16 year old son stole a sandwhich from Tesco

Mollydoggerson · 2025-12-22T23:30:30+00:00

Received a call from Tesco to say my 16 year old consumed a sandwhich in the shop and was stopped while walking out. He said he had no money to pay for it (true, but he has plenty of cash in general, just not on him). They asked him for my number, and left a message on my phone. I drove there, paid for it and apologised. He had left by then. They told me he is barred. I ve offered two options to him, apologise to the staff or go to confession (we are culturally catholic) apologise or atone! 😅 He is not willing to do either. I Don't want this to ruin Christmas, his attitude is f*ck Tesco, they have plenty of money. I ve told him Tesco don't owe him anything!!! He has apologised to me and told me he would repay me(after coaxing, both were my suggestion) is that enough? How would you respond?

Millindugu · 22/12/2025 23:32

Did he say why he did it? Did he intend to pay but realised too late he has no money or did he go in with the intention of eating for free

Original poster

Mollydoggerson · 22/12/2025 23:33

I think it was a spur of the moment decision, in the knowledge he would not pay.

OP posts:

MumOryLane · 23/12/2025 00:32

No I don't think paying the cost of something so cheap is an appropriate level of consequence. I'd be taking a present he was expecting off him I think.

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:35

No it’s not enough. He stole brazenly and isn’t at all bothered. I agree with him about Tesco don’t need the money but that’s not the point. You’ve given him two options and he’s refused both. So what now you just back down? Absolutely not. If anything I’d go harder due to the lack of remorse

Redwinedaze · 23/12/2025 00:37

Sounds like the action rather than the value, why the attitude, what’s he like in general?

captainoctopus · 23/12/2025 00:47

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:35

No it’s not enough. He stole brazenly and isn’t at all bothered. I agree with him about Tesco don’t need the money but that’s not the point. You’ve given him two options and he’s refused both. So what now you just back down? Absolutely not. If anything I’d go harder due to the lack of remorse

Tesco aren't going to choose to forfeit their profits if people steal from their shops, they will simply put up prices and you and other customers will pay. So he is actually stealing from you.

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:49

captainoctopus · 23/12/2025 00:47

Tesco aren't going to choose to forfeit their profits if people steal from their shops, they will simply put up prices and you and other customers will pay. So he is actually stealing from you.

Show quote history

Right? I never said it was all fine

TheCooperettesShingaLing · 23/12/2025 00:52

Shop theft can put staff in a very difficult position.
His sense of entitlement is something else.

caringcarer · 23/12/2025 00:53

Your son shows no remorse and stealing is a slippery slope. At 16 he should know better. As he is refusing the 2 options you have suggested which makes him face up to his actions I'd be holding back a nice Xmas gift he was expecting. Put it back for his birthday. I'd not keep on about it though or it will ruin Xmas for you all.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 23/12/2025 00:55

You've not ruined Christmas, he has. He's lucky that Tesco didn't call the police.

My gut feeling is that this isn't his first time stealing, it's just his first time getting caught.

localbutterfly · 23/12/2025 00:59

He should pay you back for the actual cost of the sandwich, but is that "enough"? I'm guessing that the time and energy that you spent dealing with this was considerably more than the amount you paid Tesco to settle his debt. If this were a case of someone genuinely mentally challenged who'd simply forgotten to pay and proactively apologised when he realised, I'd leave it there. But in this case, I'd want to make sure that he understood why what he did was wrong, how it impacted others, and that there was a genuine promise not to do similar again. But I'm not sure how you get it across to him if he genuinely doesn't understand that this is an ethical issue, not just a financial one. It seems like there's a bigger problem here than just the single purloined sandwich.

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 01:01

localbutterfly · 23/12/2025 00:59

He should pay you back for the actual cost of the sandwich, but is that "enough"? I'm guessing that the time and energy that you spent dealing with this was considerably more than the amount you paid Tesco to settle his debt. If this were a case of someone genuinely mentally challenged who'd simply forgotten to pay and proactively apologised when he realised, I'd leave it there. But in this case, I'd want to make sure that he understood why what he did was wrong, how it impacted others, and that there was a genuine promise not to do similar again. But I'm not sure how you get it across to him if he genuinely doesn't understand that this is an ethical issue, not just a financial one. It seems like there's a bigger problem here than just the single purloined sandwich.

