Criticism of holiday choices - fed up!

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I have teenage girls aged 16 and 19. My 19 year old is at university so still comes on holiday with us, and besides, her younger sister wouldn’t be happy really to come away without her.

I spend a long time every year coming up with holiday ideas that won’t break the bank. We are supporting DD1 through university, which has included buying and insuring a car for her as well as paying all of her living costs. She costs us about £15k per year. We will embark on doing the same for DD2 in 2027, so we are constantly saving.

Despite this we’ve had great holidays - last year a Mediterranean cruise and this year two weeks in Greece. We also manage some city breaks in between, mainly to do something specifically cultural, for example we went to Germany when DD2 was studying German and we’ve been to Rome and Florence to look at art/archaeology for my elder daughter.

I have booked everything, always.

i personally love France because I speak French however we never go there because the rest of the family prefer other destinations, so I go for a long weekend to France every autumn with a good friend instead.

the reason I’m posting is because I’m constantly criticised. So for example I usually start looking for holiday inspiration around September time, and I try looking for perhaps an air bnb within budget, with air con and a decent pool. I read reviews to make sure the wifi works, I check that the property looks comfortable and there are things to do locally. It takes me ages to find something - usually because the price point isn’t right.

the criticism starts from the family because they see me ‘on my phone all the time’ and they accuse me of ‘looking at mumsnet and Facebook.’ In fact I’m often researching a holiday property for the following year. This is especially apparent if for example they are watching a film and they think I should be watching the same film but im
not interested so I start ‘scrolling my phone’ looking at air bnb.

they also accuse me of ‘looking at X or Y because you’re obsessed with that’ ( things related to my own interests) and yet they have their own interests that they are obsessed with, and this appears to be fine.

and then the arguments start. So this year I was planning Italy but my husband said he didn’t want to go there because the food is samey. I replied that our very fussy younger daughter would at least eat pasta and pizza, he scoffed. He offered no alternative suggestion because he has never, ever researched holidays. So we came to Greece and now he says it’s fine but maybe Italy would have been better. The property we are staying in is not within walking distance of the town, so if we go out at night then he has to drive, and he’s a bit sulky about that because he likes a drink. I don’t drive abroad, I don’t feel confident driving on the right.

last night we went for dinner as a family and left under a cloud after a disagreement on next years holiday. Both kids really want to
go to the Alps - which I’m really keen on - but I know they will also want to laze by a pool as well, and the alps doesn’t really fit with that.

So - I suggested a week in the alps followed by a week in an air bnb with a pool - in an adjacent country which will likely have hot weather. My suggestion was to fly in and out of Geneva as a base and spend the second week somewhere like Annecy. This led to a big stink about how ‘you always want to go to France and you’re just trying to get your own way.’

we have not been to France as a family since 2015 when we took the kids to Disneyland paris, which would not have been my choice.

I honestly felt so fed up last night. I don’t mind whether the second week is Italy or France or indeed Germany, but I think Annecy would be wonderful as it’s so pretty. My 16 year old announced she wanted to go to Germany because ‘why should we go to France just because you speak French? I speak German so let’s go there.’

I should add that 3/4 of the family speak French, it’s just that I’m most proficient. Nobody but DD2 speaks German.

DD2 also said she could ‘easily find an air bnb’ in Germany. Frankly, I’ll be astonished if she finds this ‘easy’ once I give her the parameters, so WIBU of this very fed up mum to give her a list of said parameters next month and tell her to fill her boots? I think it will stress her out, but perhaps she will learn a lesson and stop being so bloody ungrateful?

this is not the first time I’ve felt
fed up that my hard work is criticised - I think every year I tend to consider not booking anything for the following year - however I then panic that we won’t have a holiday. Last year’s cruise was a result of that!

sorry for the long post and thanks for reading. I feel like a travel agent who cannot seem to get anything right - and who books holidays for others which aren’t really the holiday she would choose for herself. How long until we can send them off together on some sort of package holiday? Does DD2 need to be 18?

I’m obsessed with the French Alps. We went camping there in 1981 and then I joined a friend on holiday in Annecy for 2 weeks when I was 16. It was fab and generally we spent a lot of time lazing round the pool or in the lake. Go for it!

