Very very tall daughter

[BadAtTecnology35]

My DD12 (13 next month) is now over 6'5 and almost 6'6. How do I help her with this?
I am 6'2 and DH is 6'4 but she's just that bit taller. DS who's 11 is only 5'4 for comparison.

Everyone always mentions it everywhere she goes and that's before they realise her age cause she looks older. Teachers, friends, everyone.

She's quite slim build and has size 14 feet (i know). She used to not mind her height but now she's getting to be the tallest boy or girl in her whole school, I'm hearing more comments about how she hates it.

Will she grow much more? How can I help her build confidence up?

Want to clarify, we've been doctors and no hormone issue/ disease

Agree with all of this. ^ People saying she could be a model don't know what they're talking about. Not only do you need to look a certain way, but 6 ft 6 or more will be classed as too tall for the vast majority of model agencies.

Typical height of a (female) fashion model is 5 ft 9 to 5 ft 11. Not 6 ft 6! That will be too tall. 6 ft 6 is way too tall to fit sample size clothing, which makes runway and high fashion (as well as commercial fashion.) The OP's daughter being a fashion model is out of the question.

You can also be too tall for some sports. Just saying 'meh don't worry she can be a basketball player or a netball player' are being ridiculous. And even if she did want to play basketball (or netball!) some very tall people can struggle with footwork and agility. So it's ludicrous to suggest that just because she's tall, she'll be a cracking netball player! (Or basketball player!)

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It's difficult, your child is different, tall, short, red head, thin, fat, clever. You just have to say it's alright to be different. And she doesn't have to be a netball/basketball player! She can be a rocket scientist or anything else she wants her height doesn't define her.

I'm tall too - though a good few inches shorter than your dd.

And oh my god I hate all the modelling /basketball/netball shit!

Modelling agencies want pretty girls of slightly above average height, not gawky awkward giants with stoops.

And I hate sport and would hate sport no matter what height I was. Boring, competitive, outdoors, sweaty. Altogether unpleasant.

I find yoga tremendously helpful for managing backpain (more common among very tall people) and helping with posture to counter the tendency to stoop.

I can't help on shoes, I have average sized feet.

But for clothing I suggest the two of you learn how to sew together and make your dd some lovely, stylish clothes that fit her properly. That or invest in getting some clothes tailored for her. Constantly having trousers flap round your calves is rubbish.

A few people have suggested trying to halt her growth. In her shoes, I think I'd definitely want to explore that as an option. I'm only about 6 inches above average height. Your dd has another 6 inches on me.

I put the situation into chat gtp for curiosity, and asked for an assessment of the likelihood that it was because of natural genetics (having given the parents height) or a medical cause. It estimated a less than 5% likelihood of it being tall genes, and 95% it having a medical cause instead. Given that some of these medical causes can cause other health problems, it's absolutely vital that everything is checked thoroughly, maybe getting a second opinion.

It's literally a 1 in 3 million height for women. Salt a medical cause is overwhelmingly the most likely cause.

There’s an episode of kylie kelces podcast with Michelle Obama. They both talk about being tall and how advantageous it was. I would check it out

Have you been to the Netherlands in the last 20 years? It's not about the average, it's about outliers. With an average height of 169.3 cm (6.9cm taller than the UK at 162.4 cm) the outliers will also be taller. You wouldn't see them represented in an average, but you would see them in a scatter plot (though no such data is available from CBS, the Dutch stats institute), or to a degree in a bell curve/normal distribution. They'll be the top 0.5% in the Netherlands, but probably less than 0.1% in the UK.

It's called The Netherlands btw, not Holland. It's like England and the UK - part of it, not the entirety.

Again, I don’t think anyone is saying she has to play basketball!

Just – here’s a thing she might be good at (bc she is tall) – yes she might not be very coordinated or fast but yunno, she might. And rowing is another suggestion of something she might like and be good at and where her height would be more usual. Remember the 2012 Olympics – an ad was put put saying "are you female, fit and 6ft+?" and we got lots of great rowers who won gold medals.

And also to repeat @BadAtTecnology35 I would push for a specialist diagnosis. Mt v tall DS has a very unusual condition and it was not diagnosed until he was about your DD's age as the GPs who saw him were not aware of it.

Stephen Merchant who is 6'7 has written about how being tall can actually be very difficult.

You're still not getting it. She's not 1 in a thousand (0.1%) and nowhere on the planet would she be 1 in 200.

She's 1 in 3 million.

If it were the other direction, and she was 3 foot 5 (an average 4 year old child), would people be so chilled and think it was natural genetics? Because they are the same percentage likelihood.

For the people that are critical of the idea of her growth being stopped, would you also be critical with the idea of someone having growth hormones so they didn't stay the size of a 4 year old?

