out in the local area incase he sees kids from the school so that rules a lot of places out, I don’t mind travelling occasionally but dont personally want to in 33 degrees heat like
today

I understand the not wanting to bump into kids from school when they are with their mum - mine wouldn’t like that either and I remember being that age

However, they have each other. Can they not go out together, without you? Being with your sibling is much less uncool than being with your mum.

Also, the squabbling- I recommend headphones, for you. And/or putting on music generally seems to reduce the squabbling for my two - it’s like the extra stimulation means they don’t have to make their own by winding each other up. As much.

They don’t get on and dont like each other but I will keep suggesting it to them to give me some space

Bless you, op. You sound drained and I dont blame you! It's so wearing hearing constant bickering and even more so when there's nothing you can do to resolve it. Can you think of any interests they may have that you could encourage? Eg film genre, books, hobbies that they could do some craft or something related to? I got a very disinterested 12 year old into weird clay art with the nightmare before Christmas! Kept them amused for hours at after school club and became a huge hobby at home. Parents were shocked when she asked for supplies! Sorry that's a very niche example but it sounds like it might be "outside the box" thinking time!

Ah ok. Unlikely then

But agree with pp, you have to be able to leave the house yourself, you can’t be trapped by their refusal to go out. If they don’t talk to you as a result, so be it.

So what? Id have stopped giving robux to a teenager refusing to speak to me. It sounds like you pander too much ti them 'not liking' things

You dont like them bickering but they arent stopping for your sake are they? It all sounds very one sided like you are pandering to them and appeasing them but they are selfishly making zero effort to stop something you dont like

Your needs matter too OP and they need to learn that. No they wont like it but as they get older they are going ro need to deal with situations they don't like.

Do they have scooters or a skateboard? The tweens here like to go out on their scooters, or go to the local skatepark for a couple of hours to practice. It’s free as it’s in a park.

They are so set in their ways the don't want anything to change.

Is there a dad in the picture?? Sounds like there isn't?

In Japan, people like that are referred to as hikikomori, it's a social phenomenon describing young people isolating themselves from the world.

Do they have special interest or favourite hobbies?

• Autism-friendly cinema screenings
• Museum early-bird quiet hours
• VR headset

Is there no family who could keep them company while you are out? What about keeping up with school? Do they have very late bed times in the holidays (can cause depression)

I'd refuse to be kept prisoner in my own home and work on desensitising them to you leaving them.

is one of the brothers bullying or abusing the other when you are out? Would ring cameras help these boys feel more secure when you are out?

My kids wouldn’t go out with each other and also wouldn’t go on a scooter or a skateboard. They will both willingly go somewhere with me, if I’m spending money, like cinema, buying lunch etc.
OP I’d just leave them to it. Maybe they like the bickering? I think mine do? I just step in if my daughter gets screetchy and my son gets shouty.

As mentioned they won’t go local as scared of seeing kids from there school, anything further that requires a bus they would want me to take them

That sounds very similar to them

Honestly, I’d just leave them to it. At least you know where they are, and that they are safe and happy to be at home. They will find their people at some point (that’s what I keep telling myself anyway)

Not sure if any of these will worn for you but these are my list of free / cheap days out / entertainment
Days out with packed lunch:
River or Sea swim
Bike ride
Hiking
Send them to the skate park or drive them to a skatepark
Fruit picking

Entertainment ideas: Pay for a movie online and make a big load of popcorn
Water pistols in the garden
Get them to cook on the bbq
Baking/ cooking the evening meal

Thanks for all the comments. we went for a walk down by the river but again seen 3 kids from their school in one day 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ i told them this is the downside of going to a school right next to your house. I thought about taking them away but looked at butlins and it was coming up to like £800 for 3 nights 😩 including food and entertainment though, thats insane does anyone have any cheaper suggestions for a few nights away? (I do have a younger child so thought of butlins)

I’ve got mine into a decent routine, I do think it’s important not least because otherwise the days slip by too easily and with Autistic kids there are always areas to work on, let’s be honest.

one is very outgoing but only wants to see his friends weekly so he tends to disappear off for the day, my other one is completely depressed and we’re trying to pull him out of that. He has no friends although he did…. He’s kind of driven them away really.

Elder one is working part time a shop, younger one has several special interests which keep him fired up so he’s easy enough mainly.

each day they
swim or run first thing
take dog out
do household jobs, eg today they cleared out the garage, yesterday all out wooden furniture was oiled.
they’re taking turns to cook mainly to
combat eating issues
doing clubs like chess which keep going through summer

tomorrow we are indulging in special interests (ie standing in currys for two hours admiring the tech 😩😩😩)

and then going down the beach looking at stones and rocks to satisfy my other son’s interests.

I found when they were both toddlers. That dividing the day into 45 min segments then and alternating my needs with theirs worked really well and I suppose I’ve never stopped doing it: they’ve been really helpful the last couple of days so tomorrow we party. At currys 🎉🎉🎉

Camping? You can get cheap tents and often people selling them cheap on Facebook. But you would probably need a car, unless youre not too far from somewhere suitable and you could get an uber there. Camping is fun and it's dry at the moment. What area roughly are you?

Where abouts are you? There are some very good groups- ND in my area