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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Constant detentions for skirt length

522 replies

Falcon1 · 05/10/2025 08:36

My DD is 13. Since starting year 8 she’s had weekly detentions for rolling up her skirt and has been on report. She was also on report twice last year for the same thing. I keep getting emails from the school about it, but really - what can I do? This last detention we’ve said enough is enough and have grounded her but she is entirely unbothered. Her take is that she wants to wear her skirt the way she likes it and will keep doing so, and that the teachers should stop being so obsessed with her legs being on display. I kind of agree to be honest, particularly as she is doing fine academically. But I worry she’s going to be in detention her whole school career and it’s making her hate the school.

any advice most gratefully received!

OP posts:
HalloweenIsComing · 05/10/2025 09:45

You need to toughen up your parenting, doesn't matter if she doesn't agree with the school rules, if you went to work you would wear appropriate uniform.
Chuck the skirts and get her trousers, tell her now she has no choice but to wear them as you are fed up with the endless detentions.
When I was in school most girls wore trousers as we found them more comfortable and warmer in the winter months too.

MumWifeOther · 05/10/2025 09:45

Ddakji · 05/10/2025 08:52

It’s a shame that while her teachers are being adults, you aren’t.

Agree with a PP - remove the skirt, hand her trousers. If she refuses to wear the skirt properly, she doesn’t get to wear it.

Who exactly do you think benefits from her rolling up her skirt? Her? Of course not. The creeps and perverts who love letching over schoolgirls? 100%. So why would you be part of facilitating that?

And consider that girls are groomed from ever younger ages to think that baring as much flesh as possible is how they should dress. Compare girls shorts to boys, for example. Or T shirts.

And then be the adult she needs you to be.

Yes, we all rolled our skirts in the 80s. But no adult let us get away with it.

This.

She’s 13 years old, she’s the child and you are the parent.

You are teaching her to not respect rules and that is a very slippery slope. I don’t actually agree with most the rules in the secondary schools and have a bit of an issue with the whole system, I’d prefer to home ed my kids but they like school and being with their friends. I give them the autonomy to make that choice but I am absolutely clear - if they go, they follow and respect the rules. If they don’t like them, leave and do something else.

You have multiple options available to you to deter her from doing this. I would exhaust them and lay down your marker now otherwise you’re just setting yourself up for later.

PalePinkPeony · 05/10/2025 09:45

Mum of a 16 year old girl who has just finished with uniform here.
loving all these posters suggesting trousers. Absolutely hilarious. If I had forced that on my daughter she

  1. Simply wouldn’t have gone to school. Even if I somehow forced her out the door or got her dad to frog match her on the bus she would have not actually gone in. Or asked friends to bring a skirt and changed straight away in the school loo. 2. It would have harmed our relationship disproportionality to the actual issue of skirt rolling. Her humiliation of being forced to wear trousers (which literally no one wears) would have been as bad for her as if my husband made me wear my pants and bra down the high street ringing a bell and shouting shame game of thrones style. I’m not kidding! Luckily mine never wanted detention so was always a bit more savvy. She needs to find a way OP to still roll her skirt but only to the line of school acceptable levels. In year 8 she’s only just starting with the rule breaking. What do the other girls do? I’m sure lots still roll their skirt but don’t get constant detentions.
Darner · 05/10/2025 09:46

If she can’t obey the rules and has such a cavalier and disrespectful attitude to them, I’d take away her skirts and make her wear trousers. If she found a way around that, she’d be grounded and losing her phone. She sounds like a pita.

3456DDF · 05/10/2025 09:46

She feels disrespected at school

Bless, as if her feelings matter to anyone apart from herself.

  1. Buy her trousers.
  2. Throw her skirts away - she cannot control her impulse to roll it up, so take away her choice.

She has shown complete disregard for the rules of a school she goes to, so take away her choice.

Problem solved.

I am glad the school is standing firm. Standards need to be kept to, otherwise children go to work later on thinking they are the special ones that dont need to follow any guidelines.

