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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old son stole a sandwhich from Tesco

146 replies

Mollydoggerson · 22/12/2025 23:30

Received a call from Tesco to say my 16 year old consumed a sandwhich in the shop and was stopped while walking out. He said he had no money to pay for it (true, but he has plenty of cash in general, just not on him). They asked him for my number, and left a message on my phone.

I drove there, paid for it and apologised. He had left by then. They told me he is barred.

I ve offered two options to him, apologise to the staff or go to confession (we are culturally catholic) apologise or atone! 😅

He is not willing to do either. I Don't want this to ruin Christmas, his attitude is f*ck Tesco, they have plenty of money. I ve told him Tesco don't owe him anything!!!

He has apologised to me and told me he would repay me(after coaxing, both were my suggestion) is that enough?
How would you respond?

OP posts:
cheeseandbranston · 23/12/2025 18:45

I don’t know if this is useful, but my son is v stubborn too….
For me, I don’t really care about a sandwich from Tesco or whether that could impact on profit/prices etc, it would be more about who my son is and how he behaves. So I’d be having a conversation along the lines of

I know you don’t care about Tesco. It’s more about if you think being a thief is someone you want to be. And being someone whose mum gets inconvenienced and embarrassed by a call like that. I don’t feel these are the values you were raised with. I’m not asking you to do anything right now, but I will say, you made the wrong choice there, and I’m asking you never to make it again.

I know my son, and that would be more likely to make sure he didn’t do something like that again rather than any kind of punishment

Moel · 23/12/2025 18:54

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 18:17

Stealing's not just stealing though is it. There is a massive difference between taking something desperately needed from a person and a massive multi billion dollar corporation that scales and controls how much we are able to eat and drink.

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It’s all stealing. You are not Robin Hood.

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 19:03

Moel · 23/12/2025 18:54

It’s all stealing. You are not Robin Hood.

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It is stealing, but it is not morally wrong, to steal a piece of food you need from a corporation thats prices cause people to go hungry.

Laura95167 · 23/12/2025 19:08

Tbh hes lucky they didnt prosecute, because a caution on his record wouldnt do him any favours.

Id be cutting privileges until he learns he cant steal

EarthlyNightshade · 23/12/2025 19:13

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 18:00

It's just a sandwich. He must have really needed it. I've picked up a bottle of water and walked out the shop when I've had no money and was about to faint from dehydration, I just really did need it that much

OP has said that his brother was in the shopping centre and had money. I don't think he really needed the sandwich.
It's not the crime of the century but I wouldn't be trying to justify his actions.

If you were really suffering dehydration, you should have asked them for a drink, not stolen a bottle of water.

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 19:20

EarthlyNightshade · 23/12/2025 19:13

OP has said that his brother was in the shopping centre and had money. I don't think he really needed the sandwich.
It's not the crime of the century but I wouldn't be trying to justify his actions.

If you were really suffering dehydration, you should have asked them for a drink, not stolen a bottle of water.

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I suppose I could have, but I did not think of it. I just saw the water and I needed it, it was primal.

The info about his brother being nearby with money does change it however. I am wondering if OPs son has some sort of resentment towards food corporations and was making some sort of point ? Particularly as he is not regretful and refusing to apologize. I think OP you should try and talk to him about why he did it rather than just being angry (of course you will be embarrassed by the whole thing and perhaps he just doesn't want to argue further than necessary). It's quite odd tbh

Mcoco · 23/12/2025 19:30

I think he should go to confession or have a chat with your parish priest reminding him not to break an important commandment. He may not think of it as stealing as Tesco is such a large organisation and they may not miss a sandwich! Of course it is but I wonder if he is looking at things incorrectly. Best of luck he is young and hopefully won't do this again

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 23/12/2025 19:47

Sorry you sound like a decent person but your DS sounds like a trainee, arrogant brat

And a very entitled one at that.

He thinks the world owes him big time.

Why?

Tortycatlover · 23/12/2025 19:48

Have you grounded him? Or confiscated his phone. He needs to understand that this is totally unacceptable, you are very disappointed and he has let you and himself down.

NotMyKidsThough · 23/12/2025 20:05

Next time - and there will be a next time, judging from the 'so what?' response - it could be your stuff he steals. Tesco would have been perfectly within their rights to call the police and ask for him to be charged with theft. Tell him clearly that one of his Christmas presents isn't going to happen now and that next time you'll call the police if Tesco dont. It's how you deal with thieves.

KilkennyCats · 23/12/2025 20:11

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 19:03

It is stealing, but it is not morally wrong, to steal a piece of food you need from a corporation thats prices cause people to go hungry.

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Tesco are the cause of people going hungry? I’ve bloody well heard it all now.

