Very very tall daughter

[BadAtTecnology35]

My DD12 (13 next month) is now over 6'5 and almost 6'6. How do I help her with this?
I am 6'2 and DH is 6'4 but she's just that bit taller. DS who's 11 is only 5'4 for comparison.

Everyone always mentions it everywhere she goes and that's before they realise her age cause she looks older. Teachers, friends, everyone.

She's quite slim build and has size 14 feet (i know). She used to not mind her height but now she's getting to be the tallest boy or girl in her whole school, I'm hearing more comments about how she hates it.

Will she grow much more? How can I help her build confidence up?

Want to clarify, we've been doctors and no hormone issue/ disease

You have to be tall t be a model….might help?

I don’t deny your empathy, but hazard you don’t mix it up yourself. Just because you’re tall too doesn’t meant you can’t be prejudiced yourself. Suggesting this kid gets meds to alter her natural being to be more acceptable to others is prejudiced.

The average height in Holland for women is just under 5’7”. The OPs dd is closing in on 6’6”. In Holland she will still be extraordinarily tall.

people mean well but are spouting nonsense. OP your dd is extraordinarily tall. She will always be extraordinarily tall and it’s good she so far is happy and not overly concerned.

People saying that their son is 6’4” or their dd is 6’ seem to have no idea of the chasmic difference this is to a 6’6” woman.

I do think the suggestion that she looks at sports that favour height is a good one less about the sport. Mainly because it will be good for her to be around other very tall women even though she will likely still tower over them. But at least being around 6’ women will make her feel less of an outlier.

so far you’ve said she is slender and you’ll have an idea of her final build by looking at you and your dh. It’s harder for very tall women if they are also of broad build as then they often feel just enormous. There is no question she will be singled out for her height all her life, will struggle with clothes and shoes and airplane seats and a while bunch of things but hopefully she will embrace her uniqueness

OP look up Lexie Crist. She is 6’6” and has been active on social media.

for people who think it’s just tall, this is 6’6”

Does she play sport? She could have a fantastic advantage at some sports which could even become a career!

I know a woman who was very shy as an early teen and struggled with her height. However, she got used it is as she matured. She got snapped up by a rowing team and did very well. I would try to find a positive like that for her.

I was 4 ft 7 when I was diagnosed with my condition at age 16. I was offered and accepted growth hormone and grew to 5 ft 2. This few extra inches in height has made a huge difference to my confidence not to mention my ability to manage practically. People are judged based on appearance. That's a fact of life. It's seriously obtuse and patronising to suggest otherwise. It isn't prejudiced to want your child to have the best chance at a happy and succesful life.

@Firefly1987 Yes actually. My siblings and I are all taller than both of our parents. When I was looking for a partner to have children with I didn’t date anyone over 6ft tall to try to avoid having an extremely tall child. I distinctly remember dating a boy who was 6ft 4 when I was a teen and my grandma taking me to one side and telling me I must not get pregnant because the baby would be a giant. Stuck with me. I’m 5ft 10 and my daughter’s dad 5ft 9. Dd 12 is still the very tallest in her class tall at about 5ft 4 but I’d be surprised if she ended up taller than me. Two sets of tall genes is very much a recipe for an excessively tall child.

She would make a fantastic tennis player. Some of the best women's players are over 6ft and its a huge advantage.
Maris Sharapova was 6ft 2, Venus Williams 6ft 1and current players Aryna Sabalenka, Karolina Pliskova and Victoria Azarenka are all 6ft+.
They are strong, gorgeous athletic women.

I agree actually. Surely a 6ft3 lad is tall? Like I say, DS is the same height as the OP’s DD and he gets comments all the time – he is clearly seen as being tall.

Sorry I know people mean well but comments like "everyone will soon catch up" are not really helpful. I don’t know anyone who is as tall as DS (apart from him obvs) and neither does he. Yes of course there are other people that tall but it really is not that common. That’s something she will have to accept – and of course it is fine to be tall, taller than most other people you know even.

