Difficult 17DD

[Flyhigher]

Difficult 17 DD. How did other mums cope?
my DD is very difficult. Always talks over me puts me down. Everything I do is wrong. She cosies up to my husband and he joins in or at least doesn’t stop her or say anything. He often competes for her attention and then puts me down continually in front of her.
This is so hard. Has anyone had anything like this? How did they cope? She’s breaking me. And he is helping. She’s an only child. But I think her peers are all difficult too. How can I cope or survive? I’ve had 5 years of this already. My MIL and mother both need care and have dementia.

how does anyone cope?

Wait for get to leave for university - this year or next year, and then leave him.

Have you had the same?

I never understood why so many couples split up at this point and now I do. I think she’s wrecked our relationship

I don’t know if you could - but maybe couples therapy? Or family therapy?

I've had exactly the same. He's wrecked it by encouraging it. There's nothing you can do his behaviour is unforgivable.

She'll soon be at university and you can be alone and much happier. You can build a better relationship with her then.

I'm very sorry that you're going through this. It's hellish

💕

Always wondered why so many couples split up at this stage. Now I know. I’m angry with both of them.
She has been mean and manipulative and he should see through it.

She’s a teen. But he isn’t. I’m also running out of patience for her behaviour. 5 years is plenty.

Omg it is your husband that is the problem. I have had it the odd time were mine won’t be back me up. But I have gone nuclear at my husband for doing that. We all can be wrong time to time in our decision making process so I have asked him to come to me privately if he thinks I am wrong or hard and not to take sides with the children. I do the same with him. Sometimes he is being ridiculous with the kids and I never open my mouth. We speak privately and he will go and apologise and make it right. He will pull our daughter if she is being cheeky and I do the same for him.
I feel so sorry for you, nearly sounds like you are being bullied in your own home. That is so unhealthy and you will raise a brat! The first thing you need to deal with is your husband.

Will she be at uni in September??🙏

@CorkBottlePinkcan we message privately?
it’s so hard.

No. Next year. If she gets in.

She will get in.

I just think she’s already destroyed me.

Teens are vicious.

To be fair to your DD though she is yet young and a teen. A lot of teens can be obnoxious but who knows if yiur DH had helped yiu manage her attitude rather than enabling her attitude, she may have been a different child possibly. Hopefully when she’s at uni, your relationship can improve and she may be more appreciative of you.

Your OH however, is a disgrace for effectively bullying you along with your daughter and pathetically wanting to be her bestie from the sounds of it rather than her father and working as a team with you to parent DD better.

I hope you are in a position to be able to leave him and get some well deserved peace in your life. His behaviour and treatment of you is unforgivable.

My 17DD is permanently embarrassed by me and quite often says things that hurt my feelings, but I remember what it was like to be a self-obsessed teenager - she’ll grow out of it. Most importantly, my DP would NEVER join in with anyone being unkind to me. What a horrible relationship that must be for you.

He always undermines me.
I did get a bit worried about her drinking and being out and sex. But she was 13 and 15. I did worry about lot about it.

but I think I am being bullied in my own house. By him and her.

I was paused for posting too much. That’s a new feature. How many posts triggers a pause?

I was not this bad a teen. I swear I wasn’t. This is horrific. But thank you. She crushes me daily about 20 times a day.

I don’t let her put him down. He doesn’t do the same. He competes with me.

Do you tell her she's hurt you? I would. I would also be telling dh I'm fed up with his attitude.

Told both. They don’t care. She says I’m a victim.
he says sorry sometimes. After months and weeks of putting me down. It’s so unhealthy. Neither of them know how to behave.

It’s horrific