Daughter unlikely to pass her A levels

FavouritePJs · 2025-05-15T22:27:43+00:00

my DD has always struggled at school and just managed to scrape 5 GCSE passes to enable her to be accepted into 6th form college. She works really hard, has great attendance, fully engages in lessons, does her homework and currently is doing nothing but revise, however, based on all the previous papers that she has completed in lessons and her mocks, she’s on course to fail badly. One of her courses is a BTEC which she has passed with distinction but the exam side of things just doesn’t work for her. She’s just sat with me absolutely distraught as all of her friends are smart and she can’t face results day when they will be celebrating, she feels embarrassed and ashamed. We obviously support her unconditionally but how do I help her deal with the way she is feeling? I know as parents we always want to make everything better but I’m struggling with how to do this. Thankfully she decided long ago that uni was not for her at this stage in her life so she isn’t worried about that, but I don’t want her to feel stupid/embarressed/ashamed/failure - her words not mine. Has anyone else been through this with their child?

verycloakanddaggers · 15/05/2025 23:33

Firstly you should be able to collect her results on her behalf (ask her college) and bring them home to open in private.

Secondly start talking now about what she'll do next if she gets the results she expects.

Give her the freedom to manage her expectations how she wants to. Ultimately she'll either be right or pleasantly surprised.

And ask her what help she wants from you.

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2025 23:36

I would arrange to "be on holiday" for results day and ask the school to email them so she has a valid reason to tell her friends she won't be there to collect them. Then if they ask what she got or how she did she can simply answer I got what I expected to get if she doesn't want to say what she did get. They are her results so her choice whether she wishes to disclose them.

Obviously this is if this is what she would like to do.

RosesAndHellebores · 15/05/2025 23:37

@FavouritePJs as kindly as possible, if she scraped five GCSE's despite commitment, this surely can't be a great surprise.

Why did she take A'Levels and what are her longer term aspirations?

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 23:45

The adults around her set her up to fail when they didn't warn her off A levels

Mamadothehump · 15/05/2025 23:47

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 23:45

The adults around her set her up to fail when they didn't warn her off A levels

This

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 15/05/2025 23:48

1SillySossij · 15/05/2025 23:45

The adults around her set her up to fail when they didn't warn her off A levels

Thanks for the constructive feedback 🙄

OP posts:

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 15/05/2025 23:53

RosesAndHellebores · 15/05/2025 23:37

@FavouritePJs as kindly as possible, if she scraped five GCSE's despite commitment, this surely can't be a great surprise.

Why did she take A'Levels and what are her longer term aspirations?

We and she hoped that by doing her chosen subjects she would not face the same difficulties she did in school. She would have preferred BTECs but this was only available for one of her subjects and she has excelled with that. She would like an apprentice (rare as hens teeth I know). She currently has a part time job and will keep busy and earn some money for now.

OP posts:

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 15/05/2025 23:55

Can I just add, I haven’t come on here to face criticism for a decision she made to attend 6th form, she had the grades and the aspiration and it was her right to try. I am asking how to help her. Thank you to those who have answered kindly and without judgement.

OP posts:

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 16/05/2025 00:02

RosesAndHellebores · 15/05/2025 23:37

@FavouritePJs as kindly as possible, if she scraped five GCSE's despite commitment, this surely can't be a great surprise.

Why did she take A'Levels and what are her longer term aspirations?

Also to add, she hated school and wasn’t committed , didn’t try and was quite lazy, we hoped 6th form would work better for her. It did in terms of her enjoyment and she has given it her all, but is not getting the results she’s worked so hard for.

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StevesLavaChicken · 16/05/2025 00:11

I think it’s a process of building. There are things that you’re unconsciously and consciously taught at GCSE level and it’s a climbing frame of sorts. If that wasn’t achievable for whatever reason, just scraping by, it’s understandable that A Levels haven’t worked out from only putting the effort in then. At A level kids are treated more like adults, which might explain why it’s worked out better for her to go through. But if the block isn’t there to build on further it’s setting up for further failure from a missed educational step. This isn’t a criticism of her at all. Unfortunately it’s just how the bloody system works.

middleeasternpromise · 16/05/2025 00:15

Apprenticeships are much more common than you may think. They also release throughout the year rather than following the academic year. A top tip is to create a spreadsheet and apply to as many as possible. They are perfect for people who learn better in applying knowledge to practice. Linkedin and Tik Tok are good places to find out information - search by apprenticeships

TizerorFizz · 16/05/2025 00:24

@StevesLavaChicken What “system” of education doesn’t work like this? It all does!

Being constructive I really would look at apprenticeships. Not sure about level, but don’t reach for the sky. Be realistic. I’d also do a Morrisby test as a pointer towards careers she might enjoy. Aside from academics, what does she like to do? Anything that looks like an obvious career? What were the A levels meant to lead to? Take a step back and start lower down the ladder. There’s still careers she can do but being realistic is sensible now as she doesn’t want to fail again. Find success!

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 16/05/2025 00:25

middleeasternpromise · 16/05/2025 00:15

Apprenticeships are much more common than you may think. They also release throughout the year rather than following the academic year. A top tip is to create a spreadsheet and apply to as many as possible. They are perfect for people who learn better in applying knowledge to practice. Linkedin and Tik Tok are good places to find out information - search by apprenticeships

Edited

Thank you, they are good suggestions . She would like an apprenticeship and this is definitely a better fit for her. I’ll speak to her about how to move forward with this.

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StevesLavaChicken · 16/05/2025 00:28

TizerorFizz · 16/05/2025 00:24

@StevesLavaChicken What “system” of education doesn’t work like this? It all does!