We now holiday further south between Gap and Briancon, and the kids (similar ages) love it.

I always research and book our holidays and I agree, it's not easy!
I always book somewhere in a town, never anywhere that is isolated or requires a drive to get to restaurants etc. It works much better in the evening.
They said they wanted to go to the alps and I would go with your suggestion of Annecy. Ask them how much they mind about the pool if there isn't one - if they say they don't care then don't dwell on it any more. I'm doing something similar next week with my teen - there isn't a pool but incredible lakes and mountain scenery. If your teenagers aren't happy then I would go with your friend or DH and leave them to it!

Of course they do. And a full set of silver spoons.

As I say, the real world is going to eat the mollycoddled princesses alive.

Another vote for holidaying on your own. I highly recommend it!

No reason to not just go by yourself or with a friend or literally anyone who's a pleasant person.
The sulking, whining, entitled people can plan and book their own trip. They don't appreciate or respect you, so leave them to enjoy whining together.

This. They all sound like a bunch of spoiled primadonnas and you keeping pandering to them only makes them worse. You’re making a rod for your own back. You sound wonderful by the way but none of them appreciate you. People will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. Stop allowing it.

Let them sort their own holidays (and they can pay for them too!) Whoever pays chooses. No money, no holiday. Your eldest should be sorting her own holidays out. And if she tags along because a family holiday is free, she needs to learn to be grateful and understand that her opinion quite frankly doesn’t matter. If she doesn’t like the plan, she doesn’t have to come.

Plan a holiday to France with your friends. And go to France as often as you damn well want.

Kids wouldn't be coming!

That doesn't mean that you continue spoiling them. They should not be speaking to you like that. I would forget all of the city breaks etc, just book one holiday and if they are rude or disrespectful, it becomes no holiday. Does eldest child really need a car for university? Student accommodation is usually relatively close the university, or a reasonable bus or tram ride. The problem with threads like this is that OP wants advice but is missing/avoiding the real issue. She spoils her daughters, continues to spoil and indulge them but then complains that they are acting like spoilt children.

Not the point of the thread but any tips for saving when you go on all of these holidays!

You talk a lot about the effort you make to research and plan these holidays, but do you involve them? I don’t think we have ever booked a holiday without discussion about who fancies what and what the options are.

A cautionary tale for the kids from my parents' playbook.

We apparently (we have no memory of this but it came up last XMAS, we daughters are all now in our 40s) complained about going to France every year, albeit different places in France, staying in lovely gites. So one year we were taken camping in Wales. It seemed to rain constantly. I do remember that.

Apparently it was their revenge for our complaining and being ungrateful.

It was back to mainland Europe after that as they had suffered too to make a point that we didn't realise was being made. But putting a tent up in the rain was not fun....

I am at the point where it is literally impossible to find a holiday to suit everyone.
So we book places where the DC (21, 19) can easily get out and about on their own if that's what they want to do, with sightseeing, sunbathing and "relaxing but not in the sun" alternatives.

As soon as we took out the obligation for everyone to do everything with everyone, we find it works much better, and we appreciate our time together much more.

I would tell them all youre not booking it or organising this year due to everyone being annoying about it. Tell them the budget and let them organise a holiday themselves for you all. See what they come up with. Dont get involved, just go along and enjoy, or not depending on what they choose!
Organising a holiday is a lot of research and work and maybe they will realise this.

Both kids really want to go to the Alps - which I’m really keen on - but I know they will also want to laze by a pool as well, and the alps doesn’t really fit with that.

Try Austrian mountain lakes, they are gorgeous, there are usually thousands of hiking paths nearby, pleeeenty of holidays houses/appartments to rent (but you might need to look at regional websites offering accommodation than airbnb), very often some spa/leisure pools nearby, kayaking or other water sports and usually close enough to bigger cities like Salzburg to have a day trip if you are keen on historical monuments.

Yes totally agree on the Austrian Alps - you won't necessarily have a private pool but there are lots of amazing leisure pools there (which tbh your teens would probably prefer).