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 20:19

Yes. Supermarkets have grossly inflated prices and because of this people are hungry. They haven't a moral leg to stand on.

YorkshireGoldDrinker · 23/12/2025 20:22

He's been barred from that branch of Tesco. I'd say that's a measured punishment itself. Leave it be and hope he doesn't slip up again. If he does, cross that bridge if you get to it.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/12/2025 20:31

Flurt · 23/12/2025 09:24

I wouldn’t be cancelling Christmas. Between him being robbed, the endless footage of unfinished shoplifting, the vast supermarket profits and a teens bravado I would presume he made a daft call. Talking it through and looking at the personal consequences is by far the best way to move forward.

My son took a few thousands worth of goods from Tesco. I only found out at the end. He paid a fine and was banned from the store and couldn’t have cared less as he had finished college and couldn’t have cared less about supermarket profits or prices. He wouldn’t have stolen from a small shop which he thought despicable.
He is rather of the opinion that the bigger companies theft happens in the context of their tax dodges and greed for excessive profits. I think there is a interesting point about how our current model of society with its increased wealth disparity in all areas creates a less attractive social contract for our youth.

What it wasn’t for him was a slippery slope or a gateway crime. He lives a great life, treats people well and wouldn’t steal again because now he is older consequences would be greater plus he has money.

Ah, your son pretends to think that he's "rather" a social justice warrior rather than thief and you seem to be kind of agreeing with him. Interesting from a psychological viewpoint.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/12/2025 20:33

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 19:03

It is stealing, but it is not morally wrong, to steal a piece of food you need from a corporation thats prices cause people to go hungry.

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"I've nicked stuff and I'm going to justify it".

I love a sociopath

Applecup · 23/12/2025 20:44

Mollydoggerson · 23/12/2025 10:48

Spoke to my son. He said his friend "John" got banned from Tesco last Friday for stealing protein bars, but he had money on him, so paid when caught, but banned. But was back in there yesterday.

My son says, he offered to leave his gym bag with the Tesco manager, while he went to his brother to get money from his brother to pay (brother was in the shopping centre too). Tesco wouldn't allow that, that is why they called me.

I ve had a conversation with him about impulsivity, entitlement, consequences, reputation and asholedom. I also discussed respect and communication with the staff. He has repaid me.

Thank you for the responses.

Son sounds an insufferable brat.

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 20:54

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/12/2025 20:33

"I've nicked stuff and I'm going to justify it".

I love a sociopath

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No I haven't

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 20:56

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/12/2025 20:31

Ah, your son pretends to think that he's "rather" a social justice warrior rather than thief and you seem to be kind of agreeing with him. Interesting from a psychological viewpoint.

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It's a valid, intelligent, viewpoint.

Kendodd · 23/12/2025 21:13

I'd be taking at least one of his Christmas presents and donating it somewhere.
With regard stealing food though, I would feel very differently if you genuinely had no money to eat, that wasn't the case though.
One of the saddest things I've seen in supermarkets is baby milk with anti theft alarms on them. I really wish Tesco had put a notice next to the baby milk saying that 'if you can't afford it, please come see us' so the mother can just be given some from the food donation bins.
Anyway, I digress, your son needs consequences for what he did.

KaleidoscopeSmile · 23/12/2025 21:38

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 20:56

It's a valid, intelligent, viewpoint.

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Yeah, well you said further up this thread "I believe your son is sharing the widespread and growing sentiment that the corps charging us to hell just to live, our god-given right, can just go to hell. Take it as a political statement."

Which sounds like childish "stick it to the man" nonsense so I'm not going to think that anything you say is either valid or intelligent.

brown31c · 23/12/2025 21:45

No “very good kid” is stealing from supermarkets. Ffs what is the bar for this country? We must be fucked

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 23/12/2025 21:46

He’s lucky he doesn’t have a criminal record

rwalker · 23/12/2025 21:54

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 18:00

It's just a sandwich. He must have really needed it. I've picked up a bottle of water and walked out the shop when I've had no money and was about to faint from dehydration, I just really did need it that much

You might of been better asking for a first aider rather than stealing

KilkennyCats · 23/12/2025 22:03

Xmasdemon · 23/12/2025 20:56

It's a valid, intelligent, viewpoint.

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No, dear, it is not. Are you 12, by any chance?

Laurmolonlabe · 23/12/2025 22:05

I'm afraid this is very stupid and arrogant, he needs to be disabused of the idea the world (or Tesco) owe him a living.
My brother was like this, and despite having reasonable intelligence and prospects nearly went to prison.
How is he going to get on when he goes to work and demands are placed on him?
Currently he thinks the world should just let him do what he likes, and he doesn't even have to apologise-that is a perfect recipe for disaster.
Most teenagers rebel, but it doesn't involve unrepentant theft, you definitely need to take action.

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