Helping teen DD shut down creeps

[ArtyBartFast]

DD 16 was in a cafe the other day with a friend when a middle aged man approached them, gave them a free drink he said he didn't have time to drink (!?). They accepted but when DDs friend went to the toilet, he reappeared and started talking to DD, asking questions like "are you a uni student".

She felt obliged to chat because she wasn't sure if he was being creepy or not. She tried to shut him down by saying she was younger than uni. He started going on about how lovely her friend was.

I've said she's not obliged to chat to anyone and any middle aged man chatting to young unknown girls in a cafe is inappropriate, and he knew it.

Any advice on what to say? Teens are pretty people pleasey, which I expect he was exploiting. Is there a good phrase I can teach her to shut this nonsense down?

I thought about grey rock but that's effort. One thing to remember would be great.

I'm so annoyed. They are nice kids giving a stranger the benefit of the doubt.

I taught my dds never to laugh or giggle when approached by men. Men see that as a green light. Just to be cold, blunt ‘no thank you’ and get away asap.

And stop teaching girls to be polite at all costs - just teach them that their own safety matters first. It’s worth teaching them about the nature of men so that they are not lulled into the idea that attention and flattery from males is deep and meaningful. Even if it looks like that. True intentions should be tested over time and in multiple situations.

I know your dd is a bit young yet but my eldest dd, who was a particular man magnet, would get the bouncers or management involved if men were persistent in bars/clubs. They were only too happy to oblige.

Parents of sons should be also teaching them about the power imbalance and how they can avoid being dicks.

These men are usually sad predatory losers and will quickly walk away from cold unsmiling women

I would tell her to say “I’m not interested in speaking to you and do not want this drink. Please leave me alone.”

I’m in my mid/late 20s now and have experienced similar frequently since I was around 15. It is definitely daunting and scary to push back with people like this, but over time I’ve learnt it’s the best way. Or I literally just say “why?”

E.g. a man recently wouldn’t leave me alone (actually he ended up buying me a coffee similar to what happened to your daughter) and kept asking me questions such as my name, what I’m doing, if I have a boyfriend etc. I just said “why do you need to know? I don’t want to speak to you” until he got the message.

Thanks all. It's depressing how common this is. I've remembered I got creeped on about a week after having DD, just staggering through the park and some guy started chatting, at first I was sleep deprived polite but he started asking personal things like did I have a partner so I made some excuse and left. Really horrible. And I got groped as a 14 yo in broad daylight in a city centre after some middle aged guy chatted to me as I waited for my friends, I felt uncomfortable and got up to leave and he grabbed me between my legs, I just ran off. Awful.

Yes I’ve been groped as a teenager too, it started off as polite chit chat, shocked me to the core. Some Men are truly vile aren’t they?! Think they just target vulnerable looking females to do what they want. I do worry about my teenage girls going out and about. The eldest has had men slow down in their car to stare at her and only moved off because another car was coming. Thinking of buying her deep heat to spray at them if they do anything untoward.