DD has been in her room all summer holiday. What do I do?

[confusedmango]

My DD has not left her room the entire summer holiday. She is a teenager and has only come out to use the bathroom and things of that sort but apart from that she won’t come out. I’m starting to get worried as she doesn’t seem to be interested in her friends or her family. I’ve said to her I’ll take her on a day out somewhere but she has just screamed at me to get out. DS seems to be fine and goes out with his friends almost everyday but DD refuses to.
anyone going through something similar or have any ideas on what to do?

Do you have access to her phone, internet history? What are her usual hobbies and interests outside of school? Yes absolutely a cause for concern if she's not leaving her room or talking to you! Is she eating okay? Any exercise at all? What's she doing in there all day? Get docs appt as maybe mental health support needed.

How old is she? Is she talking to friends?
I must admit I’d be worried; would they want to stay up and have some 121 time perhaps watching a film?

How old is your DD?

How old?

it’s normal to not be interested in family stuff but I’d be more worried about not seeing friends.

Is she addicted to her smart phone?

What is she watching on phone etc? This would worry me.
Yes it's normal for teenagers to sleep more etc but it's not normal for them to hardly ever come out of their rooms. I would be worried that there's something going on

Has she left the house at all?
Do you know what she is doing?
Is she sleeping all day and up all night on her phone?

Well, it’s your house, @confusedmango - you don’t have to leave a room because a teenager screams.

How old is she?
I would be incredibly worried tbh.
You know her best, how out of character is this behaviour and how is your relationship with her generally?

What is she doing all day? Staying in her room all the time isn’t good either way but it’s different if she’s happy reading or gaming than if she’s sitting there being bored and miserable.

I went through this with DD2, she’s starting to come out the other side now but it’s been very difficult. I would recommend mental health support as soon as you can, don’t just hope the problem goes away.

You asked what you should do.

What I would do is immediately check her phone/devices to see what she's watching/accessing. Put parental controls on and screen time limits ie 2 hrs per day and lock at 9pm.

Ascertain whether there are any mental health issues at play.

I would plan activities to make sure she is out of the house + outdoors each day.

Well, I don't know how old she is and that's obviously relevant.
I would refrain from forcing.
We were brought up in a very strict manner (my generation) and as soon as it was possible, I was out of there with a very low contact.
Happy in life, too.

Didn’t the summer holidays only start a few days ago? She’s a teenager, she’s going to want to wallow 🤷🏻‍♀️

When you say the whole summer holiday....
Didn't they break up like yesterday? Maybe Wednesday?!

I wouldn't be worried at this point... after 6 weeks yes, but 2 days?!

I’m in Scotland so the holidays started in June.

As above...aren't we only a week into summer holidays?
Maybe she just needs that downtime.

Turn the WiFi off and leave it off all summer until she learns some manners.

How old is she?

How old? What did she do in the last holiday? Can she easily get to meet her friends under her own steam?

My DC do this unless they have a planned activity with friends, but they tend to have lots of planned activities with friends. They would not be keen on a "day out" with family. Can you suggest going to coffee and cake (or whatever might appeal to her) just the two of you?

Have you spoke to her since she went mental at you for offering a day out? How old is daughter? Does she usually behave like this? Has anyone else in house spoken to her to see how she is and what's going on in her life?

What about eating?

It does sound quite concerning. My DD had a summer holiday where she didn't go out as much as I would have liked when she was around 14/15. Friends were all abroad or she was not getting on so well with some of them. But she did not stay in her room all the time, or be on her phone all the time. She did go out sometimes I think I really wanted her out from under my feet too much probably!

She's the most sociable person in the world now, btw.

You have to find a way to talk to her OP. It isn't normal, it is very worrying. You could force the issue by turning off the WIFI.

How old is she? Did she used to go out with friends a lot? Has she fallen out with her friends or drifted apart from them? Is she talking to her friends online but just not going out with them?

Offer for her to invite friends over during the day or for a sleepover.
Offer for her to walk up to the shop with you and pick some treats for a movie night.
Go and sit with her and ask to join in with what she's doing in her room.
Ask for her help planning some gardening and see if she'll do it with you.

This sounds more like depression than usual teenager levels of isolation.

This^

Is she normally interested in spending time with friends and family? What I’m getting at, is does this represent a change in behaviour, or is she a massive introvert who quite likes her alone time?