13 year old son getting too ‘close’ with girlfriend

[Siandlae]

My 13 year old son is the funniest, loveliest boy ever. He has in the last 2 weeks got a girlfriend (they hung out as friends for weeks first) who is also lovely but seems a lot more forward than my son. (Previous boyfriends etc) They are in the same class at school although she is still 12. He proudly told us the other day that they had their first kiss and now jokes about them “snogging” all the time. My 10 year old daughter told me that they were kissing in front of her today ( which I’m not happy about as I don’t want her to think that this is the norm) and earlier I walked in to the room they sit in (downstairs room with sofa and TV) and they were laid on the sofa kissing with the lights off.

While I love that he feels he can talk to us about this and is comfortable at home, I worry that this is moving far too fast.

I want to talk to him about it but don’t want him to not want to talk to us and also worry that he will stop wanting to be at home and will just go to her house where it seems they are allowed in her bedroom alone. (His lockscreen photo is of them laid on her bed)

As they have only been together for 2 weeks, we haven’t met her parents yet but they seem more liberal than us (we are quite laid back by the way) and they are often at her house alone as they are at work. At our house, there is generally either me or his dad at home as we have flexible hours and have our daughter too.

I’m obviously worried about things progressing further at this young age but also don’t want to put ideas in his head. How do we handle this??

You know mentioned this to a work colleague (younger than me, older than my kids) and she said it is because there is a "trend" where you are supposed to post pictures of you and your partner from childhood sweethearts until marriage/kids/whatever. She said the slogan is "same boy/man, different dress" and parents do it for their kids as well as people doing it for themselves.

So a mother of the bride might post such pics to commerate her daughter's engagement, for instance.

No way would i be allowing him to her house. This is far too young for this behaviour and like a few PPs im fairly relaxed about giving my DC freedom.

You need to keep closer tabs on them in your home.

Id also be insisting he puts Life360 on his phone just in case he thinks about lying to you about where he is. No tracker, no going out.

Watching this with interest as DSS 13 came
home with a love bite last week (having lied to us and telling us there were only boys at his friends house for the afternoon). He tried to say it was no big deal and his Mum also thinks that-but I am very concerned about what he is getting up to (and the lies).

Has your partner talked to him?

No dating until 16.
Why let your own child risk getting pregnant and having an abortion? As parents, it's on us to protect our children from this.
To people who say that they cannot control what their children do at 12-13, I think it must be a joke? Of course parents can do a lot to prevent their kids from having relationships at that age and you've got many tools to do that. Like drumming in them since young age that their priority should be education, learning, exams and sports. Putting them in different clubs/extra-curricular activities. Seriously restricting their phone usage and banning certain apps. Trying to find them a hobby that they would like, so that they do something they love in their free time, and not waste time on social media. Bringing them up with love and family values in mind, teaching them responsibility.
The early (over)sexualisation of children is never positive and always ends in heartache and drama.

My friend had a love bite at 13 to his mum’s bafflement - it was from a boy.

No dating until he’s 14, and the girl must be 14 too. Or ideally both 16+. But you do need to change rules about this.
Or your son will get this poor girl pregnant. If he hasn’t already! Make sure he is aware of staying safe sexually, and your expectations that if he does get a girl pregnant he will absolutely have to step up.

I’ve seen this too.
It’s trendy/ aspirational to have a boyfriend at 13 - childhood sweethearts that last forever and end up getting married and having kids. It has been a thing to marry your childhood sweetheart in America for a while and I think with social media it’s becoming more aspirational here too.

This was was definitely from his ‘girlfriend’

Can you install a nanny-cam

Op, too much too soon, for sure. Yikes.

But, and I say this as a seasoned pearl clutched, what is acceptable in year 8 / 9 so at 13/14 then?

I have strongly encouraged dd1 to hold off with dating. She had a big crush in year 7 and 8 asked him out in the summer term year 8 and they went on a few dates. She then got the ick and I had to show her how to let the lad down gently. She is now in year 12 and apart from a crush in year 10 she hasn't had a boyfriend so far, all her friends have had several.

Dd is 13 and has also had a crush since year 7. I have said I'm not keen on her dating until at least year 9 so a few months away. What's age appropriate dating then?

Why does a 12/13 year old have a gf / bf? Ridiculous

I see the OP never came back!

@Siandlae