DD has been in her room all summer holiday. What do I do?

[confusedmango]

My DD has not left her room the entire summer holiday. She is a teenager and has only come out to use the bathroom and things of that sort but apart from that she won’t come out. I’m starting to get worried as she doesn’t seem to be interested in her friends or her family. I’ve said to her I’ll take her on a day out somewhere but she has just screamed at me to get out. DS seems to be fine and goes out with his friends almost everyday but DD refuses to.
anyone going through something similar or have any ideas on what to do?

Noone is not a word. It's no one. But yes, I agree!

It's tough when your little girl or boy reaches puberty & starts to withdraw from you & their family. However it's a natural part of nest leaving.

I often think that we make it more difficult for our youngsters these days. My father was given the choice of continuing with Grammar School or leaving & taking an apprenticeship at 14. He chose the apprenticeship & at 14 was employed as an apprenticed electrician to the local electricity board. The thought of a 14 year old dealing with electrics (even under supervision) makes me sweat!

I think for various <good> reasons (high rents, low wages etc) we keep children at home & (at least partially) dependent for far longer than is good, or desirable, for them thus infantilising them. I left home to go to University at 18 & never returned to live there permanently.

The Op is in Scotland, we are at least 4 weeks in

As others have said this isn't normal behaviour. Yes a lie in, yes chill time all fine but not to spend weeks in a bedroom without interacting. She's either depressed, anxious or maybe being bullied.

Take all tech away and return on condition that she does one activity a day even if that is just shopping with you or visiting family.

Don't put up with her screaming at you. Yes she is maybe masking wellbeing issues but put your foot down at screaming.

She really needs some exercise, that’s far too sedentary

Is there anywhere out side Englishshire?! We’ve been suffering summer holiday hell since the end of June. Ireland maybe longer! …and all those other countries around the world where you could be potentially posting from🤣

Not RTFT, I’d turn off the wifi and tell her she’s cooking dinner tonight for everyone.

That would help a lot.

Agreed. Plus exercise/just getting out and about walking outdoors is proven to help improve mental health

Oh I hope you don’t have a power cut mid afternoon which will mean than you have to all walk to the local pub/cafe/pizza place for dinner. And imagine if it turned out that someone had accidentally flicked the switch on the fuse box and it wasn’t a power cut after all.

Does she come out of her room at all or do you mean she won’t go out the house? My 16 year old son has to be dragged out the house as he is a home body . He does however come out of his room. Are you allowing her to have dinner in her room as I’d stop that straight away.

Wanting to stay in the bedroom the entire time apart from visits to the bathroom and for food-related reasons is probably fairly normal for teens, and tolerable.

Screaming at your parent to 'get out' is not tolerable and for me, that would be the point where the behaviour crossed the line from being acceptable to unacceptable.

Not being with parents is normal and healthy. Staying in their room 24/7 is not normal.
Maybe a coincidence but spending hours alone online could be a contributing factor to mental health issues in teens. Yes they need more sleep and their brains are re-wiring but that re-wiring should be wanting to be with friends and being out of the house being more independent NOT spending 6 weeks alone in their bedroom!
Too many teens do zero exercise and it does impact on mental well being.

That would be near impossible without a lengthy waiting period sadly.

I would say CAMHS get more referrals for 15 year olds than any other age if it’s any reassurance. Lots of reasons but a common thread is dread of GCSEs coming down the track. Definitely talk to her GP.

My DS (15) did this last summer - but the weather wasn’t great so I kind of let it slide. I was pretty strict this time and said he had to get a job. He’s working 3-4 days a week at a local restaurant / visitor centre and absolutely loves it. He wasn’t sure about it but it’s helped his social skills so much already.
We do one trip out a week together (me and 2 dc) and some walks / beach time and the rest of the time I let him do his own thing which is usually sleeping or gaming!
DD(13) is much more sociable and has spent a lot of time looking after her 1yo cousin and hanging out with me. She heads to her room when we get back from an outing for a couple hours to chill and that’s nice as I get some downtime too!

Nope. For some of us we are three and a half weeks into the summer holidays! Mine go back mid August!

Been out for weeks, been driven demented thanks because of it!🤣

Definitely hasn't just started for many in Scotland...

THEY ARE IN SCOTLAND!!! (Sorry for shouting, but I hope all the people posting about how the schools only just broke up, will read it).
Scottish schools broke up in JUNE!

Many on MN are just blinkered to their London/SE existence and can't imagine anything outside of that

The situation would be the same if the op was not in Scotland, it would just start and finish later.

Seriously you’ve no idea what she has done, posts like shouldn’t be allowed. A mum comes on asking for support and she’s met with judgement and criticism, there’s no need, why post?

We are 5 weeks in

I am currently on the countdown to schools going back...