Daughter unlikely to pass her A levels

[FavouritePJs]

my DD has always struggled at school and just managed to scrape 5 GCSE passes to enable her to be accepted into 6th form college. She works really hard, has great attendance, fully engages in lessons, does her homework and currently is doing nothing but revise, however, based on all the previous papers that she has completed
in lessons and her mocks, she’s on course to fail badly. One of her courses is a BTEC which she has passed with distinction but the exam side of things just doesn’t work for her. She’s just sat with me absolutely distraught as all of her friends are smart and she can’t face results day when they will be celebrating, she feels embarrassed and ashamed. We obviously support her unconditionally but how do I help her deal with the way she is feeling? I know as parents we always want to make everything better but I’m struggling with how to do this. Thankfully she decided long ago that uni was not for her at this stage in her life so she isn’t worried about that, but I don’t want her to feel stupid/embarressed/ashamed/failure - her words not mine. Has anyone else been through this with their child?

It's very early to be worrying as she hasn't sat all of them. Also, who knows how her friends will do? What are HER plans post A-level? Will her predicted grades get her there? If not, does she need A-levels to do what she wants to do next? If no, then stop worrying. How much of the worry has come since exams have started? Was this the same at GCSE? If so, she doesn't want a job that requires taking and passing additional exams so she needs to filter those jobs out from her plans

She had extra tuition thank you

I haven’t come in here for nice replies, I came here for advice and support, snarky replies offer neither of those things. My goals for her have always been realistic and I understand her limitations but she wanted to try and she has done, we both supported her decision. She has a distinction in her BTEC in Law and has loved doing that.

She had extra tuition thank you

Op, does she really have to do the exams and then live on tenterhooks for weeks after waiting for the results to come out? Can’t she just walk away and say ‘stuff this for a game of soldiers, I’m done for now.’

we didn’t make her go to 6th form, we understand her struggles and she always erred towards an apprenticeship but wanted to try at 6th form and she has. She has a distinction in her BTEC in Law and has loved it. At no point have I said we made her do A levels, this simply isn’t true.

Could she see this as a wake up call, work hard, revise and do resits next year?

I feel her pain, I didn’t do that well in my A-Levels and it was a terriblw
day.

BUT after that day not one person asks what grades you get. So if she craps out have year off of education get her an entry level job and let her mature a bit and realise there is more to life than school. If she wants to go back she can use her earnings to get a tutor I bet it will be the way she is writing the answers or something

Which A level subjects did she choose? My advice ad to whether resitting ( and remember she hSnt even sat them let alone failed them yet) is worthwhile. Some subjects are a lot more possible to up a grade in, than others.

I’ve told her it shows determination, commitment, tenacity and resilience and they are brilliant qualities to apply to work or an apprenticeship. She has a part time job with a major retailer and works really hard, often in difficult circumstances with the public and has just picked up the work and work relationships really easily as if she’s always been there. All of these are valuable skills that will certainly help her, once we get over the next few weeks.

She has done a BTEC in Law passed with distinction

A levels in Politics and Criminology

she thinks there is a small chance she’ll scrape through Crim but not a hope with Politics.

I didn't mean to suggest you forced her just that there are other worthwhile options. Ex SiL eventually did an apprenticeship in the RAF and earns about 3 times what my daughter does with her degree. If she really wanted to do A Levels that's fine and maybe the results will be OK anyway.

When you say fail badly, do you mean a mumsnet fail of a C and a D s or actual fails like two Us.

I agree looking at her results at home. Celebrating that she completed the course and didn't drop out, and telling friends they were 'as expected" is all you can do.

In terms if next steps she needs to be realistic. There will be options and in future she knows btech style qualifications work better for her.

Well, for Politics she’s expecting an actual fail but the Criminology probably a Mumsnet fail.

That is my view as well, there are other ways of succeeding and I believe she has the qualities and determination to do so.

As hard as it seems now OP, this really isn't the end of the world. It pisses me off that schools allow kids who have scraped their GCSEs to go on to study A levels. They should direct them to a different path.

One of mine didn't pass any A levels, it seemed like a complete waste of two years. I had pleaded with her to do something vocational at a local college rather than A levels at 6th form. But all her friends were doing that so she wanted to do the same, school definitely set the narrative that college was the inferior option.

The push for A levels then uni is huge at most schools and it really shouldn't be like that.

She is bright but was immature and hated school so basically did nothing.

However, now in her mid 20s she has a great job and is thriving, I'm sure your DD will be the same OP, best of luck.

Op, can I ask why not doing the exams isn’t a possibility - I’m assuming it’s not since you’ve not replied to my suggestion.

She may pass one A level but at what cost?

She wants to do the exams, she’s like me and is a terrible worrier and pessimist but there is always that small part that thinks “what if” and I think that’s what she’s clinging on to, as well as the fear as to what her friends will think if she bails.

I think posters saying “in my day” etc are not really getting the picture right now. I think A levels are not her thing and she’s going to have to go forward with the results as they are. That means apprenticeship and work or college course that’s playing to her strengths. Politics is essays and coherent thoughts answering the question. Criminology is probably easier but I still think she needs career guidance immediately and plan her next steps.

I think the buck for this stops with the college. She shouldn’t have been allowed to start the course.

What a terrible situation but I’m pretty sure that Od be trying to get her to understand that walking away isn’t bailing, its actually being very brave.

@FavouritePJs Does the employer who knows her have an apprenticeship scheme? Anything to get a foot in the door.

I missed you said Law BTec. This isn’t much use on its own I fear and maybe she needs a more practical office role which uses those skills?

I would informally and causally have a few famous or very successful people who didn't do well at school or A levels up your sleeve! It may alleviate someone of the immediate focus that doing badly at A levels feels devastating. Many don't and go on to be hugely successful

yes, i think you’re right. I’ll reach out to the college (again). Thank you

My son failed his A Levels (D, E, U) In hindsight he shouldn’t really have done them but he wasn’t interested in any other courses. We should have looked at other colleges really.

He floundered a bit after college, although he had a part time job. He eventually got a full time job in the same sector. It’s not particularly well paid but he loves it.

Hi OP,

I’m sorry you’re having to manage this and I’m sorry that your daughter is struggling.

Whilst it may seem like poor A-Level grades are the end of the world, I look at things a bit differently. I honestly don’t think anyone is failing anything when they’re 18. What you and your daughter have done is understand better what she likes and what she’s good / less good at. That’s going to be really helpful going forward. Even if the grades are poor, the skills and knowledge obtained during the courses will be valuable and that’s a success. They’re much more useful to employers or potential clients in a job than the ability to write and essay or pass an exam or whatever.

As others have said, apprenticeships are available. As are other types of qualification. If your daughter knows what interests her and what learning style suits her, that’s great.

And she is only young still, with many years to grow. In my professional experience, what matters far more than qualifications is enthusiasm, effort, and the ability to get along with people. Soft skills are way more important than A-level grades. It sounds like you have this in hand. It will work out. Good luck x