How much do you charge your over 16s/under 18s?

[atmywitsend1989]

Hi all. To start off, I want to say that I never considered this (if you'd asked me a year ago I'd say I'd never charge, i'm of an ethnic background and while i helped my parents 20 yrs ago as a teen its not common to do this in my culture) until recently but I've been speaking to some friends... they're starting to charge their kids digs.

Son is turning 17 soon. He had issues with laziness before and had no goals for the future but he's really starting to thrive recently. He's in care at the moment, no abuse but because he was behaving violently at home due to disagreements about sexuality that we're now resolving. he's doing well bless him. Hes given enough money for fun and clothing ect and has plans for his future. Reunification and coming to live home is a possibility once when its safe for me and my daughter to have him back. He's going to start yr 12 soon and has been sending out applications for apprenticeships. He wants to work part time along this but Ive told him that I'm not sure if this is possible as my nephew tried the same and was unable to as per his rules for the apprenticeship. He's had a history of being sectioned from 14-15 when he was living at home (I involved CAMHS as soon as I could) but no MH diagnoses, CAMHS have finally discharged him recently and say that he's stable. No disabilities ect.

I visit him regularly. when he turns 17 it's likely that he'll either move to semi independant living or he'll come back home. I've told him that it's up to him but that I miss him and he's my son, ill be there for him and will respect where he chooses to go no matter what he decides.. But If he comes back home at 17.. what should I be charging him? I contributed from 16 after my dad passed and I had to take care of my mum, but I know that it's different these days so I don't know what would be too much and what would be unfair. Even charging a small amount seems like it would teach him to manage his money. Ive heard of some parents charging more and then not telling their teens that theyre going to return it when they're older, I think that's a brilliant idea. Im not sure what else parents in my situation are doing as none of my friends have had teens in care

I didn't want it for my benefit but for him. Maybe taking some and secretly saving it to give back. But you're right that it might be better to tell him to save some aside himself.

Ive heard that they're competitive. I had a call today from the care home and they've said that he's been looking online and for banners up outside relating to what he wants to do but he hasn't recieved any calls back yet. My thinking. Is that there's a higher chance of getting an apprenticeship when he starts college and the relevent courses? I didn't go through that route and I know it's different now so I'm unsure too

The taking the money and putting it away for your child only works if your relationship is already based in mutual trust built up over years. Yours isn't. It would frankly be weird and borderline abusive in this context, another example of manipulation and attempt to control.

Youre right. I'll stay in my lane

No fair play to you OP for being brave enough to post for opinions and to listen to the opinions - it used to be an idea that parents might charge their kids rent and give it back to them when they moved out but its an incredibly outdated idea.

Just reading a biography of the late Bill Hicks - when he was 17 his parents took him to a psychologist, after talking with his parents & Hicks separately, the psychologist told him

"You can come back if you want son - but its not you, its them"