Accidentally booked holiday for A level results day 2026. DD mad at me!

[Onecrazymama]

My DD is sitting her A levels next year in 2026 and then planning a gap year. She isn't even sure about going to University at all and despite being predicted all A's for her her subjects she isn't planning to apply to a university for 2026. She may apply for a 2027 place though once she realises what hard work getting a real job is 🤦🏻‍♀️.

So I went ahead and booked a package holiday for August 2026 to Spain for her, my husband and other child. Then about a week after I'd booked I realised it would mean we are away for her A level results day 🤦🏻‍♀️. We'll be back 5 days later, she can get a friend to collect them for her and obviously as she's not planning to go to uni I thought she'd be absolutely fine about this.

However, she has caused an huge fuss and wants me to change it! I've looked into moving it until after results day but it is going to cost £320 extra. We really can't afford that and the holiday itself is already alot more than we would usually spend and it's going to push our finances as it is. We booked the holiday as treat for her to be away for her birthday, celebrate finishing school etc and now I feel terrible. I don't know what to do for the best! Right now I feel like cancelling it completely 😞. She's being horrible to me, telling me she won't come on holiday and saying I'm being selfish. My husband says he doesn't want to discuss it! As far as he's concerned we aren't changing the date as it isn't actually important or necessary for her to collect her results in person as she isn't going to uni. Does anyone have any advice or just something to make me feel better 😞

I think OP, reading between the lines, you are happy to stump up but your DH isn't and you are worried about the fallout of going against his wishes. You are emphasising how 'awful' she has been as a way of excusing your DH probably saying things like "Over my dead body are we moving dates" and knowing that you are now sort of having to pick between her and him.

You can acknowledge that your DD has been a bit of a brat and support your husband in attempts to persuade her to show manners and respect and ALSO defend her wish to be here for results day.

I don't think your view is coming into this, it's about managing that three way dynamic. Can you show your DH this thread so he understands that you are probably right to move dates and this doesns't mean you are 'rewarding' poor behaviour. And then maybe you and DH can have a conversation along the lines of "We are moving these dates because we understand the milestone ofo this day. However, we are asking you to equally recognise that we have been asking for you to make more effort. We are now demonstrating respect for you and expect some in return". Far more constructive than the arguing you describe.

FWIW We had a very similar year/dynamic a couple of years ago. I do understand.

Really? All mine celebrated with their friends all day, we only saw them late evening.
I thought that was the norm.

Fact is OP, you’ve booked a holiday for 3 adults and a child. You didn’t bother to check if all 3 of those adults are free on the dates you have booked before booking it. Your DH is now angry at the person who’s not free (and will be an adult then) for refusing to cancel their plans to fit in with yours.

Options: 1) OP pays the £320 to move to a date everyone in the family is available to go.

2. She forces the DD to go, risking a terrible atmosphere with a young adult who doesn’t want to be there and biggest risk, her not getting the grades and being angry at her parents for not giving her access to the school support available that day/day after.

3. The DD stays at home, gets her results and deals with any fall out from that alone. You don’t have a family holiday and aren’t with DD for her 18th. (On the upside, she’s got an empty party house).

There isn’t an option where you can convince DD she doesn’t care about A level results day and you haven’t fucked up by booking this without checking first she’s available. There’s no option to have a lovely happy family break on the dates you want to go.

So as what the OP wants isn’t an option, she and her DH have to make a choice from the options available.

when you say she didn’t bother to check the dates with the people coming, it was more like dd: mum can go away on holidya on my 18th birthday?
op, sure thing honey. Ok I’ve booked a week away over your 18th!
dd: great!
months later, dd: MUM YOU BOOKED A HOLIDAY OVER RESULTS DAY MOVE IT NOW

I think we can all see it’s not quite the same as ‘didn’t bother to check dates’

Is there not an airport closer to your home
she can fly to?

A lot of schools don’t do it online. It’s a really important day for some. For mine it was one of the most significant days of her life so far. Others I’m sure couldn’t really care less. Your DD seems to be saying it’s a big deal to her. I think you should change the holiday dates.

It really is a question of not checking dates. A few months ago she was sitting / preparing to sit her A Levels. Surely it would have been on the radar that results day was in August?
It depends on how close to August 14th the dd’s birthday is, I suppose.
It might have been possible to incorporate the birthday into the holiday and still not be away for results day.

Thank you @99bottlesofkombucha this is exactly what happened! I booked the holiday over 5 weeks ago making sure we were in the resort she asked for and over her birthday. Then I realise it's also A level results and now I'm feeling awful and she's cross 🤦🏻‍♀️

UPDATE!

Thank you to everyone for the replies, some more helpful and supportive than others 😜. I've spent all night/day stressing over it and after speaking with my DD we've decided to move the holiday and she is going to pay something towards the cost of it. I accepted responsibility for not checking the date but she has also been really quite horrible and said lots of very unkind things recently, not just about the holiday. I couldn't really live with myself if we were in the sunshine on results day as I know she'd be in a right mood. I've just told my husband I've paid and that I don't want to talk about it any more!! Now fingers crossed she starts being a bit more kind and less bratty or I won't let her go in the holiday she wanted in the first place 🤦🏻‍♀️🤣

now I'm feeling awful and she's cross

Don’t feel awful - it wasn’t deliberate! Does she show any signs of mellowing? Mine have sometimes been very riled about something, only for me to enquire a few days later as to their state of mind, to be informed that they’re not really that bothered!

X post! I see you’ve capitulated! Hope her attitude improves as a consequence, op! 🤞

If she can get what she wants by acting “bratty”, I’ll be surprised if she feels incentivised to be nice. That aside, I’m glad that you’ve arrived at a solution you’re happy with and that everyone can stop stressing.

I cannot believe you caved in to your totally entitled daughter’s demands. What a carry-on.

£320!!!

Right decision. It’s A level results day, it’s not bratty to want to be there.

That’s not why she’s being described as bratty.

How sad that a few marks are more important than a holiday. What have we done to our kids?!

What?

Surely she will stay at home. Personally I would cancel.

OP, people are giving you a really hard time for something thoughtful you planned. They (and your daughter) are not being reasonable. She's not going to uni this year and there is no urgency or worry about acceptance / clearing. Give yourself a break and enjoy your holiday.

Yabu

Seen the update - hope you get a good holiday and good results!

Thank you 🙏🏼 😊

Mmmmm I am sorry to say but I think you fucked up here by not checking this.

When my DD got her A-level results last year it wasn't just about going into college and getting the results. It was about meeting her friends and sharing in that experience together. They all met up outside and went and got their results and all opened them together. They then spent the day together celebrating the end of college life and their achievements by going to the beach for the day. There was also a party a little later that they all went to. So it might well be something like that for her too. No way will she want to miss out if she envisages her day being like that.

I think you may have to try and change the date.

I would have a word with your daughter OP, she has got her own way, but she can't be so rude to you.

Mine is doing GCSE’s and doesn’t want to go in, lots of her friends have older siblings and many were away for A-Level results day… I don’t know any schools that won’t email results if you are actually on holiday so it’s worth asking.. If she’s not even applied and therefore won’t have to go through clearing if things go wrong it seems neither here nor there whether she’s there on the day bar celebrations with friends.. Ask her to contribute 50% to the change cost and then see how important it really is!? 🤷‍♀️