Constant detentions for skirt length

[Falcon1]

My DD is 13. Since starting year 8 she’s had weekly detentions for rolling up her skirt and has been on report. She was also on report twice last year for the same thing. I keep getting emails from the school about it, but really - what can I do? This last detention we’ve said enough is enough and have grounded her but she is entirely unbothered. Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display. I kind of agree to be honest, particularly as she is doing fine academically. But I worry she’s going to be in detention her whole school career and it’s making her hate the school.

any advice most gratefully received!

Disclaimer. I haven’t read the whole thread. My DD re-hemmed her skirt so she could have it at her desired length and not get in trouble for rolling it up. It’s no shorter than it would be on a girl who was just a bit taller. I have to hand it to her for dedication to be honest.

OP Firstly do you know exactly how short she is wearing it at school? I get the public bus with teen girls sometimes and it's quite obscene. I see far more than I want to...

Perhaps a phone chat with the teacher emailing you would be a good start?

My view is you need to support the school in enforcing rules, and also explaining them. I doubt the school is "obsessed with her legs" as she claims or disrespecting her.

Do we, women, really want it to be the norm for teen girls to be wearing tiny skirts? It's naive to think girls all make these choices independently.

Some schools have girls mainly in comfy trousers, some it seems likely they all have them very very short. It's peer pressure.

And from what I can see these girls in tiny skirts aren't happy or comfortable. You aren't necessarily supporting your daughter's wellbeing by letting her do as she likes.

So it’s ok for them to display their nether regions for all to see? Is it up to the public to avert their eyes? It’s not, it’s disgusting and these girls know exactly what they are doing. It’s not ok for parents to be cool with it and brush it off as a rite of passage, either!

This is so true, honestly the sights you don't want to see when walking behind up stairs as a female staff member is uncomfortable enough!

Of course it's not ok but it's a developmental thing. Like little kids eating their snot on public. That's not nice to see and you tell kids not to do it, while the adults round about eye-roll and move on. Lots of things about kids and working with them are faintly gross, but there's no need for excessive pearl-clutching. Eventually the message sinks in and they stop doing it.

What exactly do you mean by that know exactly what they're doing? What are they doing and why?

Some will wear indecently short skirts to get a reaction, some just to attract males and others because of peer pressure. One way to deal with it is ridicule, as hearing someone behind them laughing at the display is not what they would expect or welcome. Fortunately, most girls want to concentrate on working their way towards a good career, and respect school rules. As some said, the easiest thing is to have a no skirts policy.

many of these girls genuinely like this kind of stuff

What these teen girls like or dislike doesn't emerge outside of the social surroundings they are in. It emerges from it and alters it.

I.e. I went to a school where virtually no girls "liked" wearing skirts. Another school they all "liked" wearing them. Given we were all pretty similar what explains that?

I suppose the point I'm making is that this isn't just about mum, daughter and school teacher but has wider social implications.

I.e. if popular girls start wearing very short skirts more will do so, and do we really want teenagers wearing such short skirts.

I agree that some freedom and choice is important but also so are appropriate boundaries and part of growing up is working out that grey area.

I also wonder if the OP would mind if her daughter wore an extremely short dress to a church wedding?

This thread has me thinking...

If it waddles like a duck and quacks like a duck.... Maybe it's a duck.

Why does everything have to have some sinister overtone? Why are our perceived 'rights' over the best outcome for a group prioritised? What are we teaching our young people? That it's ok to do whatever you please?

This thread has taken some twists and turns. At the end of the day a teen broke school rules. Her Mum has a decision to make, back up the school, or don't.

It seems that sensible gets short shrift on the www these days. I will bet my post will be overlooked (which is fine), in favour of outrage. It's exhausting.

For rolling their skirt up a couple of inches? They are not 'showing their bum' they are making a very unflattering below knee skirt a little bit shorter because they are at that age where fashion becomes important.

That's very quaint if your local schools are doing that - that's what kids in my school were doing in the 90s. These days they're starting shorter than my classmates finished rolling. Sadly, showing bum is not an exaggeration for one of our local schools. DD's school I haven't seen anything nearly as extreme, maybe the style of the skirt is harder to roll or the culture is different.

I don't understand why schools still have skirts as an option, it's so impractical and old fashioned

In our case because when we tried to introduce trousers for all, more parents objected than supported it

I find it so odd! In our town people mostly get skirts for their girls, and then moan about them wearing them too short. And in the winter they look so cold! I don't understand it.

Saying that, this is the kind of town where the primary boys have blue coats and the girls have pink coats 🤷🏼‍♀️

I teach teens. I regularly get treated to a sight of bum cheeks and gussets as they go upstairs due to skirts that really are that short. When they're sat down the side of their thigh all the way up to the top is visible. You are naive if you think that isn't the case.

I would have a chat with her, preferably somewhere neutral and a bit grown up like a nice coffee shop and tell her tgat you can be alluring and attractive without being obvious. Think of some examples before you go.

I would also ask her what she thinks she would like to do when she finishes school. Depending on where she goes, the rules on dress maybe more or less strict.

One of mine went to the 6th form at the school and had to wear “business wear” every day. The other went to College and honestly looked like they were ready for bed most days.

If she’s not planning on pursuing education, then any job will expect her to follow rules, even the ones she disagrees with and the punishment won’t be detention, it will be losing her job. If you work you might want to point out hpw you have to observe a dress code or follow rules that you would prefer not to.

True and also true is that the detentions don’t work either.

The mothers attitude is it;s happening at school so therefore i will just let the school deal with it. Parenting is obviously not high on the list, just washing her hands so she doesn't have to say no to her daughter.