Constant detentions for skirt length

[Falcon1]

My DD is 13. Since starting year 8 she’s had weekly detentions for rolling up her skirt and has been on report. She was also on report twice last year for the same thing. I keep getting emails from the school about it, but really - what can I do? This last detention we’ve said enough is enough and have grounded her but she is entirely unbothered. Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display. I kind of agree to be honest, particularly as she is doing fine academically. But I worry she’s going to be in detention her whole school career and it’s making her hate the school.

any advice most gratefully received!

So she wants her own way, basically

How many other girls defy the rules?

I'm 70+ and as soon as we went into skirts in the 3rd form (Year 9) we all rolled our skirts up. And at the end of assembly we would have the length measured
(Very strict grammar). Constant battle!

However, had my parents been involved, I'd never have done it again!

I agree - same vintage as you, I would say the last 2-3 years or so.

You clearly don't live near our local high school. Some (not all) of the girls look like pantomime principal boys in the blazers that are longer than the skirt. It isn't appropriate in school and wouldn't be in the vast majority of workplaces.

Take her phone for an extended period every time and tell her respect is earned.

I've seen it, most short skirts round here aren't that short but yes Ive seen it. I live in a seaside town so not unusual to see lots of flesh on show but a few girls do wear very short skirts and I assume they don't realise how much of their buttocks are on show. I think those tights tube skirts tend to ride up over bottoms but still covered at the front.

At the school my daughters went to, boys and girls ALL wore the same uniform - shirt, tie, blazer and trousers. I think that this was a good idea. Sorry, it doesn't help the original poster, but I still think all schools should do this.

Yes, they do ride up, so when they stand up for dismissal, I look away while they adjust themselves.

You need to be backing up the school. You chose to send her there, you know what the rules are. If you don't like it, then try and find a school with less harsh uniform rules, although they do all seem to be the same now.

Your DD is growing up with a huge sense of entitlement, that she can do what she wants because she doesn't have to follow the rules.

Back the school up, ground her, take away her phone, whatever, but back the school up.

If she spends her life in detention, then so be it. That is her choice to do that, it's not your problem. She will get fed up with it at some point.

She's 13. She isn't going to change the school uniform policy. You're the adult here, so start acting like a parent and make her where her skirt properly. She probably doesn't realise how daft she looks with a sausage of fabric around her waist.

This is why some schools have imposed an all-trouser rule. A skirt can be almost anything but you can’t argue with trousers.

I would sit down and have a calm conversation about it. Ask her if she is happy to constantly have detention and discuss with her about the importance of following school rules, even the one you don't agree with/

I would also devise a punishment for refusing to follow them again. Some of kind of loss of privileges that would matter to her.

She wants her own way and is pushing the boundaries. The rules are there for a reason. Removal of phone is probably the best option.

Why does she want her legs on display? What purpose does it serve?

I thought that was likely. I often think it must be draughty, we do tend to get windy weather on the coast.

I've had 2 DD's do this since Y8, eldest now in college (no longer wearing skirts!), youngest in Y11. There's a lot of peer pressure. Youngest was constantly getting detentions for this amongst other misdemeanours. The problem I found is that detentions now are not like when we were in school, they are a big social event where kids just meet in a room and mess about on their phones. It seems, certainly in my DD's school, that there is no structure or discipline and therefore they're not a deterrent. For that reason, the skirt issue was firmly reclassified as a "them" problem not a "me" problem. Pick your battles.

OP - have you countered this by asking her why she’s so obsessed with displaying her legs?

Cuts both ways.

I really don't get why people wear ties to school - its dirty and germ inducing, plus old fashioned

my dd2 went to a secondary school with trousers, polo tops and sweatshirts for uniform and because it was so simple, the students always looked fine. They weren't allowed to tuck their polo shirts in either, which no one did even though they weren't allowed

the teachers didn't have to keep sorting uniform issues

then in her last year a new head teacher brought in a uniform apparently as the students and parents wanted one

it was then a mess of short skirts and untucked shirts

Not where I teach! That sounds very poor indeed.

I used to be your daughter. I achieved straight A(*)s, had a lovely friendship, enjoyed sport and wore a 2mm long skirt. I didn't see issue with it at the time.

However, as a married mum of 2 waiting in the hospital last week for an appointment, I was horrified to see the length of skirts worn by girls also waiting with their parents. I, for the first time, completely understood why my mother became irate with me about it. It's a terrible look.

My mum confiscated my skirts and got me flattering trousers instead. I was pretty pissed off at the time but in hindsight I'm pleased. You want teachers to respect both you and your daughter, do the right thing and teach her how to respect herself. It'll pay off in the long run, even if you have a little bust up now.

Disclaimer - said as a naive parent who is yet to go through adolescence with either child. I'm sure it's challenging, pick your battles, if you don't have the strength to deal with it, I don't blame you!

I wouldn’t do anything. I agree with her that it’s a stupid rule. She either follows the rule or accepts the consequences. She’s not bothered by the consequences so let her have weekly detentions/be on report. She’ll either get fed up and comply, or they’ll get fed up and kick her out. Which feels unlikely given expulsion is a massive deal and I’m not sure routine uniform non-compliance in an otherwise strong student could be justified.

I wouldn’t punish her at home. It’s not worth it, she doesn’t care and she’s already being punished. As long as she complied with all of MY rules, what she does at school is down to her and her own stupid head.

If she is working hard and generally doesn’t cause trouble, let this be the hill she dies on if she wants.

My son used to get detention for being late. We lived five minutes walk from school and he always left at last second (his sister was always early). Anyhoo they did nothing and I told the school that detentions were useless- take away something that he cares about. So they said late one more time and he couldn’t play on the next rugby match. That got to him so he was on time (until rugby season was over at least)!
So tell the school to come up with some other ‘incentive’ for her to stick to skirt rules, or do one yourself.

She feels “disrespected” at school. Why? Because she is being asked to follow the same basic and simple rules as everyone else, or are they posting pictures of her on the school website and inviting other students to point their fingers and laugh at her?

Did you not explain to them when she started that she is an extremely special person for whom rules need to be lifted otherwise she gets very very sad?

Some mums are clearly OK with the teeny skirts though or the rolled up skirts. I was at the orthodontist with my youngest boy last week (he is 17), there was a girl there in school uniform from his school, he recognised her, said she was S2 so 13/14. Her skirt was SO short, it was like 2 ruffles and you could see a good part of her bum cheeks when she stood up. Her mum was there with her.

I had the same battles with my own dd and her too short skirts but they were never so short as to be indecent. And now she's a student she never wears skirts any more, it;s all jeans and joggers.

This is it.

School are dealing with it. Support the school, and let her know you support the school . You dont need to double punish. She's in that rebellious phase.

Plenty of schools go up to 18. If she goes elsewhere, she'll still need a reference. It won't mention skirt length but may well highlight difficulties in conforming to simple rules.
Education is about a lot of things.