OP,

1. Did you get at least a second opinion and also a third opinion on DD's unusual growth? Did you go to a paediatric endocrinologist specialist? If not, go asap. Look internationally as well. Children's Hospital of Philadelphia, Johns Hopkins Children’s Center and Boston Children’s Hospital are internationally renowned and can diagnose and treat rare/complex conditions that others can't.

2. Basketball is a sport where her height will be perceived as a positive and is a good team sport. It also gives her scholarship opportunities if it turns out she is good at this sport. If she is game to try, IMHO, encourage her.

3. Find a good tailor/dressmaker. A lot of clothing for her age may not be available in her size and having someone who she is comfortable with to tailor clothes to her size is good. Ditto for shoes...get a good cobbler as she may need bespoke.

4. Her knee joints have a lot of body to support. Get referrals to a paediatric orthopaedist and a paediatric rheumatologist so they can get a baseline scan in as soon as possible.

5. Give her lots of love and let her know it is ok to sometimes feel awkward and out of place. But you love her just as she is and to you she is perfect.

Good luck OP.

Why do people keep suggesting the OP pushes her daughter into basketball?

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@Babyboomtastic

For the people that are critical of the idea of her growth being stopped, would you also be critical with the idea of someone having growth hormones so they didn't stay the size of a 4 year old?

Exactly. The poor child needs medical intervention. Being 6 ft 6 at 13 years of age is extremely worrying.

I don’t disagree with you. People are judged on their appearance - of course they are. And yes, it’s very upsetting when they do.

You had/have a condition and I’m very glad for you that you get the meds you needed.
OP’s dd does not have a condition. She is tall and that is it. She doesn’t as a healthy tall girl need to take meds to stop her growing in the hope people won’t judge her appearance. It’s obtuse and patronising to suggest she should take meds for that purpose. Of course it’s not prejudiced to want the best for your kid. But it is prejudiced to suggest and actively stop people from growing tall for no other reason than how people will view them. Tall people exist and that’s ok.

I know you mean well but being a 5’2” curvy woman is very very very normal. I don’t think it’s at all comparable to standing out as a 6’6” 23 year old girl, I think it would be hard for most people to imagine the attention this gets.

And not 6’6”.

in really wonder if realise how patronising they are being

I agree.

I think that she just has to own it and accept she’ll get daily comments. My 17yo dd is “only” 6ft2in but she has grown half a centimetre in the last 2 years. (Period from 12). So yes your dd could grow a bit more. I was surprised to find that my dd had grown a tiny bit.

It's sadly far.more likely that the medical condition has been missed/not checked for yet.

There's tall, and there's possibly going to set the UK record tall.

It's vitally important that she is very thoroughly checked over. If you look at the Wikipedia list of tallest women, it's terrifying her many live v short lives (20-40's) because of their health condition causing the height or because of the physical strain their bodies are under. Even if it is just tall genes, it's going to be placing increased strain on her heart, joints etc and might need more frequent health checks. Better to be safe when it comes to health.

This child is 6ft 6 and possibly not stopped growing. This is not just a bit tall it's well outside the standard deviation curve for female height. In my medical opinion I would say that statistically it's likely that there is something medical going on. Even if there isn't the challenges she will face are pretty huge. As well as socially the difficulty buying clothes etc has been touched upon. Sorry but if it was my child I'd be pushing as high as I can for tests and I'd be giving my daughter the choice to accept treatment to slow down growth if it was deemed safe and appropriate. I think lots of people don't really fully understand how outlying 6 ft 6 is for a girl. I mean the actress who played tall girl was only 6 ft 2 and she was bullied mercilessly on the show Dance Moms as a kid for being too tall.

There is a movie on Netflix called Tall girl. It’s quite empowering and touched on things your daughter may be feeling. I would recommend.

Please don’t force her into sports or those where height is perceived as an advantage. It’s perfectly possible to be in a sport where height is perceived as an advantage but still be rubbish at it and not enjoy it! If she wants to do such sports - but do t push her

Height is not generally considered a advantage for rock climbing. Not saying she shouldn’t take it up - but average/below average height tends to give a competitive advantage

Yes, it’s extreme compared to the general population. If you factor in the height of parents, it is not an extreme deviation. Her predicted height based on her mother and father’s height is 6’ 3”. So I’d question your medical opinion. Yes, clothing is a challenge, people are a challenge, doesn’t mean you have to change your natural self.

I’ve watched v tall members of my family work through this in life. One of them is a 6’4” female, and she’s wonderful in every way. I won’t have it that she, the rest of my fam or OP’s DD is medical case for being v tall, when that has already been ruled out and they are otherwise healthy.

I agree, that coupled with the fact she’s taller than her father, that’s very unusual for a girl, girls are usually shorter than their fathers even if the mother is taller than the father, of course there will be some women who are taller than their fathers but that coupled with the extreme height would make me concerned there was an underlying medical condition.

No, it is an extreme deviation. It doesn't seem like it because it's 'only' a few inches, but it is. There are formula used to calculate likely heights of children based on their parents height, and she is way outside those estimates.