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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

16 year old son stole a sandwhich from Tesco

146 replies

Mollydoggerson · 22/12/2025 23:30

Received a call from Tesco to say my 16 year old consumed a sandwhich in the shop and was stopped while walking out. He said he had no money to pay for it (true, but he has plenty of cash in general, just not on him). They asked him for my number, and left a message on my phone.

I drove there, paid for it and apologised. He had left by then. They told me he is barred.

I ve offered two options to him, apologise to the staff or go to confession (we are culturally catholic) apologise or atone! 😅

He is not willing to do either. I Don't want this to ruin Christmas, his attitude is f*ck Tesco, they have plenty of money. I ve told him Tesco don't owe him anything!!!

He has apologised to me and told me he would repay me(after coaxing, both were my suggestion) is that enough?
How would you respond?

OP posts:

WhatTheFuk · 23/12/2025 07:15

Holluschickie · 23/12/2025 06:19

Actually I would have no issue with ruining Xmas for him. There are other Xmases. Only one opportunity to tell him off.

I suspect there are going to be many more opportunities in the future…

BCBird · 23/12/2025 07:16

The fact that you put a smiley face after suggesting confession suggests you don't think this is serious. This is worrying.

Snorlaxo · 23/12/2025 07:17

Confession is only appropriate if he feels bad about what he did and he clearly doesn’t. I’m not sure what an apology does either - he is lucky that the police weren’t called. Is there food collection bin in that store? I’d get him to pay you for the sandwich and spend some money for the food bank.

I suspect that he’s done this before so thinks that this isn’t a big deal. Tesco has lots of money but if they were going to give out free food, it would be to someone who has genuine need, not someone who is too lazy to set up ApplePay on his phone or rush home if he was that hungry.

If my kids had no money then they would have called me and asked for a transfer of enough money to buy a meal deal or raced home and gone out again. I get that teens do impulsive things but I’d be very concerned at his sense of entitlement and lack of remorse.

BaubleMeTree · 23/12/2025 07:18

Does he understand how businesses work? Shareholders? Every day people with shares in companies who expect dividends? Does he think Tesco just hoards money in a bank Scrooge McDuck style with his piles of gold? Tesco workers can also buy shares through the employer work scheme, every day shelf stackers and till workers.

Tesco shareholders won't take less money, they put prices up to cover the expected loss of stock from spoiling to stealing. He really is naive. You need to talk to him about how it all works. Ask him first to see where his knowledge is.

Does he understand that Tesco could have prosecuted him for the theft? I wouldn't want a thief in my house so if he was my child's friend he wouldn't be welcome in my house.

BePoisedPlumUser · 23/12/2025 07:19

I would be mortified if one of my kids stole something. And he’s not even sorry or ashamed which is the worst bit.

Holluschickie · 23/12/2025 07:23

Make him watch the Stacey Dooley documentary on shop lifting. It shows how shop staff sometimes have their wages docked for shoplifting incidents. Hardly a victimless crime.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 23/12/2025 07:28

HaveYouFedTheFish · 23/12/2025 05:39

Rather than trying to make a huge supermarket chain the victim, I'd be pointing out that if he does it again the police are likely to be called and he could well end up with an official caution on his criminal record, which can make getting a job and travelling to certain countries difficult.

Teenagers do act impulsively and do stupid things and not know really why they did them - it's the main reason being the parent of teenagers is terrifying as even a teenager you thinknis sensible/ "good" might very well act out of character - but I'd worry about driving too fast or drinking too much or choosing to do something physically risky rather than shoplifting - nevertheless it's not actually unusual for a teenager to shoplift impulsively: the issue is not feeling mortified afterwards.

Do you think he's brazening it out and being defensive because he actually is shaken up by the experience (the audacity of doing it and the shock of being caught) or do you think he genuinely thinks it's a non issue?

That's the crux of this and how to react I think.

Show quote history

This 🙏 Great post. I kind of agree with him on supermarkets but petty theft is not the way forward.

Original poster

Mollydoggerson · 23/12/2025 09:05

He was with a group of friends at the time.

I think he is brazening it out and shocked at being caught. He freezes in response to stressful situations. Generally he is a very good kid, he was robbed from about three months ago and I wonder if it might have lowered the bar.

