Should a 16-year-old choose friends over family for her birthday dinner?

[ADHDMumstruggles]

DD is about to turn 16. She wants to go out for dinner with a group of friends on her birthday.

I don’t have a problem with this. We will spend the day together - have a nice lunch and open presents.

DH hit the roof. He wants his Mum to come and stay and go for dinner with family. Wants her to rearrange her friends to another night.

i feel like she’s 16 - she s not having a party because a lot of her friends are on holiday and she’s had a really tough year. I feel like he’s making it about him and he’s embarrassed in front of his mum.

am I wrong here? She’s currently crying in her room and the heat isn’t helping!!!

(used AI title as summed it up pretty well!!)

It’s fine, mine might spend hers with her mates as we go away the next day.

Can’t his mum come out with you all for lunch? Then she can go out with her friends? Or do dinner out the night after?

Thanks. I’m not going mad then!

I'm so tired - really didn’t want to have to pull on my UN diplomacy hat today

Her birthday, her choice. Can she not do something with Nan the following day at lunch or similar?

I suggested we have lunch together and do something the next day. We are away the week before and she asked if we could have a nice birthday dinner then. But his family have a weird thing about celebrating birthdays before the day

I’m with you, OP.

It doesn’t really matter what we think- your Dh isn’t going to respond well to being shown a thread full of strangers agreeing with you.

I don’t really see that this is his decision at all - maybe that’s what he’s reacting to?

Could you have the grandparents over for tea, a glass of bubbly and to see her all dressed up before she goes out?

DDs plan sounds excellent. Family can have a celebration on a different day.

Let her be with her friends. I would have been pissed and not great company at 16 if I was forced to have the family meal instead. Just because Dh's family have the day before birthday rule doesn't mean you have to abide by it. The whole point is you come together and decide what things you want as a family, not what he unilaterally decides.

No way would I show him the thread! I guess I just wanted to check I wasn’t going mad to think this was reasonable.

his trump card ‘how are you going to pay for dinner?’ Which I really hate.

I’m not even sure his mum would care either tbh - she just wants to see dd on her birthday and will be here a few days

God he sounds awful and I have a 16 year old who likes to go to nandos for birthday dinners with friends. He doesn’t own her, he’s going to struggle isn’t he when she’s officially an adult. Is he always so insufferable?

Maybe I should have put this on relationships 🤣

he works away a lot so and he thinks I’m a pushover so when he’s home he can get a bit dictatorial

@ADHDMumstruggles Def. let HER decide. It's her birthday and she's a teen; friends are more important than family at that age.

At that age friends come first.

How would he hit the roof over something so mundane. I can imagine disappointed maybe but why’s he lost his cool?

Thats so weird. Wtf does he think he will achieve?!

I’m not sure the heat has helped…

I’ll raise again tomorrow and talk to dd

I grew up with a father like this. It wrecked our relationship for years but he wouldn't/couldn't see it 🙁

My ILs always wanted to see the "birthday person" on that particular day, even me. So controlling. DCs did whatever they wanted in the end with our support.

That seems a bit of an odd reaction from your dh. Is there more context?

We’ll see her all day - well afternoon as I’m sure she won’t wake early

weve had an awful year - not helped by her - but she’s made improvements. Still pretty awful to live with but she’s finally maturing and I guess I see this as a reflection of that

It should be what DD wants NOT DH, or his mum. He’s being mean and ridiculous

I’ve had 2 16 year old daughters. They have celebrated with friends and with us on whatever dates suit them because it is their birthday. Is your husband always so selfish that his feelings overrule his own daughters on her birthday or is this just him being once off irrational.

I'm surprised your DH is making a big deal of this. DD should do what she wants on her birthday, which looks like a meal with friends. Meal with grandma and other family can happen on another day. No drama needed.

Are you absolutely certain she is the problem?