Nannyfannybanny · 05/10/2025 09:46

I took my dgd to school one morning
There was a girl walking towards the school, not only did she have her skirt round her arse,her tie was loose, several buttons undone on her shirt, and enough breast on show to make Katie price jealous, and people on here, say it's a womans right to choose what she wears... this was a 15 year old kid.

secureyourbook · 05/10/2025 09:46

Agree with all the PPs - she will have to abide by rules she doesn’t like for the rest of her life so she may as well get on with it.

Having constant detentions on her school record won’t look great (mine have been out of school for some time but what happens if they get so many detentions? Does it escalate to suspension?)

I would come down hard at home tbh - if she’s not bothered by detentions find something she is bothered about and if she gets X number of detentions a week she loses certain privileges at home.

I see dozens of girls walking to school with their skirts pulled so far up they’re barely covering their bum cheeks. Let’s face it, they’re not doing it because they like having cold legs, they’re doing it for the male gaze.

PistachioTiramisu · 05/10/2025 09:47

'She feels disrespected at school'??? Perhaps she should try to respect the rules and do as she is told. She is a schoolgirl - it is not up to her to try to enforce her will on the school.

TypeyMcTypeface · 05/10/2025 09:47

When I was at secondary school in the 80s, long, narrow pencil skirts were all the rage. They do say fashion cycles round so they might be due a come back!

Tiswa · 05/10/2025 09:48

Maybe though schools should rethink if their constant detentions aren’t working though

why do we insist that they need to learn that some places have uniforms and put them in blazers and ties where truthfully offices have been slowly easing out uniform rules.

a PE type tracksuit based uniform IMO would be a much better option and would solve all the problems. Far more comfortable to learn in as well

Namechange1345677 · 05/10/2025 09:48

So she's a spoilt brat basically.

Stop trying to be her friend and parent her.

i laughed when you said she feels disrespected. She needs to grow up

Thisismetooaswell · 05/10/2025 09:48

Greentulipriding · 05/10/2025 09:12

Omg stop controlling what girls and women wear and shaming them for what they wear. Nobody should be whinging about the length of skirts. Why do you care. Nobody wears them unacceptably short, never seen that.

No, men don't wear short skirts or skirts because of their anatomy such as their genitals would be on display then dangling to their thighs.

Edited
Show quote history

Oh but they do!! I can count on one hand the number of girls where I haven't seen their pants. Its the few who wear trousers. The skirts are rolled so high - even if they wear tights the skirts are shorter than the welt of the leg. It is really not nice

Oaktreet · 05/10/2025 09:50

I just think this is such a a trivial issue. So her skirts a bit short, who cares. School isn't the workplace, it's school. When she goes out to work she'll soon learn that if she doesn't follow rules, it will affect her negatively, plus she's be at least 5 years older and 5 years more mature.

I wouldn't disagree with the school giving her detentions, that's their rules and she's choosing to break them but no way would I be digging my heals in at home over something that is typical teenage behaviour, didn't everyone role up their skirts at school? Schools should just get rid of skirts altogether to be honest, so much time and effort is wasted policing the grey area over skirt length. Teenager obviously aren't wearing them how they want them to be worn so why have them at all?

MissBattleaxe · 05/10/2025 09:51

Falcon1 · 05/10/2025 08:52

I’m torn between thinking let school deal with it and coming down hard at home - I really don’t know what the right approach is. She feels disrespected at school and generally she responds much better with rationale for why she should do something rather than punishment. She is very stubborn when she wants to be so I’m concerned about potentially making things worse!

She's thirteen. Don't dance around her. Work with the school. You're the parent here.

pinkbackground · 05/10/2025 09:51

How is being asked to follow a simple rule disrespecting her? We all have to follow rules which we don’t agree with.

SuziQuinto · 05/10/2025 09:52

Tiswa · 05/10/2025 09:48

Maybe though schools should rethink if their constant detentions aren’t working though

why do we insist that they need to learn that some places have uniforms and put them in blazers and ties where truthfully offices have been slowly easing out uniform rules.

a PE type tracksuit based uniform IMO would be a much better option and would solve all the problems. Far more comfortable to learn in as well

We have no uniform post 16. Many of the girls wear either crop tops or bandeau tops, aka boob tubes, arse scrunch leggings, similar version of shorts or tube skirts.
The boys wear joggers, baggy jeans and hoodies.