I will speak to him today and try to better understand why he did it. He went to the gym last night, he normally does, but took longer, I think it was buying time and avoidance.

The smiley face was after the confession suggestion, we are Catholic but I don't force religion on them. So confession would be an unusual suggestion in our house. I just wanted him to be accountable in some way.

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate the perspectives.

OP posts:

Flurt · 23/12/2025 09:24

I wouldn’t be cancelling Christmas. Between him being robbed, the endless footage of unfinished shoplifting, the vast supermarket profits and a teens bravado I would presume he made a daft call. Talking it through and looking at the personal consequences is by far the best way to move forward.

My son took a few thousands worth of goods from Tesco. I only found out at the end. He paid a fine and was banned from the store and couldn’t have cared less as he had finished college and couldn’t have cared less about supermarket profits or prices. He wouldn’t have stolen from a small shop which he thought despicable.
He is rather of the opinion that the bigger companies theft happens in the context of their tax dodges and greed for excessive profits. I think there is a interesting point about how our current model of society with its increased wealth disparity in all areas creates a less attractive social contract for our youth.

What it wasn’t for him was a slippery slope or a gateway crime. He lives a great life, treats people well and wouldn’t steal again because now he is older consequences would be greater plus he has money.

verycloakanddaggers · 23/12/2025 09:28

Mollydoggerson · 23/12/2025 09:05

He was with a group of friends at the time.

I will speak to him today and try to better understand why he did it. He went to the gym last night, he normally does, but took longer, I think it was buying time and avoidance.

Thanks for the comments, I appreciate the perspectives.

Edited

I think punishment and/or confession will make you feel better (you can pretend you've taken action) but won't help him.

My concern would be he is not afraid of a criminal record.

I would also want to understand how he was feeling since being robbed.

Brazen behaviour often disguises fear and worry.

He needs your support and a listening ear.

Tesco were good to allow him an out. He might not be so lucky next time.

MyThreeWords · 23/12/2025 09:36

I think he is brazening it out and shocked at being caught.

Yes, that was my thought too. I hope there will be a quiet time over Christmas when you are able to have a conversation in which he does feel and show remorse.

It is a bad thing to have done. But I'm guessing that many of our teen children have done something similar without us ever finding out.

I got caught travelling on a train without a ticket at around that age. I can remember thinking that the station guard who caught me was a really unpleasant person and that my theft was somehow cool and just.

Stupid teen arrogance.

I would have been MORTIFIED if my parents had been informed, and I'm sure that out of shame and embarrassment (and stupid teen arrogance) I would have failed to show any remorse. I would just have been angry with them for knowing what I had done, and I would have blustered.

1apenny2apenny · 23/12/2025 09:40

Does he understand the consequences if he does this, gets caught and prosecuted? I would be explaining this to him and I would be telling him he needs to do some home community service or extra chores at home. But I would then ensure a line is drawn under it and it’s not repeatedly mentioned.

SunnyViper · 23/12/2025 09:47

So he has committed a criminal offence and shows no remorse? Id be asking Tesco to involve the police is he ever does it again. He is unlikely to stick to a ban either by the sounds of things. What an entitled upstart.

Renisenb · 23/12/2025 09:49

I would withhold his next months allowance or a large present - he also doesn’t NEED the money (as I assume you buy the essentials etc)

Tesco don’t NEED THE MONEY NOR DOES HE.

eqpi4t2hbsnktd · 23/12/2025 09:49

Oh dear the grinch stole all your Christmas presents, Christmas lunch and pocket money for the year. Don't worry - you have plenty.

Whatwouldnanado · 23/12/2025 09:51

Why does he feel he is different? Or that his actions don’t matter? If we all shoplifted shops couldn’t afford to employ people who need to support themselves and their families, or be able to sell cheap food. He was lucky not to end up with a criminal record which would scupper his employment future and reflect really badly on his family. He would get a massive bollocking in these terms inthis house, be stood over while he wrote a letter of apology to the manager of the shop and delivered it. If he hasn’t got a part time job get him sorted with finding one.
Then it wouldn’t be mentioned again.

