Daughter unlikely to pass her A levels

[FavouritePJs]

my DD has always struggled at school and just managed to scrape 5 GCSE passes to enable her to be accepted into 6th form college. She works really hard, has great attendance, fully engages in lessons, does her homework and currently is doing nothing but revise, however, based on all the previous papers that she has completed
in lessons and her mocks, she’s on course to fail badly. One of her courses is a BTEC which she has passed with distinction but the exam side of things just doesn’t work for her. She’s just sat with me absolutely distraught as all of her friends are smart and she can’t face results day when they will be celebrating, she feels embarrassed and ashamed. We obviously support her unconditionally but how do I help her deal with the way she is feeling? I know as parents we always want to make everything better but I’m struggling with how to do this. Thankfully she decided long ago that uni was not for her at this stage in her life so she isn’t worried about that, but I don’t want her to feel stupid/embarressed/ashamed/failure - her words not mine. Has anyone else been through this with their child?

As someone who works in the sector, I would definitely not be encouraging her towards a university degree if she is not academic and struggled with her GCSEs and A levels. Universities are also businesses so some programmes seem to accept anyone as they need bums on seats to meet their intake targets. This results in far too many non-academic students starting programmes only to have miserable time, failing and wasting their money when they could have done something much more productive and enjoyable with their time.

How is it “being very brave”?!
She’s just about to start the exams, if she doesn’t sit them she’ll never actually know how it could have turned out.
Even if the worst happens, she’ll still know she tried. That’s brave.

For the posters who are accusing me of being defensive, I’m trying not to be, but the accusatory tone of some people is really not helpful, I'm
upset enough as it is, not because of
the potential exam failure, but her feelings around it just feel unbearable to me atm and i just wanted some support as to how to navigate this and could help me help her. I appreciate those who have sought to do so. I know Mumsnet can be particularly unpleasant but I’m a sensitive soul and I only posted as I felt upset and desperate, nobody else’s problem I realise.

My DD is exactly the same. The coursework related subjects she's been OK with but the exam based one she's looking at an E for. All her friends are off to uni and she does feel a bit sad but we're phrasing it as she's taking a year out at the moment.

With regards to the being set up to fail comments about A Levels. My DD got a 3 at maths on the first attempt so college would only take her for a level 2 course she didn't want to do. Staying at school and being supported to retake maths was definitely the better option for her, she might not have brilliant grades but she's got something.

@PrimitivePerson “worked full
time for three years”. Yes in the good old days. It’s much tougher now! This dd didn’t do that well in GCSEs. Obviously we can all quote success from years back but the here and now isn’t the same. However I’d take these A levels. Try and work out why politics result looks so bad. My DD took it and didn’t like it as much as she thought and it’s one where general knowledge really helps. It’s also essays which is possibly where the issue is.

If criminology isn’t a disaster, what about another BTec?

I’m genuinely shocked that the school even considered allowing her to start an A Level course.

I think I’d try for some reframing. She will get what she gets in these exams which are a tiny part of everything she could have studied. It’s only two subjects that aren’t for her and you are proud of how hard she has worked despite the challenges. It shows she has a lot of potential to try things etc.

Then I’d focus on making sure the next step is a good fit. It doesn’t matter if it’s an apprenticeship or minimum wage job, she needs the experience of succeeding. What does she really enjoy that she would be good at? Further qualifications and career development aren’t urgent right now, it sounds like she needs a boost to her confidence.

And finally, other PPs have touched on neurodiversity and it’s an important point. Despite the right wing press pushing an agenda that everyone gets a diagnosis these days, ADHD & Autusm remain underdiagnosed, especially in girls. If she is working hard, and it’s not going in, it could be an issue with her working memory, the way she processes information or a sense of overwhelm. It might be worth considering.

It's not very helpful of them. What's done is done.

its horrible supporting our children through these things. I just think you have to let her feel sad and remind her that there is still a future ahead.

She sounds like she might have a distinction and D to show and actually that is enough to do all sorts of things. She can also do a different btech or apprentiship to top up her level 3 qualifications.

