Very worried about 18yr old ds online Asian relationship

[Mollymoo24]

For the past 2 years my ds, 18 has been having a very intense online relationship with a girl from Vietnam.

For his GCSE's I bought him an online educational program to help him with his revision. It had it's own discord and that's how they met.

The relationship is very intense with multiple phone calls, messages each week. My understanding is that she can be quite manipulative and hasn't got any friends.

Her mother encourages their relationship and is also in contact my son.

I've tried to be neutral and hoped that it might burn itself out. However I've been told that her mother is planning to pay for plane ticket for my ds to go over there in the summer and he is planning to steal his passport and go.

I'm absolutely worried sick and would appreciate some thoughts and advice on how to handle this.

Does your DS have any friends or cousins his age? What do they think about this?

According to Google:

In the UK, various agencies and organizations work to protect children from online scams and abuse. These include the National Crime Agency's CEOP Education team, the UK Safer Internet Centre, the NSPCC, and the National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC).

I knew about the NCA one but not sure if that's abuse rather than scams - anyway, I would try all of them; maybe they will have some practical advice or information that will persuade your son it's a scam. Good luck.

Passports are property of the government not the holder. It could still be theft, though. Would be moot but you keep stressing legal ownership and it’s wrong.

Oh come on!! 🤦‍♀️🤣 Seriously…what are the odds that this is a perfectly healthy and innocent online attraction??

Jesus, I despair at the naivety of some people!

Yes, that will absolutely happen
"Hello? Police? My Mum says she can't find my passport"
"We are sending the Flying Squad right now Sir!"

And have a few on the go as insurance in case one falls through.

Probably not the mother paying for it. Your son will owe whoever is really running the show.

I would approach these organisations.

Tell them that you’re happy to host her, instead of him going there.
Or meet up with them if they come here for a holiday. That way you can meet her/them and see exactly what’s going on.

Yes, contact the police and the nspcc, at least they will have it in their grooming system, hide his passport, if he insists on going then you go too, even if it's only to the airport, I wonder what response he would get if he replies saying he and his mum looking forward to meeting you all, if these people even exist.

The "mother" encourages it because it's s scam, once there he'll never see his passport again, be groomed, have money stolen, get blackmailed. The Vietnam scams are all over social mmedia, how does he plan on stealing his passport and getting to the airport.

Your son is 18 - he does not have to "Steal" his passport, its his.

So this has been going on for two years and it’s only now there’s concerning signs?

Seriously, in this situation, who gives a flying fuck?

I'd try to appear supportive but wary - so as not to alienate him, but to drop some seeds of doubt which hopefully will take root. Check with him that he's been sent the return ticket not just the one there. Ask if he's video called her, casually say 'how odd' when he says she doesn't want to. 'Oh dear, I hope she really is as pretty as all the photos she sends' 😬

Give him no need to hide his passport then the night before he goes, take it and cut it up. Act bemused, claim ignorance, help him look, console him.

Maybe the no-show and wasted ticket will make them cut their losses and move onto easier/more amenable targets. If not, reevaluate then.

I wouldn't give a shiny shit about my actions being illegal.

No, it’s be a case of calling the non emergency line, stating your mother has your identity document. And is refusing to hand it over, you’re now an adult and would like it given to you. And they will send an officer down whenever there’s one spare. That’s how it works. It is a crime to withhold someone’s legal documents from them 🤷🏻‍♀️

So if I can't find a passport I will be arrested for "witholding someones legal document"?
Nonsense

He should keep his own passport safe, you don't need to keep it unless he wants you to .

@Mollymoo24 have you tried doing a reverse image search on a picture of her? Google Images does this and it may be helpful.

I have all the passports in our family in a drawer in my desk, I guess I better brace for my arrest.

Is there a way to perhaps find the girl’s ticket over here instead? That way they can meet on your home soil and it be under your watch? Or could you go there with him? If he’s 18 you have little control over him I imagine - if he thinks he’s in love little will stop him I’m sorry to say. Perhaps if you are seen to be encouraging it safely he will open up to you and you can be more in control? Sending love xx

I just googled and this is shocking https://news.sky.com/story/they-fall-in-love-with-me-inside-the-fraud-factories-driving-the-online-scam-boom-13234505

You'll be fine, i know youre just joking . Every adult should know where their passports are,i g they are lost you just reapply.

Just read the entire article. Horrific.

I am not joking

@Mollymoo24I would be very very concerned and definitely hide his passport. Contact those organisations that a PP mentioned. It doesn’t matter if he’s 8, 18 or in his forties, a mother’s instinct is always right and if you feel that something is off here, it probably is.