Constant detentions for skirt length

[Falcon1]

My DD is 13. Since starting year 8 she’s had weekly detentions for rolling up her skirt and has been on report. She was also on report twice last year for the same thing. I keep getting emails from the school about it, but really - what can I do? This last detention we’ve said enough is enough and have grounded her but she is entirely unbothered. Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display. I kind of agree to be honest, particularly as she is doing fine academically. But I worry she’s going to be in detention her whole school career and it’s making her hate the school.

any advice most gratefully received!

Ours was green blazer, grey skirt. The summer dress was a horrendous shade of yellow and white stripe with a very full skirt that the wind loved to play with.

One of the other schools had a brown uniform and one had purple.

Loving all these earnest “sit down and tell her firmly” advice! Like we didn’t do that 🙄. What 15 year old worth their salt would listen?!

Not to worry op only pearl clutching weirdos care about this - any other normal parent of teen girls will be sending you sympathy vibes!

It won't.

Teacher here. Apologies, but this is why teachers are leaving education. Parents don’t want to parent. We understand that parenting is hard - most of us are parents too. But that doesn’t mean you don’t do it. Your daughter is 13 and needs to learn to follow the rules. Or you can wait until she’s 15/16 and won’t follow your rules at home. All children are lovely (my own included) when they get to do what they want. Your daughter will already have had the skirt rule explained to her rationally. She isn’t being rational. She’s a teen, it’s not necessarily her fault. But you are an adult. Step up and support the school. The teachers don’t have time to supervise detentions, send you emails and speak repeatedly to your daughter. They would much prefer to be spending their time on preparing lessons, feedback and planning opportunities outside the classroom. You chose the school with all the policies in place, teacher your daughter that she is not above organisational expectations. Parent your child.

Are you her mum or her friend? Why are you letting her walk all over you. She might be kind but she’s spoilt. In the real world when she gets a job with a uniform she can’t wear it her way as shed get sacked. She’s the one being disrespectful. No teacher or student wants to see her legs and arse it’s disgusting. Start being a mum and parent her.

Just tell her you don’t support her choice of hill to die on. But it’s her choice. And she has to suffer the consequences of those actions.

I work in education and think school uniform is too strict. However she knows how to avoid this - she’s choosing not to.

some teens always need a battle to fight and too feel hard done by. Imreackon if you removed this problem she’d find another!

Teachers are not leaving the profession because year 8 girls are rolling up their skirts - something which, as other posters have said, has been going on since at least the 1960s.

Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display.

This works both ways - why is she so obsessed with having her legs on display?

She can’t get to wear her skirt the way she likes it because it goes against the school rules. So she either abides by it or carries on getting detentions. Personally I would get her trousers if she is rolling the skirt up and would not give her pocket money etc so she cannot simply go and source another one.

You're still the boss though. You still earn the money and put the roof over their head. The really simple solution to this is that you as the parent you tell your teen that you are absolutely not going to provide uniform that she won't wear appropriately. You get her trousers. It's really not difficult. Since most parents are clearly too wet to do this though I think if I was running a secondary school I'd enforce a tracksuit-style uniform with school logoed tshirts and trousers. Cheap, comfy and they won't be able to abuse it in such a way.

If teachers are leaving the profession because of skirt length it wasn’t the job for them in the first place. And most of my extended family are teachers so I am very pro teacher my dad famously didn’t even notice the uniform transgressions that others got so het up about.

Just explain the rationale then. Within some places, and some institutions, they have rules which you may or may not agree with.

Outside of school, you wear what you like. Within school, you adhere to their uniform rules. If you can’t wear a skirt in a way that complies with policy, you need to wear trousers. It’s your choice, but those are the choices. 1) wear your skirt according to school rules or 2) wear trousers.

At work, there are usually dress codes that need to be respected. School is the same. You show the maturity to understand that, or you have to have your clothes chosen for you, like a little child (trousers).

For those who say it's "for the boys" - not necessarily.

I agree. I work in a girls' school. If it were for the boys (in town en route to or from school) they could roll their skirts down in school and avoid getting told off. In reality they are far more bothered by the judgment of the other girls.

She just wants to wear her skirt how she likes it!

Well, what if she gets a job with uniform rules. She can’t just wear something ‘how she likes it’ in that case, so why is school different? I think it’s a good training ground for the workforce and life.

Teachers ARE leaving because of lack of support from parents and uniform is one area where some parents opt out of supporting g the school.

As a secondary teacher, I don’t want to sit opposite teen girls with their legs akimbo and very short skirts so everything is on show. I equally don’t want to walk up stairs behind girls where arse cheeks are hanging out.

Parents do condone this way of dress as I’ve seen them walking around town after school with their daughters whose blazers are longer than their skirts.

Here’s the thing, if female teachers dressed like this, parents would not be happy, so why should their children be allowed to?

Staff have to wear clothes that are suitable business wear in most schools so why should the teens not have to comply too?

How would she source her own skirt at 13? Presumably pocket money (stop) or constantly borrowing a skirt from a friend (embarrassing eventually?)

It's a simple case of if she want to go to that school then has to go with their policies.

Go looking through other school uniform policies. They are all pretty similar tbh.

I know you might not agree with the school but if you want her at that school you have to back the school on these 'silly' issues. We can't do what we want how we want all the time.

She's 13 and 'feels disrespected' at school. Are you serious. Those are the rules. She needs to abide by them whatever her personal thoughts and this should be communicated to her loud and clear. And it is not just the schools responsibility to sort this. Take away her skirts. Give her trousers. Whatever it takes to make sure she understands the concept of school rules. I'd be bloody livid if my daughter behaved like this

You signed up. Presumably you agreed to the rules? There are rules/laws all through life. We can’t just decide they don’t apply to us.

The irony is, once she is at college she will be in wide leg trousers

Can she get around the rule by not rolling up her skirt but wearing a smaller size?! My 15 year old wears a size 10 skirt! When they check to see if it's rolled it's not and she doesn't get into trouble.

Why teenagers think this looks cool is beyond me. In addition to showing their underwear they're busting out at the seams making them look fat when they're actually slim.

A skort maybe? Thy cant be rolled up.

Looking at the state of the majority of girls skirts I’m not surprised the school is cracking down. When a skirt is shorter than a blazer I’m sorry it’s. It appropriate for school. If you can’t bend down to pick up a pen without flashing yourself it’s too short. These are children. I’ve recently had to have a conversation about the length of skirt at work because my colleague couldn’t bend over without leaving very little to the imagination. It’s just not ok in some situations. It’s little wonder schools are becoming stricter when parents don’t appear to want to work with them and leave it to them to sort out.

If the short skirt is meant to make her look attractive and fashionable point out that the thick wedge of rolled skirt round her midriff does not achieve either.

Or don't give her any knickers! (Just joking)

This, she's old enough to start learning how the world works and stop the entitled attitude.