Very worried about 18yr old ds online Asian relationship

[Mollymoo24]

For the past 2 years my ds, 18 has been having a very intense online relationship with a girl from Vietnam.

For his GCSE's I bought him an online educational program to help him with his revision. It had it's own discord and that's how they met.

The relationship is very intense with multiple phone calls, messages each week. My understanding is that she can be quite manipulative and hasn't got any friends.

Her mother encourages their relationship and is also in contact my son.

I've tried to be neutral and hoped that it might burn itself out. However I've been told that her mother is planning to pay for plane ticket for my ds to go over there in the summer and he is planning to steal his passport and go.

I'm absolutely worried sick and would appreciate some thoughts and advice on how to handle this.

That’s harsh

What a ludicrous response! So because a mother is worried sick about her son, who is still a teenager, because he is having an intense online relationship with someone abroad, and she is worried he will get his passport and go, he would therefore be better off without his mum?!

What a ridiculous post!

@Mollymoo24 You have every right to be worried sick. How is your son even going to fund this trip though? I would imagine he has no (or very little) money?

Best to approach it gently, and tell him it's better if he stays here, and there will be nothing there for him. Is this 'girl' even real? Has he actually spoken to her on video chat/seen her for real?

What that's a bit much.

I think rather it's more likely your son is being exploited.

It's probably more likely the case that is a scam and you need to shut this down any way you can.

Don't be ridiculous, there could be many reasons why the op son is vulnerable, none the least because he's been groomed for 2 years.

Op, communication is going to be the only way you can dismantle or monitor the situation. You're going to have to approach this will an open mind (or the illusion of an open mind). Say you realise that actually, you've dismissed the situation and a friendship that you should have realised was important, and you'd like to get to know the family.

It's absolutely a scam .

Don't fall for it.

He may well be getting scammed and in your shoes I would be very very worried.
I assume you paid for his passport? If so hide it

What a ridiculous post, also what do his GCSE grades have to do with anything?

But you absolutely have to protect him and he is falling for a scam..absolutely no doubt.

Why is everyone saying it's a scam? It's entirely possible for a Vietnamese girl to find a genuine connection with a British boy online.

Thank you for your replies.

Ds is very academic and possibly on the Aspberger's spectrum. He's very kind but can struggle socially and a young 18 year old.

I know he won't want to believe he's being scammed.

If I give him his passport and he gets into trouble over there, how on earth do I support and protect him?

I would be worried yanbu

YANBU OP
I'd be worried too. I have a teenage DS albeit a bit younger than yours and this would concern me. I don't know what to suggest....do you have anyone else who can try and talk to him if he won't listen to you? I know my DS would listen to an uncle or grandparent before he'd listen to me!

Legally an adult, but you must know as well as I do that not all 18 year olds are mature and responsible.

Just seen the OP's update. Her DS sounds vulnerable as well.

He is being scammed absolutely.

Do not give him his passport. Say it's lost or something.

There was a channel 4 series called "The Nevermets" about exactly this kind of relationship - you should absolutely contrive to watch it with him. It was toe curling in parts.

Nobody knows who this GF is
.She could be from the fucking moon!
Absolutely do not engage and shut this down now with your son. You need to have a talk with him about people coming on the internet and professing all sorts. It's not real! There's loads out there from all over the world who are desperate, very, very fucking desperate to involve someone like your son. With the ultimate aim of fleecing them for everything they've got.

One wonders why she would do that.

Oh yeah...

Sorry to ask again @Mollymoo24 but has your son actually seen this woman properly? And spoke to her, face to face, like on facetime... ? And where is the money coming from to fund his trip? Watch your back, watch your purse, watch your debit and credit cards, and watch your bank account. At 18 it's highly unlikely he has got the means/the funds to afford a trip to Vietnam to meet some random he has met online. What is he going to do when he gets there? How is he going to survive?

As has been said, there is a very strong likelihood this is a scam. It's either someone puporting to be an attractive young woman who is interested in him, and they're planning on scamming him, OR it is an an attractive young woman who is desperate to get to the UK, and is using your son to do it. (And she may be planning on scamming him too - and/or you and your family.) It could even be someone who is part of an organised crime gang, who is planning on getting him over there, and abducting him, and turning him into a slave. (May sound dramatic, but it does happen.)

As I said, be careful, in case he tries to access your money/your bank account/your debit and credit cards. He sounds vulnerable, and like he will be taken in easily. And yes, as others have said, hide his passport. (Although, having said that, he could easily send for a replacement I imagine.)

.

My ds has been told that her mother is very wealthy and they do regular facetime.

If it's not all bad enough, the girl seems to be very moody, manipulative and has lots of problems.

For the life of me I can't understand why her mother encourages it.

My ds had some mental health problems last year and I think this situation was largely the reason.

I've tried gentle supportive chats but he thinks he's in love.

The mother is apparently funding the trip.

Are there any organisations that I could contact that could help?

Ooooh, this sounds bad @Mollymoo24 I don't believe a word of this, and it's really concerning. I don't know of any organisations who could help you though sorry.

Even though your son is still a teenager, and is clearly vulnerable, at 18 he is classed as an adult by law. So there's not a lot you can do. Just hope and pray he comes to his senses and doesn't go to meet this woman.

Why on earth would anyone's mother fund a trip for some random on the internet who her daughter has been speaking to from a place that is 8000 miles away?! Makes no sense and is clearly some kind of scam, or worse. As I said, someone could be planning on abducting him and exploiting him.