Being constructive I really would look at apprenticeships. Not sure about level, but don’t reach for the sky. Be realistic. I’d also do a Morrisby test as a pointer towards careers she might enjoy. Aside from academics, what does she like to do? Anything that looks like an obvious career? What were the A levels meant to lead to? Take a step back and start lower down the ladder. There’s still careers she can do but being realistic is sensible now as she doesn’t want to fail again. Find success!

….which is the basis of what I said… I didn’t say any other way could be different, very clearly

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 16/05/2025 00:33

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2025 23:36

I would arrange to "be on holiday" for results day and ask the school to email them so she has a valid reason to tell her friends she won't be there to collect them. Then if they ask what she got or how she did she can simply answer I got what I expected to get if she doesn't want to say what she did get. They are her results so her choice whether she wishes to disclose them.

Obviously this is if this is what she would like to do.

Edited

She will be able to view her results on the college app initially so thankfully this will be private. Thank you for the suggestion to tell her friends her results were as expected, I don’t think her friends would push her any further on this and it will give her some breathing space.

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Lifeissodifficult · 16/05/2025 00:38

My DD avoided social media and had no contact with any of her friends for about 3 weeks after A Levels.

It protected her , and gave her time to cry, receive TLC and think about her next steps.

We contacted school as soon as her results came in so that they could also support her ( which they did).

Take a day at a day time - reassure her that she is not on her own and things WILL work out.
It is so easy for them to think that their life is on a precipice and really it isn’t. They need reminding of that .

Things have worked out really well for our DD - last August was so distressing, but she is in a happy place now .

Original poster

FavouritePJs · 16/05/2025 00:46

Lifeissodifficult · 16/05/2025 00:38

My DD avoided social media and had no contact with any of her friends for about 3 weeks after A Levels.

It protected her , and gave her time to cry, receive TLC and think about her next steps.

We contacted school as soon as her results came in so that they could also support her ( which they did).

Take a day at a day time - reassure her that she is not on her own and things WILL work out.
It is so easy for them to think that their life is on a precipice and really it isn’t. They need reminding of that .

Things have worked out really well for our DD - last August was so distressing, but she is in a happy place now .

I’m so pleased to hear it has worked out for your DD. I have tried to explain to her that this is the beginning of her finding the right path for her and that one size does not fit all. When she’s calm she fully agrees with this but at the minute it’s the fear as to what her friends will think of her that she is finding overwhelming and I don’t know what I can do to alleviate her anxiety.

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SENNeeds2 · 16/05/2025 01:00

She sounds amazing - I would be praising her now for how hard she works. I always tell my kids it’s the effort they put in which I think is amazing - results are good but it’s their effort which we reward.

Weepixie · 16/05/2025 01:27

FavouritePJs · 15/05/2025 23:48

Thanks for the constructive feedback 🙄

Show quote history

Op, honestly, I’d tell her she doesn’t have to do them and that you’ll help her find an alternative path to a career based on how well she’s done with her BTEC.

I think the relief you’ll all feel will be huge.

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 16/05/2025 01:31

FavouritePJs · 16/05/2025 00:02

Also to add, she hated school and wasn’t committed , didn’t try and was quite lazy, we hoped 6th form would work better for her. It did in terms of her enjoyment and she has given it her all, but is not getting the results she’s worked so hard for.

Show quote history

So she started A levels behind the start line.
I would consider her re-taking the second year of each A level and re-sitting next year. She’s got her head straight and is working hard, she just needs catch up time. The Gov funds 3 years of A levels to give kids a second go.

She can also look at Uni courses with foundation years ( more expensive)

caringcarer · 16/05/2025 01:56

I'd focus on the BTEC because she has coursework to help pull her grade up on that. What you can do is look at past papers over 5 years. Look how similar the questions are. Your DD just needs to recognise what a question is asking her. There is usually a question about A, one about B something on either C or D etc. Go over past questions with her and look at the model mark schemes to see what the examiner is expecting to see. Set the responses out as in model mark schemes. In the exam get your DD to work out how much time she has per mark, then stick to this eg of 1 mark per minute then only spend 8 minutes on an 8 mark answer. Another thing to do is take a highlighter in with her. Answer questions in turn but if she is unsure or gets stuck put a big X on exam paper with highlighter so she can quickly see where to go back to once she's answered all easier questions. If there is a big 20 mark question she must answer it. Get her to bullet point a few points and go from there. The best practice she can do is work through past papers and mark schemes which are freely available on the website of exam board.

GildedRage · 16/05/2025 01:57

would she score better if she took the exam verbally vs in writing?
has she been assessed for special needs?
i would have been on this like a fly on shit, there is obviously some level of learning difficulty (dyslexia, exam anxiety something) and what ever it is needs adjustments.

Weepixie · 16/05/2025 06:10

I'd focus on the BTEC because she has coursework to help pull her grade up on that. What you can do is look at past papers over 5 years. Look how similar the questions are. Your DD just needs to recognise what a question is asking her. There is usually a question about A, one about B something on either C or D etc. Go over past questions with her and look at the model mark schemes to see what the examiner is expecting to see. Set the responses out as in model mark schemes.

I know this must be good advice but how are ordinary parents supposed to know how to do it? I wouldn’t have a clue because I’m not a teacher.

Newnameformenow · 16/05/2025 06:32

I think the best thing you can do is try and find what she loves and a realistic plan for what she can do next (with bad results). Then when the results come she can say yes/as expected/ but I don't really mind because I'm going to work/travel/do this course.
Try and build her confidence outside the academics.

I

heavenisaplaceonearth · 16/05/2025 06:41

She tried hard and gave it her all so the results are not an indication of who she is they are just an indication of what she could do in those short hours. She should be proud of herself. Trying and failing is infinitely more admirable than never trying at all.