TheCurious0range · 05/10/2025 09:52

I'd take her to the public gallery of a magistrates' court and let her hear all of the people who think minor rules and laws are stupid and don't apply to them. Then watch those who are officers of the court following the frankly sometimes odd protocols, and ask her which group she'd rather be part of. If she wants to smash the patriarchy rolling her skirt up isn't achieving that. There will always be times in life we don't see the point of our even disagree with, but people abiding by them is how society functions

anyolddinosaur · 05/10/2025 09:52

Ask her why she is so keen to attract the male gaze - and if she thinks the males that gaze will respect her or will think she's easy.

Mumof2wifeof1crazytimes · 05/10/2025 09:53

Disrespected by the school …. Ffs

just take her phone off her for a week and again if she gets another detention and Start parenting.

saveforthat · 05/10/2025 09:53

MayaPinion · 05/10/2025 09:01

She sounds spoilt and precious. She’s breaking the school rules. Tell her that the detentions are a natural consequence of that. I’m amazed she hasn’t managed to work it out yet. Take away her skirts and either get her trousers at buy her a couple of skirts like these. She’d look like a pillock if she tried to roll up this skirt.

https://warnocks.co.uk/shop/your-school-uniform/grammar-and-high-schools/belfast-model-school-for-girls/grey-long-box-pleat-skirt/

That's exactly the type of skirt I used to wear to school (1970s). We did indeed roll them up.

3456DDF · 05/10/2025 09:53

PalePinkPeony · 05/10/2025 09:45

Mum of a 16 year old girl who has just finished with uniform here.
loving all these posters suggesting trousers. Absolutely hilarious. If I had forced that on my daughter she

  1. Simply wouldn’t have gone to school. Even if I somehow forced her out the door or got her dad to frog match her on the bus she would have not actually gone in. Or asked friends to bring a skirt and changed straight away in the school loo. 2. It would have harmed our relationship disproportionality to the actual issue of skirt rolling. Her humiliation of being forced to wear trousers (which literally no one wears) would have been as bad for her as if my husband made me wear my pants and bra down the high street ringing a bell and shouting shame game of thrones style. I’m not kidding! Luckily mine never wanted detention so was always a bit more savvy. She needs to find a way OP to still roll her skirt but only to the line of school acceptable levels. In year 8 she’s only just starting with the rule breaking. What do the other girls do? I’m sure lots still roll their skirt but don’t get constant detentions.

So you never tried to enforce it, are just projecting what your rude, arrogant, know-it-all daughter would do in the circumstances when you didnt have the backbone to teach her that her actions have reactions??

Then would she get a round of applause from her peers?

TheCurious0range · 05/10/2025 09:54

Tiswa · 05/10/2025 09:48

Maybe though schools should rethink if their constant detentions aren’t working though

why do we insist that they need to learn that some places have uniforms and put them in blazers and ties where truthfully offices have been slowly easing out uniform rules.

a PE type tracksuit based uniform IMO would be a much better option and would solve all the problems. Far more comfortable to learn in as well

As a body conscious teenager I would've hated being made to wear a bulky shapeless tracksuit. No one is going to like any uniform, it is what it is. That's the school uniform that's a condition of going there.

CoralPombear · 05/10/2025 09:55

She follows the rules of she gets the detentions. She is old enough to understand this now.

Ddakji · 05/10/2025 09:55

SuziQuinto · 05/10/2025 09:23

I'd get rid of uniform too, but on non uniform day we have lots of girls turning up in tight mini shorts, or short bandeau dresses.
Even from yr7, girls' clothing is so sexualised.

Show quote history

You can’t equate non-uniform days, which are unusual and high-pressure, with no uniform at all day-to-day, though.

Bluebigclouds · 05/10/2025 09:56

I think I would just leave her and the school to it.

The responses you are getting about this are very over the top in my view.