Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much do you charge your over 16s/under 18s?

105 replies

atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 21:49

Hi all. To start off, I want to say that I never considered this (if you'd asked me a year ago I'd say I'd never charge, i'm of an ethnic background and while i helped my parents 20 yrs ago as a teen its not common to do this in my culture) until recently but I've been speaking to some friends... they're starting to charge their kids digs.

Son is turning 17 soon. He had issues with laziness before and had no goals for the future but he's really starting to thrive recently. He's in care at the moment, no abuse but because he was behaving violently at home due to disagreements about sexuality that we're now resolving. he's doing well bless him. Hes given enough money for fun and clothing ect and has plans for his future. Reunification and coming to live home is a possibility once when its safe for me and my daughter to have him back. He's going to start yr 12 soon and has been sending out applications for apprenticeships. He wants to work part time along this but Ive told him that I'm not sure if this is possible as my nephew tried the same and was unable to as per his rules for the apprenticeship. He's had a history of being sectioned from 14-15 when he was living at home (I involved CAMHS as soon as I could) but no MH diagnoses, CAMHS have finally discharged him recently and say that he's stable. No disabilities ect.

I visit him regularly. when he turns 17 it's likely that he'll either move to semi independant living or he'll come back home. I've told him that it's up to him but that I miss him and he's my son, ill be there for him and will respect where he chooses to go no matter what he decides.. But If he comes back home at 17.. what should I be charging him? I contributed from 16 after my dad passed and I had to take care of my mum, but I know that it's different these days so I don't know what would be too much and what would be unfair. Even charging a small amount seems like it would teach him to manage his money. Ive heard of some parents charging more and then not telling their teens that theyre going to return it when they're older, I think that's a brilliant idea. Im not sure what else parents in my situation are doing as none of my friends have had teens in care

OP posts:
PIayer456 · 15/08/2025 21:54

Surely your priority is making your son feel wanted in your home, and not like a paying guest?

Rainallnight · 15/08/2025 21:57

I think your focus should be on settling him in and re-establishing family relationships and communication. Money should be right at the bottom of the list.

MidnightPatrol · 15/08/2025 21:57

I personally think charging an under 18 rent and board to live in the family home (what income has he got anyway?) seems quite harsh.

I think the bigger question is moving him back in when there is a history of violence and a younger sibling there tbh.

TomatoSandwiches · 15/08/2025 21:58

I don't think it would be in his best interests to live with you anytime soon op, I'm quite astonished you are even thinking about what to charge your son for rent when he clearly has bigger problems to deal with.

When I was a care leaver I was put into supported accommodation and the landlady taught me things such as budgeting, that sounds like something your son would benefit from.

CandelabraCat · 15/08/2025 21:59

“due to disagreements about sexuality”? 😬

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/08/2025 21:59

Disagreements about sexuality?

Does this mean he is gay and your culture won’t allow that?

Icriedatakfcadvert · 15/08/2025 22:00

CandelabraCat · 15/08/2025 21:59

“due to disagreements about sexuality”? 😬

IKR?? 😯

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/08/2025 22:01

Just read your post again, OP.

Poor kid.

Starlight7080 · 15/08/2025 22:06

Im sure this person has posted before. Loads more to this situation.
Op maybe focus on them settling in and less about what money you can gain.
Personally I won't and dont charge my kids rent

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 22:09

Rainallnight · 15/08/2025 21:57

I think your focus should be on settling him in and re-establishing family relationships and communication. Money should be right at the bottom of the list.

Yes I 100% agree, thats my priority for us. This wasn't the first thing I considered when thinking about him returning.. its more of an afterthought.

OP posts:
Notagain75 · 15/08/2025 22:09

MrsSkylerWhite · 15/08/2025 21:59

Disagreements about sexuality?

Does this mean he is gay and your culture won’t allow that?

That is what I wondered. And OP what do you mean when you say you are resolving those issues?
Re your question about charging your teenager if he comes back to live with you. I have never charged my children anything and never would unless I had absolutely no choice because I couldn't afford to feed them, or pay the rent.

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 22:12

We've had several peaceful visits at his current placement, his former placement wasn't any good. Were now looking for experienced family therapists. I've apologised for my side of things. He's apologised for his violence and anger ect

I understand the sentiment about not charging rent and part of me agrees, the other part of me wants to support him in being a young adult

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 15/08/2025 22:15

Nothing. When he’s 18? Nothing.

CheeseWisely · 15/08/2025 22:15

atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 22:09

Yes I 100% agree, thats my priority for us. This wasn't the first thing I considered when thinking about him returning.. its more of an afterthought.

Show quote history

How can it be an afterthought when he hasn’t come home yet? If we’re reading between the lines correctly and he’s gay and you don’t agree with that then perhaps it is best that he stays elsewhere with more open minded people. I hope he can make a good go of life.

Rainallnight · 15/08/2025 22:15

atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 22:12

We've had several peaceful visits at his current placement, his former placement wasn't any good. Were now looking for experienced family therapists. I've apologised for my side of things. He's apologised for his violence and anger ect

I understand the sentiment about not charging rent and part of me agrees, the other part of me wants to support him in being a young adult

He’s a child, though.

HappySummerDays · 15/08/2025 22:22

How can he pay anything?
Will he be working? On benefits?

Original poster
atmywitsend1989 · 15/08/2025 22:23

When he gets a job and/or apprenticeship I mean ...

OP posts:
Minnie798 · 15/08/2025 22:24

He was sectioned at 14-15 years old and has been placed in care. Teaching him to manage his money and 'adult' can happen further down the line. He just needs love and support right now and for the relationship with his family to be rebuilt. Im surprised him paying keep is even on your radar tbh.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 15/08/2025 22:24

Work on his MH.
not a job right now

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 15/08/2025 22:25

I would park this to the side and focus on his MH , and review in baby steps

don’t run before you can walk

OldBeyondMyYears · 15/08/2025 22:26

Nothing! You charge him nothing!!

Hayley1256 · 15/08/2025 22:28

In this situation I wouldn't even be considering this. I hope you can focus on settling him back at home and year 12.

I don't plan to charge my DD anything until she's finished education but she will be expected to do chores, help with cooking etc when she's older. Maybe even a part time job depending on her studies.

caringcarer · 15/08/2025 22:30

I think he'd be better off staying in foster care ATM. He might need to explore his sexuality and not to be made to feel ashamed. Under 18's and anyone in education or apprenticeships should not be paying 'digs'. It reads like you want him back to earn you money.

charlieandthechocolatfactory · 15/08/2025 22:33

caringcarer · 15/08/2025 22:30

I think he'd be better off staying in foster care ATM. He might need to explore his sexuality and not to be made to feel ashamed. Under 18's and anyone in education or apprenticeships should not be paying 'digs'. It reads like you want him back to earn you money.

This is true

it sounds like you’re already putting him in a box based on your own expectations to try and mould him out of it.

this can lead to life long trauma and other problems

PistachioTiramisuLimoncello · 15/08/2025 22:33

You charge him nothing. You show him love. He’s your child.