Austrian alps is a totally new idea to me and might well be a solution. For them.

I’ll obvs be in France

Tell them when they are paying for it, they can choose…
very ungrateful. Go without them!

This. They should wind their necks in.

My eldest was in her early 20s when she took her sister abroad for the first time, the younger one was 16. They've been away together for 3 consecutive years now

I think many people, mainly women, including me, have perfectionist, control freak tendencies. The modern world of a gazillion rentals, campsites, hotels etc... all available online with thousands of reviews makes decision making for those type of people incredibly time consuming and can become obsessive. Other people don't always understand that and think that done is better than perfect and consider the research an unnecessary faff.

I read your posts as being a bit obsessed with getting the 'perfect' holiday. There's no such thing. Kindly OP, you probably need to release a bit. Let your younger daughter have a look for a holiday and see what she comes up with.

Communication about these different styles can help massively, my husband knows how to joke, kindly, when I'm hyper focused on something rather than going on the attack but that has taken a lot of time and work to understand each other's mindset.

Alternatively, you could decide how they treat you is awful and go on your own holiday which I would also completely understand, they all sound like spoilt brats, including your husband.

Im struggling to feel sorry for you . You are being a doormat letting your children speak to you that way. And given the fact that you are paying for everything how do you expect the ADULT child to live an independent life? It’s parenting 101 FFS - consequences for bad behaviour.

We are currently in France on a Eurocamp holiday, I have found over the years that there is always a moan about whereever we go. Last year Minorca, which was mainly ok but they had a whinges about 10 days being to long for AI and other stuff, This year we are back in France as we needed a cheaper holiday after being in Rome at the start of July. All of a sudden last years holiday was the best holiday ever 🙄. They literally don’t understand how lucky they are to have to alwaye of had a decent Holliday abroad, even if it is just France 🙄

I would just book France and suggest they can stay home if they don’t like it. My 18yr old decided she was coming last week, my 14yr old keeps talking about how he’s been here so many times before, it’s boring but also he feels chilled here 🙄.

Both kids really want to go to the Alps - which I’m really keen on - but I know they will also want to laze by a pool as well, and the alps doesn’t really fit with that

It does fit with that. What a bizarre statement to make.
I live in Austria, there are lakes and pools everywhere, it's often hot (as in up to 30 degrees), then you're glad of forests to walk in, or getting a cable car up the mountain where it's cooler.
You could look at Salzkammergut, Zell am See, Salzburger Saalachtal. There's a guest mobility ticket for the whole of Land Salzburg which means public transport is free (parts of Salzkammergut NOT in Land Salzburg however), including transport from the airport. No need to have a car. Villages are walkable, no need to be in the middle of nowhere having to drive to have meals out.
There's also places in Tirol like the Stubai valley which is easily accessible from Innsbruck or in the Bavarian Alps Mittenwald is nice.
Bad Reichenhall is a nice spa town in Bavaria with thermal baths, cable car, close to Salzburg and plenty to do.

Have a look at some of those places. As a previous poster says you should look on the tourist office websites of the places you are interested in to search for holiday homes because Airbnb is restricted now (in Land Salzburg) and more and more people are deregistering Airbnb properties.

HOWEVER, your family are awful to you about you using your phone. They are also ungrateful about the holidays. And to be honest, I'd be tempted to say fuck it, I'm not organizing a holiday for the family this year - DH and the DDs can do it. And you take yourself off to France for a few days on your own.

I recognise this in myself and DH, I used to spend endless hours researching and resented him for not doing anything, although he never complained and neither did the DC (but they were always consulted from being tweens onwards and we wouldn't have booked anywhere we weren't all happy with, we might be paying but it's their holiday too). So a few times now I have just lobbed it over to DH who seems to find lovely places, book transport etc with remarkable ease, which has made me realise I was overthinking it all. We may not have got quite such good deals but we can make up for it by eating out more cheaply and we don't tend to do a lot of expensive activities.

Honestly I would focus on booking another long weekend with your buddy in France, let your OH and adult kids book the family holiday for one year. I can guarantee you, next years you’ll be booking it with no qualms from them.