Constant detentions for skirt length

[Falcon1]

My DD is 13. Since starting year 8 she’s had weekly detentions for rolling up her skirt and has been on report. She was also on report twice last year for the same thing. I keep getting emails from the school about it, but really - what can I do? This last detention we’ve said enough is enough and have grounded her but she is entirely unbothered. Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display. I kind of agree to be honest, particularly as she is doing fine academically. But I worry she’s going to be in detention her whole school career and it’s making her hate the school.

any advice most gratefully received!

My mum would have taken away my skirts and made me wear trousers, but I guess that would be considered harsh nowadays!
Does she understand that in life there will always be rules/laws that seem stupid? But choosing not to follow them leads to consequences. You could try saying that its her choice and the consequences are therefore her responsibility.
Perhaps you could encourage her to explore what the schools process is for making rules, are students able to campaign for changes etc.

I would tell her that when she goes to work there will be things she has to do that she may not agree with. This is just the same. Outside if school she can wear her skirts how she likes. Inside school she needs to wear her school skirt so it follows the rules or put a pair of trousers on. That’s life, get over it and concentrate on getting good results.

Take her phone away - simple

Maybe tell her girls have been rolling up skirts for decades, it's a form of defiance that clearly hasn't worked. Maybe channel here energies elsewhere?

If she isn't bothered about the detentions then let her continue.
As you say there is nothing you can do to stop her from doing it.

What do you mean, what can you do? What have you tried to do?
You could always find a school with no such rules if you find this problematic.

It’s a shame that while her teachers are being adults, you aren’t.

Agree with a PP - remove the skirt, hand her trousers. If she refuses to wear the skirt properly, she doesn’t get to wear it.

Who exactly do you think benefits from her rolling up her skirt? Her? Of course not. The creeps and perverts who love letching over schoolgirls? 100%. So why would you be part of facilitating that?

And consider that girls are groomed from ever younger ages to think that baring as much flesh as possible is how they should dress. Compare girls shorts to boys, for example. Or T shirts.

And then be the adult she needs you to be.

Yes, we all rolled our skirts in the 80s. But no adult let us get away with it.

I’m torn between thinking let school deal with it and coming down hard at home - I really don’t know what the right approach is. She feels disrespected at school and generally she responds much better with rationale for why she should do something rather than punishment. She is very stubborn when she wants to be so I’m concerned about potentially making things worse!

Put her in trousers
or change schools
or live with it
or removal of phone at home for every uniform related detention.

Also, it's not "legs" on display. The girls wear tube skirts which just cover their underwear, and sometimes not.
Our rules changed to ban tube skirts, but many parents sent their daughters in with them anyway. It's everywhere.

Don’t buy her skirts as part of her uniform, only provide trousers. Explain to her how getting constant detentions will eventually affect her academic situation. Ask her if this is a fight she really wants to champion.

I'm sure that the "rationale" has been explained to her, if not, I'm sure that you can explain it.

She's not being disrespected at school, she's being asked to follow a simple rule, something which we all have to do at times. I'd actually be inclined to back the school on this, because when you chose to send her there you presumably accepted their rules.

Dear god. She feels disrespected because she is getting detentions for rolling her skirt?! Have you seen it rolled up? Does she wear shirts underneath because she knows how short she is making it? It isn't legs we are now seeing with the state of girls skirts in school, it is their actual arses.

Why does she feel disrespected? Over the skirt issue? Or anything else?

Thank you, this is actually the problem.

Trousers only from now on

Hi
We had classes on 3 levels and going up the stairs with their skirts like this was awful.Everyone below could see more than just underwear. I used to grab the girls at the bottom of the stairs and tell them to pull them down before going up. They then shortened them again at the top but at least saved the dignity of some!

You really want your 13 year old DD flashing her classmates and teachers? How about she has more respect for them? And you!

Based on my local school, the issue is skirts so short you can see underwear and not much of that in some cases!

Speaking as someone who doesnt yet have teenagers, so apologies if this is naive. If she responds to rationale, could you explain the rationale? Appreciate it is a bit grim to explain to a child, but essentially by wearing her skirt so short she is creating a situation in which people around her will sexualise her. I remember as a teenager absolutely hating rules I found arbitrary, but I think it would have been good to learn a bit earlier about predatory men. But appreciate you might want to shelter her from that for a few more years.

She sounds spoilt and precious. She’s breaking the school rules. Tell her that the detentions are a natural consequence of that. I’m amazed she hasn’t managed to work it out yet. Take away her skirts and either get her trousers at buy her a couple of skirts like these. She’d look like a pillock if she tried to roll up this skirt.

https://warnocks.co.uk/shop/your-school-uniform/grammar-and-high-schools/belfast-model-school-for-girls/grey-long-box-pleat-skirt/

I would give her one more chance, then would throw away the skirts and make her wear trousers. I'd tell her this was the consequence

I'm fighting that battle with my 13 yo at the moment. School don't appear to be enforcing or sanctioning it but she came home and I could see buttocks the other day and have told her after much backchat and arguing that if I see it shorter than mid thigh I will confiscate her phone. Don't get me starred on the collection of rings I confiscated from her as well.

My daughter has been rolling up her skirt since Y7 (she's now in Y11). I will be honest and say I really don't care 🤷‍♀️ the skirt definitely covers her bum and she wears tights in winter anyway, so it looks fine. I wish schools would focus on teaching and dealing with bullies rather than skirt lengths or other ridiculous uniform rules.