Just to add too that entry criteria for 6th form locally is 44 points from the best 8 subjects. It sounds like your DD wouldn’t have met this and it is unfortunate that college has let her down by trying to get bums on seats.

Are you able to frame this as beating expectations despite results? She will still have got something from studying courses that were probably not ever for her.

@CarefulN0w The law course didn’t give problems. It’s not right to keep suggesting she’s got undiagnosed issues. She’s just better at another style of learning. Lots of us are like this and we don’t need labels.

My nephew had very similar results to this, and he did an apprenticeship as a civilian worker with the Police and did really well with it. I'm not saying that's necessarily what your daughter would want to do, but just to say that there are definitely options out there for her.

I agree that people can struggle with some styles of learning and still be neurotypical. It is more common however for people with a neurodiverse condition to struggle.

And it’s important not to reduce a diagnosis to a label.

Actually this is what my daughter is
keen on as well. She has looked at apprenticeships within the Police and CPS but is particularly keen on the police. Any advice or information you have that may be helpful to her would be very much appreciated. Thanks so much.

Don't want to be too outting here but I know the police offer apprenticeships and she would be able to use her law interest (albeit likely very restrictive) but if she gets in she may excel x

There are plenty of kids in op’s dd’s position. The school have failed her by allowing a course that she was unlikely to succeed in.
There’s absolutely nothing to suggest it’s down to not being nt.
Do stop it.

We will likely be in same place. I regret him not doing a more ...what's the word...focused course.
He hates study and just isn't working though his course work marks are amazing
It's hard and you have my empathy as I'm dreading results day. GCSE results was horrible as he did ok (5s and 6s) but was shocked and jealous of friends who got way better because they had revised. I just want him to try as I know he can succeed. I feel like if he did one subject and tried, he'd get A but doesn't try
I don't know what to say other than my plan is for him to work for a year in a non career type job and then see what he learns and if he find another direction

Help her look for a level 3 apprenticeship. Her results will be easier to cope with if she already knows what her next step is.

That sounds really positive and I actually
feel a glimmer of excitement as she’s really keen on this. Is there anything you could send or advise me that may be helpful to her please?

Some schools/colleges do offer results by e-mail - or will let someone else pick them up - Dmum picked mine upback in dark ages as I was at work early shift and not back till afternoon and poped by in my break to give them to me - full time summer job with no time off available.

DD1 uni course terms out to be all project work/essays and lab work - DH a lecturer last uni set of courses were all project work individual and group and they are trying to get current course like that. When I was studying with OU I also found serval courses had no exams it was all essays or a few part essays part exams. So if it's just exams then I wouldn't rule it out HE in the future with very careful course selection.

At minute I'd focus on next steps for her - and it does sound like apprenticeships could be ideal for her.

Outing??

If you have been entered for an exam and don't attend then you are liable to pay for it anyway. Normally the school pays but will charge the parent for a failure to show up, I don't know about college. At this stage she might just as well do it.

I'm not sure why you think I was advising her to do law, I wasn't.

@FavouritePJs the police has become a degree profession now so an apprenticeship would involve taking a degree along side working.

www.joiningthepolice.co.uk/application-process/ways-in-to-policing/apprenticeship-pcda-entry-route

@sashh How does she get onto a degree with her qualifications? Even apprenticeship degrees want more than she has I would have thought. Below degree level - yes. Very possible if there’s a suitable apprenticeship.

The law comment was just a general one.

This is such a sad post.

I think too much ephesians is placed by school to do A-Levels and then move onto university. Parents and DC are almost bullied into this being the natural next step after GCSE anything less is seen as failing.

Not all DC (people) are able to learn from books the academic way.
Some are just very hands on and learn by doing rather than studying. There should be just as much ephesians on apprenticeships and vocational courses.

@FavouritePJs your DD isn't failing, she has just reached her academic limit. See it as that and take the pressure off now and look for an suitable alternative.

You have got plenty of decent advice on how to negotiate results day.

She would like a civilian role within the police force, not sure what the options are for that.