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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Providing booze at a 15th party

105 replies

wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 10:23

DD is turning 15 in a few weeks. She is hosting a party of about 20/25 people here at the house. She does not drink. But she says that there is 'an expectation' of alcoholic drinks being providing at parties now, amongst her year group. I am deeply uncomfortable at having a bunch of 14 and 15 year olds in my house and providing alcohol. I think it's a safeguarding issue and weird to be sanctioning drinking so young when we know how harmful alcohol is. But I don't want to embarrass her. I am not naive, I know many of her friends drink. So you think there is an expectation that at a 15th alcohol is provided? Should I provide a few beers?

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 09/04/2025 10:25

I think the "a few beers" stance started at 16th birthdays at my school. There were definitely parties with booze in year 10 but it was by no means everyone and it was generally only when the parents had gone out, rather than being sanctioned.

FunnysInLaJardin · 09/04/2025 10:26

my DS2 has just turned 15 and while some of his friends drink, he doesn't.

I would not be happy hosting a party for 25 pissed kids tbh, so for that reason alone wouldn't provide alcohol.

Newmeagain · 09/04/2025 10:28

No way. Not at 15. What if something happens? Or one of the parents complains? In my experience, most responsible parents don’t allow it until 17.

LittleLabrador · 09/04/2025 10:28

No, it’s way too risky. The kids could turn up already having consumed alcohol and then if you provide more and they get hammered, you would end up with the blame

Yikes101 · 09/04/2025 10:28

I didn’t mind my children having an alcoholic drink at 15 but no way would I have been providing it for anyone else’s child. Turn a blind eye at them bringing their own if you want.

Sarah2891 · 09/04/2025 10:28

No way would I provide 14/15 year olds with alcohol

AppleKatie · 09/04/2025 10:29

Yeah that would be a no. I agree the blind eye to what they bring with them is one thing (and I would play that by ear depending on my DCs friend group/parents) but providing it? Absolutely not.

Comefromaway · 09/04/2025 10:29

No way. I made it clear when ds had a 16th birthday party at home that there was to be no alcohol and anyone attempting to bring it in would be turned away. Th young people were warned not to bring large bags and any girl bringing a handbag must be prepared for me to check it if I suspected anything. (This wasn't necessary and no-one bought any alcohol)

His 17th happened during covid restrictions and I provided limited alcohol for his 18th which was a smaller group of young people.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 09/04/2025 10:30

Absolutely fucking not.

Original poster
wingsandstrings · 09/04/2025 10:30

Thank you, this is very helpful. Such prompt responses! Teens are brilliant at convincing parents that 'everyone else' is doing something and that they will be total social pariahs if you hold out. I was really second-guessing myself.

OP posts:
TooManyCupsAndMugs · 09/04/2025 10:31

No way should you do this. It is a really grey area - on the one hand it is illegal to buy alcohol to give to under 18s, on the other 5-17 year old can drink alcohol in a private home. I wouldn't put myself in that position personally- buy them some 'No-secco', 0% prosecco!

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 10:31

No way, for a 17th or a 16th late in the year maybe. But I think it’s totally inappropriate to be supplying alcohol for someone’s 14 year old.

Ddakji · 09/04/2025 10:32

No - but I wouldn’t hold a house party for that many kids either so I’m possible the wrong person to ask!

I don’t know that I’d be too happy for DD to go to a 15th where the adults were irresponsible enough to provide booze, though, to be honest.

massistar · 09/04/2025 10:33

No chance OP. My DD is 16 and it’s starting to be a thing now at parties but no way I’d be providing at 14/15.

Comefromaway · 09/04/2025 10:36

I agree with Ddakji 20-25 is a lot of young people. I restricted ds to 15 including himself.

DiscoBeat · 09/04/2025 10:37

I would not, at 15. Just offering one beer each in itself isn't a problem but it's the message it sends, so they will likely see it as a green light to bring some, even spirits. I wouldn't mind my 15 year old coming home saying he had one beer, for example, but if he said he'd had more and/or spirits, or said anyone was drunk I would not be happy. I would blame the goat for that. Definitely easier to manage to say no alcohol.

AprilBunny · 09/04/2025 10:39

Too risky.

There’s a high chance they’ll sneak stuff in too so be vigilant.

MoveYourSelfDearie · 09/04/2025 10:39

Nope, if 15 year olds manage to get served when they go out, drink in a park, take a small bottle of vodka with them to a party I'm not naive enough to be surprised. But I'm not going to be the one blithely allowing and enabling it. I am not here for the blame from other parents or my house getting trashed

theyoungishman · 09/04/2025 10:44

No chance in hell! And if my child was offered drinks at your child's party I would be seriously unimpressed

SocksShmocks · 09/04/2025 10:48

No way. My son is 14 and in year 10. I’d be very concerned if there was alcohol available at a friend’s birthday party. I think it’s too young. Different for a parent to be happy to give their own child a beer or glass of wine at home. But not for other people’s children.

Also agree with PP’s point that if you give a child just one beer when they’ve already had a lot to drink before they arrived then it’s a grey area and you could get the blame.

lifemakeover · 09/04/2025 10:51

My DS is now in 6th form but when this started among his friend group the general consensus among the parents who knew each other well enough to discuss this stuff was it was ok to provide your own child with what you were comfortable with them having, but not to provide drinks for other kids. My DS got a couple of beers or a small amount of schnapps type drink (which is typically around the same alcohol % as wine) mixed with lemonade.

Agree with reducing the numbers too and absolutely being super vigilant about what's being drunk. This was the worst age (so far) for kids completely overdoing it on booze and getting very drunk and very sick.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 09/04/2025 11:02

My stance on this was that I would never ever provide alcohol to underage kids. If they sneak it in they need to make sure they don't get silly or sick on it because I would call parents to collect them if they did. My daughter understands that we don't want to risk being held responsible for anything going wrong if we provide the alcohol.

slummymummy24 · 09/04/2025 11:03

I'm in a similar position you OP and it's a big no from me - DS (year 10 but not 15 until July) doesn't drink (apart from a snowball at Christmas with lunch etc!) as he has damaged kidneys and I know some of his friends do but it's not going to happen here for his birthday. I'm in a minority with some of the parents (state academy) but not budging on this!

Hdjdb42 · 09/04/2025 11:03

Nope. They're children and technically under your care. If you allowed one beer each, they'd take that to mean alcohols allowed and bring spirits. You'll end up with kids being drunk, sick and making a nuisance of themselves outside. Alcohol distorts their personality, they won't listen to you when you're telling then to stop or go home! Imagine asking the police for help, and they find out you served them alcohol?! Nope.

ScaryM0nster · 09/04/2025 11:06

Live her efforts to jump herself to being the coolest kid.

Theres a big difference between having a friend round where you know the parents and letting them have a 3.5% beer with the barbecue, and generic booze for a party.

A bridge might be to say that will think about it when friends are visiting, but not a party.

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