Edited

Yep agree with all that! Sounds almost like it was a ‘protest’ and mum’s consequences mean nothing to him

Fibonacci2 · 23/12/2025 01:21

Honestly, the sandwich is the least of your problems. I can’t ever imagine that this would even cross the mind of my children (not perfect) to do this, let alone be so brazen and unapologetic.

I just can’t imagine this would happen out of the blue. His lack of respect for authority, the law and consequences will surely have been apparent before this?

NumbersGuy · 23/12/2025 05:22

When did entitlement destroy humility? If he doesn't understand the difference, then it's possibly too late to change his trajectory. Also "coaxing" him to do the right thing shows that his values aren't going to help him but be a detriment for the rest of hi life. Best of luck undoing the damage.

springintoaction2 · 23/12/2025 05:29

jamcorrosion · 23/12/2025 00:35

No it’s not enough. He stole brazenly and isn’t at all bothered. I agree with him about Tesco don’t need the money but that’s not the point. You’ve given him two options and he’s refused both. So what now you just back down? Absolutely not. If anything I’d go harder due to the lack of remorse

Exactly. Little shit is what I thought. I wouldn't have a clue how to make him care about it though. So sorry OP not helpful.

HaveYouFedTheFish · 23/12/2025 05:39

Mollydoggerson · 22/12/2025 23:33

I think it was a spur of the moment decision, in the knowledge he would not pay.

Rather than trying to make a huge supermarket chain the victim, I'd be pointing out that if he does it again the police are likely to be called and he could well end up with an official caution on his criminal record, which can make getting a job and travelling to certain countries difficult.

Teenagers do act impulsively and do stupid things and not know really why they did them - it's the main reason being the parent of teenagers is terrifying as even a teenager you thinknis sensible/ "good" might very well act out of character - but I'd worry about driving too fast or drinking too much or choosing to do something physically risky rather than shoplifting - nevertheless it's not actually unusual for a teenager to shoplift impulsively: the issue is not feeling mortified afterwards.

Do you think he's brazening it out and being defensive because he actually is shaken up by the experience (the audacity of doing it and the shock of being caught) or do you think he genuinely thinks it's a non issue?

That's the crux of this and how to react I think.

Holluschickie · 23/12/2025 05:43

I would be furious. Take something off him: a gift, a trip, whatever he cares about. Tell him about criminal record and its consequences.
On a previous thread some posters said all kids steal. Well, not in my house.

RedRiverShore6 · 23/12/2025 06:07

I would return his Christmas gifts to the shop

SleepQuest33 · 23/12/2025 06:14

I’m not sure why you’re using a laughing emoji? This is no joke.

Forget the confession, that’s pointless. He clearly doesn’t care about petty theft. I would be fuming and thinking of serious consequences for him. If he loves gaming for example, I would hide console for 1 month.

Empress13 · 23/12/2025 06:14

Was he with friends or alone? It’s stealing plain and simple and he could be on a slippery slope if he doesn’t realise the consequences of his actions. I would be livid if it were my child. He would be grounded.

Holluschickie · 23/12/2025 06:19

Actually I would have no issue with ruining Xmas for him. There are other Xmases. Only one opportunity to tell him off.

GKG1 · 23/12/2025 06:25

This would be appalling to me - the stealing but more the attitude that has followed. Maybe he doesn’t realise that stealing from a big company is never a victimless crime, as pp says, everything just costs more for the rest of us - so he can be educated on that. But the idea he’s so blase about you getting a call like that, and needing to be coaxed in to apologising and paying, at age 16 - sorry but no fucking way!!!

Agree with pp that he has ruined Christmas not you. But don’t let him. Remove some nice thing from him or ground him or the like - whatever consequence you feel befits in your lives - and you get on with having a nice time.

Pollyanna87 · 23/12/2025 07:03

Apology to the staff as well as prayer/confession is appropriate, I think. He shouldn’t apologise to the Lord if he’s not actually sorry, but at least he can admit what he did.

Pricelessadvice · 23/12/2025 07:06

Has he always been this entitled??
Where are his morals?

I’m afraid I’d be removing some (most!) of his Christmas gifts and telling him why. Explain you haven’t brought him up to be a thief and that you are horrified by his behaviour and arrogance.

Scummy behaviour.

Zippedydodah · 23/12/2025 07:11

The fact that he’s completely unrepentant and brazen would concern me; I suspect he’s done it before and got away with it.
Clearly you think it amusing and nothing serious so just wait until he’s arrested and charged with more serious theft in the future.