Clarehandaust · 23/12/2025 09:51

My tact on this was always to explain how ridiculous a charge or a caution for shoplifting would look on a DBS which is required for so many roles now but it actually just looks silly
And explain that you consider him better than that
If that is taken on board or not is very much up to him

AngelsWithSilverWings · 23/12/2025 09:52

Any time one of my kids has done something stupid it has been a sign that they are struggling with something ( bullying, anxiety, problems at school)

The lack of apology is typical teenage stubbornness. They can be so frustrating.

You mentioned your son was a victim of theft. Did he see justice done or has he learnt that people just get away with this sort of thing with no consequence. Is he struggling with the unfairness of that and acting out? This could be an opportunity to check in with him and make sure he's ok.

I agree with a previous poster. He needs some support but he also needs to face some kind of consequence even if it's just paying for the sandwich and apologising for the worry he has caused you. Being barred from the shop will act as a good reminder not to do anything like that again. Can you give him a daily chore to do everyday for a week to make him think about his actions?

I've been through loads of these nightmares with my kids - now 20 and sensible and 17 and still a worry! It always seems a massive deal when in the thick of it but it will all blow over and he will hopefully never do it again.

Mischance · 23/12/2025 09:53

What was he doing in Tesco if he had no money to do any shopping?

Fixydodah · 23/12/2025 09:55

As he has shown zero repentance I would not be giving him anything on Christmas Day. Perhaps wrap up an empty Tesco sandwich wrapper. The entitled attitude is odd. It will because he does it all the time, it’s just the first time being caught out. If it were the first time he had stolen and being revealed as a thief, he would probably be embarrassed about it. Maybe check your belongings too. With his attitude anything may be open game.

Screamingabdabz · 23/12/2025 09:56

God I’d be mortified if my son acted like this. I’d tell him, in a really sad and serious voice that I forgave him but that I was deeply disappointed and that I thought I’d raised him with better morals and values. Then say no more - just let him see you embody those words in your facial expression. Then just let him stew.

BitOutOfPractice · 23/12/2025 09:59

I agree with PPs that it’s the attitude after the event that would worry me. Does he not care at the embarrassment you had to go through?

Anonanonanonagain · 23/12/2025 10:07

I would have mine killed honestly mine always know that the police ever come to our door it would be the least of their worries. I would also be mortified any of my kids were entitled enough to believe they could do this AND not face consequences. Honestly it does not matter a jot how much turnover Tesco make what matters is that your child did something illegal and needs to know it is not acceptable. Im glad he is barred from the shop to be honest, hopefully he will be shame faced in the future telling ppl why he cannot go there. Stealing a sandwich is ridiculous but doing it inside the shop knowing he had no means to pay is totally unacceptable. I dont know what punishment is best but this needs nipping in the bud not joking about.

IsThisTheWaytoSlamMyPillow · 23/12/2025 10:08

@Mollydoggerson

We’re constantly being told shoplifting is at an all time high and staff can’t do anything etc, so he’s been fed the narrative by the media that “it’s ok…”

Clearly it’s definitely NOT ok, but is something unfortunately many kids his age do and then grow out of it. I’m not condoning it at all, it’s just a lot - including your son - won’t see it as wrong at this age. It’s seen as a laugh, a bit of a buzz, can they get away with it etc and they don’t think about the consequences.

They feel more shame than you’d realise and are embarrassed as teens when caught out, they’re just really good at hiding it and being cocky and brazen to your face.

Talk to him - let him know how disappointing it is, how it affects everyone and then leave it. I think trying to force an apology or confession will just mean he digs in deeper so he doesn’t lose face (in his 16 year ole eyes). Don’t let it overshadow the festivities.

Talk about it and then move on. I know it’s not right, you know and I can promise you, he knows now too.

Topseyt123 · 23/12/2025 10:12

I'm another who wouldn't be bothered about ruining his Christmas. He's actually ruined it himself

Take back most of the (probably expensive?) gifts you have for him and make sure he knows why.

I'd also want him to make a proper apology to the Tesco staff who had to deal with him and if he refused then I'd suggest to them that they did actually call the police and report the incident, or I might do it myself too. It might be the only way through his skull here.

I've seen supermarket staff in our local store having to tackle teenagers who were misbehaving. Usually trying things such as your son did. It isn't pleasant to witness and looked very stressful for the staff involved.

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