My children aren’t as tall as your daughter but they are taller than average. DD is 5’10” and DS is 6’4” I can’t tell you what we did except reinforce how lovely and tall they were. Both of them have completely embraced their height. DD is all legs and looks amazing in a short skirt or shorts, totally owned being taller than all her friends at school who were all about 5’4”. And on holiday earlier this month DS was on a sunlounger and agreed to join the water volleyball game and when he got into the pool it was like something out of Gullivers Travels, one of the players said how they hadn’t realised how tall he was. That said he was rubbish at the game. As you and their father are both tall all I can suggest is accentuate the positives.

I'm almost 6 foot and my husband is 6 foot 3... my boys are very tall for their age but it never occurred to me to try to avoid that. The older one is brilliant at sport (helped by his size) and loves being tall.

Totally agree with this. I actually think I’d find it so much more depressing that the “positive” most people seem to be able to find is potentially being good at sodding netball.

I agree with everything you've just said. I'm 'only' 6 foot and even then am always the tallest woman in any room... apart from in my netball league. That's where the tall women hang out! Nobody 6 foot 6, but certainly some women 6 foot plus. Female height is normalised and celebrated more in sport than anywhere else.

@surreygirl1987 they’re boys though. Being tall is much less of an issue for men. It’s mostly seen as a positive. People banging on about models etc are being daft. Models need more than just height. You also have to be willowy and beautiful.

It's not about the sport per se. It's about celebrating height, and nowhere else is female height celebrated more, or more desirable, than in competitive sport. It's empowering.

And nobody is suggesting she is forced into playing netball if she doesn't want to, fgs. But if she is remotely interested - and the OP says she does play a bit of netball already - then it might be good for her self esteem.

Have she been seen by a doctor to rule out any genetic problems eg Marfans.
It most likely isn't but it's worth checking as the earlier it's diagnosed the better.
We have the genes in our family - 2 of my uncles are affected.

Oh I TOTALLY agree. My post about my boys was in response to the poster who said she actively set out to marry a shorter man to avoid having very tall children. I pointed out it didn't even occur to me (I obviously didn't know I'd have 2 boys and 0 girls!).

I'm not sure who you're referring to re modelling comments as I don't believe I've mentioned modelling... but fwiw models don't have to be beautiful. I did some modelling years ago and I'm not hideous but definitely not beautiful! 😅

Yeah this. ^ All the 'she could be a model/basketball player/netball player - any amazing sports person' comments are not really helpful. This girl is unusually tall. Nearly 6 ft 6 at 13 is not normal for anyone really, let alone a girl. And her feet are a size 14! I think a GP referal is needed for a specialist. Also, there's no guarantee she will be any good at any sport either!

@BadAtTecnology35 Please push for a specialist appointment for your daughter. This is not normal for her to be this tall. Even if you and your DH are. Girls are rarely taller than their father.

Insist she stands up straight OP - my DH and his two cousins (one female, one male) are all over 6 foot 6 inches and all three have a hump effect to their upper shoulders and neck as 40-somethings from trying to appear smaller/hunching over since puberty. It's really unattractive to look at and causes them neck/shoulder/back pain.

Tell her she should be proud of her height and own it like a queen.

This. A lot of the ‘it’s fine!’ comments are quite unhelpful to be honest. I am 5ft 10 and am taller than most women I know. Yes, there are obviously some very tall women, but a 6ft 6 12 year old girl who hasn’t stopped growing must surely be so unusual as to be completely unheard of. I would definitely be investigating any possible hormonal or genetic cause.

Yeah but the height is still extremely unusual for a girl-even with tall parents. I think it'd make more sense for the son to be very tall but the daughter not much taller than mum. Ofc we don't know how tall son will be yet. I actually get not wanting a too tall man though-I'm "only" 5'8 and I would avoid having kids with a tall man too. Most of them seem to prefer petite women anyway..

This does sound characteristic of Marfans.

OP said her hormones had been checked but has the doctor checked for Marfans? It would need a specialist genetic test something a GP wouldn't be able to do.

We have it in my family. It's very difficult to diagnose in childhood & becomes obvious in late teens/ early adulthood.

It's a rare condition but early diagnosis helps prevent associated heart & joint problems.

Is she large in proportion (sorry if that sounds derogatory) or is she very slim with very long arms & legs & unusually long fingers & toes but more normal torso - that's very characteristic of Marfans

You need a referral to a specialist, maybe even in London, to check what's going on.

This is not normal and if she keeps growing it will be very hard for her.

Yes I totally agree with that

Me too.